After declaring that they were "bored to tears" with U.N. sponsored talks over the future of their nation's nuclear program, Iranian diplomats withdrew from the negotiations without setting a date for further talks.
"Day after day, the same shit. Uranium, plutonium, centrifuge, blah, blah, blah. I just couldnt take it anymore. Praise be upon the soul of the Prophet for putting solitaire on my Blackberry," said deputy foreign minister Hamed Hamaninejad, who led Iran's delegation.
Negotiators from France, Germany, and Great Britain expressed disappointment over Irans departure from the talks, and urged the Iranians to return to the negotiating table. But Hamaninejad indicated that he has little interest in continuing the negotiations at this point.
Look, I got into the foreign service so I would have a chance to look at women who arent my wife wearing something besides burkas or headscarves. I don't know shit about nuclear energy. I only signed up for these talks because they were in New York and a buddy of mine told me that Manhattan in the summer is like one giant titty parade. Allahu Akbar -- he wasn't kidding!
However, as the talks began in earnest, Hamaninejads interest in the substance of the negotiations waned, a fact noticed by his counterparts across the table.
As lead French negotiator Henri de Benard recalls, I proposed that Iran permit inspections at each nuclear facility on a bi-monthly basis with the dates of each inspection to be determined by the director of the International Atomic Energy Agency, in accordance with inspection parameters established in UN Security Council Resolution 1183 and amended by the General Assembly protocol of 13 November 2002."
Hamaninejad likey. Hamaninejad likey A LOT!
But de Benard says that as he finished his presentation, he noticed that the Iranian delegation "didn't seem to be paying close attention to the details of my proposal.
When told of de Benard's comments, Hamaninejad responded, Close attention? Praise be to Allah that I even kept my eyes open!"
Hamaninejad said he was also disappointed by the serious tone of the negotiations. "When things started, I tried to loosen the mood a little. I said to the German guy, 'Hey, how do you win a Jewish football game?' I figured he of all people would appreciate a good Jew joke.
"But he's all, 'Das ist not pertinent for zese talks, vee must stick wiss dee agreed-upon agenda.' I was like, 'Simma down, das douchebag!' By the way, the answer to the joke is 'By getting the quarter back.' Get it?"
Though the Europeans are confident that an agreement will eventually be worked out, the Iranian minister is unsure that any agreement would have the desired effect.
"Look, if the mullahs really want to build a bomb and nuke Israel, they're not gonna let some agreement with the Eurofags get in their way.
"Although personally, I hope it doesn't come to that. Because from what I hear, Tel Aviv is so full of hot pants and halter tops that it makes New York look like Tehran. By the divine will of Allah and His prophet Muhammad, I would love to get me some of that! "
NOT BEST WORK Posted: 9/28/2005by: Garry W. Granted Mr. Sanford has set the bar high with his previous articles, but this one is the weakest of the bunch. I gave it a 4. As always, impeccable use of the word "shit".
Good shit Posted: 9/22/2005by: matt Fuck the hates! Damn funny article. The german guy had me rolling. I gave it a 5. high scores Posted: 9/21/2005by: rob sanford's biatch all around for a well-written commentary on those dirty persians and nasty germans. and yes, i rated it a five because what good am i if not as a false inflator of mr. sanford's ego? Last name Posted: 9/21/2005by: Biznat Isn't his last name the same as Samir's from Office Space......
Very funny either way You get a four from me Posted: 9/21/2005by: Atlas Funny shit, good read the whole way through, not over the top or asking for attention. Tim Posted: 9/21/2005by: Stu I gave it a 3, because it was good. I generally don't give anything a 1 and 5's are rare too. When I voted (once) it had something like a 4.4, which seemed very high. Only Voted Once Posted: 9/21/2005by: Rob Sanford Sorry you guys hate the article but I can assure you that I have no idea how to delete cookies and only voted for the article once (admittedly, a 5).
Make fun of my comedic abilities all you want, but damnit leave my integrity out of it!!
Thanks for getting my back, Tim. sub - par article but... Posted: 9/21/2005by: J-Smoove the 'das douche bag' line nearly makes up for it. So, Stu Posted: 9/21/2005by: Tim How many times have you rated this article a 1? well tim Posted: 9/21/2005by: Stu you can delete cookies very easily
