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I'll have a Grey Goose and Tonic.
INT. MOS EISLEY CANTIA - NIGHT
VADER enters from side door, followed by Stormtroopers. FETT is seated facing the wall, unaware that VADER has entered and pulled up a seat at the bar. VADER notices FETT and moves to join him at table.
VADER Boba, is that you?
FETT Lord Vader! Have a seat!
VADER I don't need your permission, you bounty-hunter scum.
They both share laugh.
FETT Man, it's so good to see you! I was worried those damn rebels might have gotten to you in Cloud City.
VADER Rebels? Please! I'm the freakin' most feared man in the galaxy! They only wish they could take me out!
FETT Here here!
They CLINK beer mugs together.
VADER Say, can I still be "most feared man" if I'm seen slurping this up with a straw?
FETT Hey, I'm doing the same thing! And you'll notice how no one gives me hell about it. I take this off and... POOF...the magic is gone. Say, what was all that business about Skywalker? You seemed real uptight about taking him down.
VADER Yeah, that's a bit of a sore subject...
FETT Oh, man, I apologize...
VADER No, no biggie. It's just that...well, I told him I was his dad...
FETT (spits beer against glass of helmet) No shit! You?
VADER Yeah, but that's not even the worst part. I tried to get him... (looking around hesitantly) ...to help me take out the Emperor.
FETT Oh man, that can't have gone down well. You know how freakin' paranoid he is!
VADER Trust me, Bob, I simply distracted Palpatine by doing the "Jedi death grip" on some lowly admiral, the old man forgot all about my "treason"
Vader mimes quotation marks with hands.
FETT Yeah, the old man's really dense.
VADER Now Luke hates me, all because I just cut off his stupid hand.
FETT Kids today, they don't appreciate what we went through in our time.
VADER Torn apart from our ancestral homes.
FETT Forced to watch our dads get decapitated.
VADER Or our Jedi Masters sliced in half.
FETT Left alone to raise ourselves.
VADER And all because we stop listening to that old gasbag Obi Wan...
FETT We're the "bad guys".
VADER Just you wait til Skywalker and his buddies get thrown in molten lava and have to be reconstructed as robots. Let's see if they're so "high and mighty" then.
FETT Here, here. (toasting) To scum and villiany!
VADER (raising glass) And free parking wherever we go!
BOTH Long live the Empire!
They CLINK their mugs and drink.
Vader Damn, where does the time go? I gotta jet.
FETT Got a hot lead on Skywalker?
VADER Nah, but the Old Man said - get this - "he will come to you"!
FETT He's really lost it, huh?
VADER Hell, the last time he gave me a good ole shock, it felt more like a soothing massage than fearsome lightening from the Dark Side.
FETT I can't stay either. I got Solo in the back of the Slave. Jabba wants him for display. I need the dough, the wife's been on my ass about a new washer and dryer. This should put us over the top.
Darth gets up to leave.
VADER It's been copacetic, man. We need to do this again.
FETT You know it.
VADER "Luke, I am your father"...has a nice ring to it.
FETT Oh yeah, imagine the Father's Day gatherings.
They both laugh.
VADER May the Force be with you, I guess.
FETT I never got that anyway.
VADER I think it means "don't write a check your ass can't cash", but I'm not sure.
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