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Things started out innocent enough
God I’m such an idiot. What was I thinking? I mean, ever since I was a kid that was rule number one- don’t accept rides from strangers, especially if those strangers are a van full of misogynistic guys with a camera. When will I learn?
Let me back up a bit here. See, I was walking over to party with some friends a few weeks ago when this van rolls up next to me. These guys inside start talking to me, and at first I ignored them and kept walking, but they were really persistent. So after a minute, just to try to get them off my back, I started talking to them.
They tell me they’re in film school and that they are interviewing random people. They say that they are paying money and I was a bit low on cash at the time, so I start to listen. Then they tell me that they’ll give me a ride and that we can do the interview in their van. It was here that I made my fatal error. Despite the fact that my friends only lived a half-mile down the road, I accepted their offer.
So I get in the van and they start getting all forward and creepy. They ask me about how sexually active I am and all these things about what I have and have not done in front of a camera. I got pretty uncomfortable, but every time I reacted they backed off and apologized. After a few minutes I realized we weren’t even heading in the direction of my friends’ apartment. When I pointed this out, they weren’t very understanding. Instead they asked me if I wanted to take my top off.
Here’s the thing, when I was about eleven my stepfather took a “special” interest in me, if you know what I mean. Since then I’ve tended to make bad decisions when it comes to men. This occasion would be no different. I obliged, one thing led to another and before I knew it I was blowing the guy sitting next to me.
He seems like a trustworthy guy
I guess I don’t need to tell you what happened from there. I prefer to remember it as making love, but there is video evidence to the contrary. Either way, once the deed was done those assholes stopped the van and kicked me out of it, then drove away. I had to walk four miles back to my place. It was total bullshit.
Pretty bad, right? Well about a week and a half later things got worse. Apparently those guys run some website called bangbus.com and guess who was their latest update? That’s right, Yours Truly. Of course, I had no way of knowing this until my boyfriend calls me one night and tells me he saw me on the internet “fucking in the bangbus.” After calling me a whore and breaking up with me he called all my friends to tell them about it and then he even e-mailed the link to my mother.
Turns out these guys have done this to hundreds of women like me. I’m told that they are all actresses but let me assure you, in my case it was real. Since then I’ve been fired from my job and forced to parlay my now recognizable face into a career as a stripper just to make ends meet.
The good news is that my boyfriend and I got back together, but lately things haven’t been the same. Nowadays when we’re intimate all he does is pull my hair, cals me a “hooker-slut” and finish off in my face, then he leaves immediately afterwards. I guess you could say the magic is gone.
I mean, I just wish none of this had ever happened, you know? But hey, what can you do?
I never should have signed that stupid release form.
u are aware that the girls on bangbus are paid prior to being on the bus and are just acting?
Jeff
Would have been funnier...
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Posted: 11/30/2005 6:44:57 AM
If this were written by one of the good-looking chick contributors. And for good measure, photoshop her face on the pictures.
K.W.
Hmmm...
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Posted: 11/30/2005 8:23:42 AM
I know this is fiction and all, but written by a dude and in the first person? Creepy...
Dave
Yeah . . .
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Posted: 11/30/2005 9:25:21 AM
You should have established at the very beginning that you were writing in character as a woman.
deuce
glad i wasnt the only one...
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Posted: 11/30/2005 9:31:53 AM
i mean i know it's the 90's and i wont judge you... but i was confused also...
still, good read, esp. if you've ever come across "the bus" while up late at night searching for steeler's running backs.
Eugene
Here's the problem with this article
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Posted: 11/30/2005 9:38:26 AM
The Bangbus is not REAL, you stupid shit, which is why I found this line particularly confusing: "turns out these guys have done this to hundreds of women like me. I’m told that they are all actresses but let me assure you, in my case it was real." What? Yeah, they're actresses, so this article makes no sense. I agree with Jeff, if Brenda or Tara wrote this article, I would immediately leave work to go masturbate for the rest of my life.
Hoffman, this was probably the worst piece you have ever written.
JP
Deuce
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Posted: 11/30/2005 10:20:14 AM
good one man, I'm glad I'm not the only one who's had to play the Jerome Bettis card.
Jates
You're Kidding Right?
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Posted: 11/30/2005 10:22:28 AM
Eugene may be the dumbest person alive. "The Bangbus is not REAL." Thanks, Inspector Clouseau. You really cracked that case, didn't you? I'm sure Scott needed your keen insight to realize that it wasn't real. Also, the article was written toward an audiance familiar with that website, and therefore knows the characters are all female. So, there's no need to explain that the author was speaking from a female perspective, especially when the pictures of a woman are added. (Just be happy you're not familiar with bangbus.com and move on)
Eugene
Jates
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Posted: 11/30/2005 10:37:41 AM
I realize Hofman knows that it's not real. My point was that the article makes NO sense because the bangbus isn't real. Capish?
Mack
Are there no clean, fun-loving wannabe porn women left?
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Posted: 11/30/2005 11:09:00 AM
The guise of the website is that this special “bang” bus is real. But, as all of us clever Jerome Bettis fans realize, it is simply a ruse. Or is it? Next, you’ll be telling me that all the pizza boys who show up at sorority houses and are immediately nailed by coeds is a set up, too.
Nice job Hofman. But maybe next time, you should use a pseudonym. Maybe something like, Eugene's Mom.
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