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Thanks for nothing...Yale.
What the fuck? Are you fucking kidding me? Guilty? People, come on! I'm OJ-fucking-Simpson, The Juice. You're finding me guilty for this crap? After that whole debacle in LA, you're gonna send me to jail for trying to take back a moth-eaten USC jersey and a couple promotional shots from the Naked Gun?
I knew I shouldn't have come to Vegas. This kind of thing would never happen in Laughlin. That's my kind of town, anything goes. Assfaced anarchy. The wild West.
Life? Really? I could get life? For this? You know they allow prostitution here right? You can have a hooker in her third trimester sent up to your room for no-lube anal at $150 an hour, but I'm getting thrown in the clink for trying to repo a BetaMax of one of my Hertz ads?
I didn't even have a gun! It was the other guy, with the MC Hammer glasses. Or that one who looks like Michael McDonald. I can't remember.
Better days
And where's the rioting and the outrage? For Christ's sake, would it kill you to flip over just one car and set in on fire? At least put a vending machine through a liquor store window.
You know the worst part about this? All the money I just lost in this town. Ceasar's had 5-1 odds I'd get a not guilty. O'Shea's even set up a row of commemorative OJ slot machines and I got a nice cut of that. They're great, when you get three Heisman's in a row, a little knife comes out and stabs your wife in the neck. Oh well, I'm sure they'll leave a fair share for me in my commissary. If there's one group of people you can trust in this world, it's guys in the casino business.
It was him! It was him!
And by the way, you know the real killers are still out there, right? Don't come crying to me when they strike again because no one's hot on their trail. Now they're going to run wild. For all we know they may have already snuck up on some unsuspecting ex who was just trying to get on with her life, dragged her into an alley and stabbed her roughly 19 times in the chest and abdominal area. That kind of thing can happen, you know.
Naturally I'll be appealing. Maybe I'll actually get some justice this time. Who do you have to kill to get a fair trial around here?
Posts: 3005 Rank: 6 Joined:
12/7/2006
Location:
New York, NY
Posted: 10/9/2008 8:49:43 AM
What this trial and the audio tape they kept playing is the OJ is a fucking badass and will not be anyone's bitch in the clink. However old he is he will still fuck you up.
"Life? Really? I could get life? For this? You know they allow prostitution here right? You can have a hooker in her third trimester sent up to your room for no-lube anal at $150 an hour, but I'm getting thrown in the clink for trying to repo a BetaMax of one of my Hertz ads?"
Out of the park. Have to admit, I love the irony of someone who has gotten away with so much getting a life sentence in an essentially lawless city.
OJ, stay down. You're a murderer and the shittiest thing about the Naked Gun films.
Take it George W:
"Its like the old saying goes: fool me once, shame on......you, but fool me twice and uh, you won't get fooled again."
Posts: 2245 Rank: 19 Joined:
12/8/2006
Location:
Long Island, NY
Posted: 10/9/2008 10:20:57 AM
"Does O.J. Simpson gotta choke a bitch?...too late."
AB, fair enough, sir, but if I can defend my position a little bit (fuck you, I'm gonna defend it anyway)...the girl in question is actually an ex-girlfriend. I dated her for about a year. Somehow, I've managed to stay good friends with most of my ex's (the serious one's, not the short term). At this point, my relationship with this chick is strictly no-strings attached. We hook up and fuck a few times a month. I crushed her pretty good when we broke up and she'll probably never trust me again (I don't blame her), but at the same time, she still enjoys a good deep dicking, so it's optimal for me. She's what I like to call "week night pussy." When you don't feel like going out and putting in the effort during the week, or can't afford the hangover the next day at work, you call on week night pussy to get you through your urges. The reason I know when she's on her period is because she tells me. If she's on it, there's really no reason for me to hangout with her.
She didn't have it yesterday anyway. Not a great story to be had from the experience though. We fucked. I booked. THE END!!!!!
There's an article that has some funny, is timely and didn't bore me to tears??? bravo Jack Ruby, and nice shot for the record, way to take one for the team.
Brikris - gotta love him, he defends the soft jab like you're throwing haymakers. You coulda just blown that one off and let it slide, wouldn't have thougth worse of ya. Now, it's thursday, get off your ass and get out on the town for some new poon tonight, DO IT.
Speaking of weird, Ant's really taking it to a whole new level, and I've never been able to tell just how much of his thing is real, but I've always leaned toward an alarming and disturbing amount.
OJ - way to be smart about getting away with murder. Too bad Johnny C's not around anymore, you'd still be a free man. Enjoy all the salad in prison.
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