I love yellow ribbons! Yellow ribbons are everywhere now and people are just mad about them! Theyre showing their support for the troops by buying a magnetic yellow ribbon from Dairymart, the proceeds of which benefit our soldiers in no way! All the ribbons are made in communist China!
Now our troops mission over there is to spread democracy throughout the world so that everyone can be more like us. And ironically, by purchasing one of these ribbons, we are directly supporting a communist nation and thereby supporting a non-democratic form of government. Fucking beautiful! Yes! Awesome! Yes!
But if you dont have one of these ribbons then youre an asshole! Why dont you have a ribbon? Dont you support the troops? You dont like the troops? !
Thats right. I dont like the troops. Youre onto me Jethro.
You see, to me, these ribbons are sort of needless. That is to say, is there really anyone in America who does not support the troops?
I mean, you might not believe in the cause or what have you, but are there really people at home saying:
You know what, I dont care for our troops. Never have. I dont really wish them well and Im not concerned at all for their safety. Ive just never been a big fan of our troops. I know thats not going to win me any popularity contests, but fuck them. Fuck their sacrifice. No ribbons for me.
What, the war? Oh I love the war! Big fan of the war. I totally agree with us being over there. Needed to be done. I just wish those asshole troops of ours didnt have to be involved. Because they really rub me the wrong way.
But I know a good thing when I see it, so I am hereby announcing the arrival of my new product, The Patriot Rock. Now, to the naked eye The Patriot Rock may appear to be just an ordinary commonplace piece of gravel taken from my neighbor Steves driveway. But upon closer inspection, youll be able to feel the sensation of freedom that each precious stone carries.
Now I dont want to pressure anyone into purchasing these majestic beauties at the laughably affordable price of $29.95 (a small price to pay for liberty), but lets just say that soon, very soon, America will be divided into two distinct peoples: The Patriot Rock Holders and The Godless Sodomites Who Want Our Troops To Die Slowly And Painfully. Which side are you on?
Make Checks Payable To:
Patriot Rock U.S.A. 1583 Lauderdale Lakewood, OH 44107 C/O Mike Freedom Polk
Cancer Posted: 4/15/2005by: Joe The same applies to those LIVESTRONG bracelets. accountant Posted: 4/1/2005by: tj I agree 100% with this article, someone put a ribbon on my car and I removed it immediately(which as we know means I want our troops to die, right?). Of course we all support the troops, these ribbons are for dumbasses who have nothing better to do than try to make somekind of a great statement by saying they have a ribbon because they are pathetic losers.
jmc, you seem like a person who would be passing out ribbons to friends, wow you are really great, way to support the troops! you are a troop-supporting master! what war? Posted: 3/23/2005by: jmc What war? It's a liberation.
Why do you hate freedom. Two Please Posted: 2/19/2005by: foley I need two for me and my family please. We love the war and we've been looking for a way to support the troops. Your product is a blessing.
