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???? Maybe ????
I am prepared to go on the record as saying, “I think I would have sex with Jessica Simpson.” Now before you judge me, hear me out.
I know people perceive Jessica Simpson as a little “flighty” and the whole “chicken on the sea” bit didn’t help that cause any, but that doesn’t mean I wouldn’t engage, (as my man Tom Degregorio would put it) “in coitus with her.”
Now go ahead and think what you want, but I have given this a great deal of thought and I think I would do it. I mean given the chance. It’s really none of your business anyway, but I’m just letting you know for the record. It’s not like I am out searching for her and trying to make it happen, but her naked body fell into my lap, I don’t think I would turn her down.
Still, you may think I’m crazy about this whole “having sex with Jessica Simpson” thing. You might be questioning my willingness to admit to something like this. But the bottom line is that I think I would have sex with her!
Now, anyone who knows me is probably thinking that I am just running off at the mouth again, but not this time. This is something I have taken really seriously. I have weighed the pros and cons, and it looks like I would do her.
So you might be asking yourself at this point, “What tipped the scales in her favor?” That’s a good question, and the answer is simple. She’s very good looking! Call me shallow. Call me a shoal, but that is really the only good reason I have for saying I would do her.
Don’t get me wrong; there were a few things that made me question my decision- for example, her husband- Nick “one-hit-wonder-boy-band” Lachey.The fact that she’s married to this gravy-training TOOL made me really question this whole thing. In the end, Jessica Simpson is still hot and I feel I could look past her marriage while I ram her vulva.
Another reason I questioned my decision is that no-talent sister of hers, Ashlee Simpson. You know the one who looks like she got hit in the face with a rusty shovel? I don’t know about you, but just the chance that I would think of her sister while I was trying to have sex with Jessica Simpson was almost a deal breaker. Her sister is a major turn-off to me, but in the end, Jessica Simpson is still hot, so I think I could block her out of my head for a couple minutes/seconds.
Her fucking hidious sister
Despite all this, I feel that since Jessica Simpson is really hot, I would probably go through with having sex with her.
I don’t know, I just think having sex with her is something I wouldn’t mind doing. I’m single right now, and the dating scene has been annoying. So if having sex with Jessica Simpson were an option, I do it- I think? I mean it is only a few minutes out of my life, and I could say, “Hey I fucked Jessica Simpson.” And that would be alright. I have worse notches on my bedpost. .(Want me to name names?)
Now at this point, you might be asking, “Hey Chad, since you said you’d probably have sex with Jessica Simpson, where would you do it?” Good question. I’ve also put a lot of thought into this. I’ve actually put together a list of places where we could have sex:
against a wall (preferably a kitchen wall)
a back seat of a Dodge Neon
an ancient temple (for historical reasons)
on a bedroom floor (really doesn’t matter which one)
bathtub (my ex-girlfriend’s bathtub)
the beach
a standard futon
bed with mirror above it
backstage of at a performance of "Menopause"
on a carpet
in Kansas
a dark cave, on bearskin
a classroom at my old high school, Kent Roosevelt
a conference room
a wine tasting room in southern Ohio
desert (on a blanket of course)
a kitchen floor (any kitchen floor)
a strong hammock
hood of a DeSoto
a hot tub
in the water then on a boat deck
a jungle (for the adventure)
a clean tiled floor
a lake shore that’s not Lake Erie
her living room floor
her living room sofa
outside against a car, then on the ground, then in a ditch (in order)
outside in the rain
a pond near railroad tracks
rowboat
rug, then the bed she lost her virginity in
a standard shower
a bed of a pick-up truck
a comfortable sofa
standing (I can hold her up)
a storeroom at Giant Eagle (just a thought)
a tomb from the Temple of Doom (I love the Indiana Jones movies)
my brother’s tree house
yacht deck.
In a AMC movie theater
My friends bed (Just to piss him off)
Any of these places would do. I think?
Now you’re probably asking, “Now that we know you’d probably be willing to have sex with Jessica Simpson, and the places you’d consider having sex with her, what would it be like during the actual act of sex?”
This is a valid question and I’m really not sure how it would be. I guess the way I had envisioned it, it would go a little like this…
I would just let Jessica accepted me and accept the thrust of my engorged manhood into her damp, moist needy place. During this, I would grab a handful of her beautifully formed, burgeoning, naked, pink-tipped, creamy breast, and I would recite this poem to her:
Not bad...for a girl
How beautiful you are and how pleasing, O love, with your delights! Your stature is like that of the palm, and your breasts like clusters of fruit. I said, "I will climb the palm tree; I will take hold of its fruit." May your breasts be like clusters of the vine, the fragrance of your breath like apples, and your mouth like the best wine
And then in 30 seconds, it would be over, and I’d feel pretty good I think? And she’d probably be impressed with me...or not.
So there you have it. I think I might have sex with Jessica Simpson if the situation presented itself! I’m not going to pursue it, but if it happens, I probably wouldn’t turn it down. Then again, Maybe I would.
thank you so much. i have been afraid to admit to people that i would have sex with her. your honesty has helped me to come forward and admit it to my friends, family and most importantly myself.
Late Night Perv
Nice Cans!
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Post #: 2
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Posted: 3/23/2005
That chick might be an idiot, but I would do horrible things to her. So horrible that I can't even put in print.
Julie W
?
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Post #: 3
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Posted: 3/23/2005
Are you totally sure about this?
poonhound
What about
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Post #: 4
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Posted: 3/23/2005
I understand and agree with your reasonings about a sexual encounter with J.S. But I think the real question is, what lengths would you go through? Would you sleep with her sister to have a shot with J.S.
Jay Crewser
She's A Man, Baby!
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Post #: 5
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Posted: 3/23/2005
She has a manly face. I think I'd do her in the butt.
heywood
ashley who?
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Post #: 6
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Posted: 3/23/2005
her sister is hideous... she is hideous.. the father is tossing both of their salads.. nick needs to knock him out and dump that horse face dumb ass.. she does have a nice body though...
Julie K
YES Please
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Post #: 7
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Posted: 3/23/2005
Gosh I am female hetro and I would have sex with her, she's hot! Why wouldn't you and I think any man that says he wouldn't is lying!
The Dom
Great topic
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Post #: 8
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Posted: 3/23/2005
This article was very insightful, and it cut to the bare bones of a topic that needed to be addressed. I give you kudos and praise for bringing this to the table. Not only that, I can't wait to get home from work so I can jerk off to these photos of Jessica Simpson.
Thanks
tk
Out of a possible 2 I would give her...
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Post #: 9
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Posted: 3/23/2005
..one. So I can quite agree with the main thrust of your article. That said, she has a slightly wierd face so I would suggest that you ask her to don suitable attire (i.e. a brown paper bag *). * Note: brown paper bag could be substituted for a plastic carrier bag but the sound of crackling plastic and gasps for breath may become annoying).
Cash Money $
No way!
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Post #: 10
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Posted: 3/23/2005
Are you kidding? This chick is a pig! Don't do it man, don't do it.
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