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Wink!
So for our first list back we decided that we'd ease into things a bit and come up with our definitive list of the worst sports uniforms in recent memory. We know it's a completely thoughtless list that both Rick and I are obviously phoning in. Think of this list as your first paper in college. You know the one that was due September 15 and you had just spent your first 3 weeks back in school learning how to drink two beer bongs and once and also how to vomit our of you nose. So think of this list your shitty "back from break" paper.
So with that being said... allow us to under serve you with our defacto Ultimate 11 Worst Sports uniforms. (Special thanks to Jesse Lamovsky)
So here we go...
The Ultimate 11 Worst Sports Uniforms.
1976 Chicago White Sox The White Sox could make a case for just about every slot on this list having some of the worst uniforms in major league history but we'll limit them to just one, and if you're going to pick just one... This is it. The 1976 White Sox uniforms had not only tops that made them look like soccer refs but shorts... Yes. Shorts... They didn't wear them every game but the fact that they wore them at least once is enough to put them here in our 1st slot. It's said that when revered White Sox owner Bill Veeck died, he was buried in a pair of these "South Side bloomers".
NFL Throw Back Jerseys...95% of them Here again we could easily fill every slot with these monstrosities. We'll count them all as one entry. The fact is you can't cram old style jerseys on new style pads and players. The '94 Steelers and the '07 eagles have the worst so far.... Since we're so keen on being retro, we should extend the "throw back" uniform to beyond sports... Have doctors wear wear old school Apothicary styled jackets... Maybe have congress don powdered wigs and stockings for a day or even have our Service men and women wear suits of armor... Actually that's not a bad idea anyway.
Not quite Uniforms but what the fuck? Payne Stewart & Andre Agassi
These two guys played sports that technically have no official uniforms per say. Payne makes the list going above and beyond with his hilariously awful choice in golf duds. Most professional golf attire is determined by sponsorship so we can only assume that Payne was sponsored by "Whitey's Stuffy Snob Emporium". Andre makes the list because... Seriously man, look at'em... That's Spanex Under Demin... In your life have you ever seen something this magnificently terrible?
Denver Broncos 1960 Mustard jerseys were bad but not terrible. The 1960 Bronco's make the list because of their socks. Black and white vertically striped socks that were so loathed by the fans that a public bonfire was held where the players, one by one, tossed these ugly abominations in.
Denver Nuggets 1982-1993 Poor Dever... Two in a row. We can assume that the multicolored blocks were the meant to be representative of "nuggets". The rainbow block rendition of the Denver skyline is silly. Even by 1980's standards. This horrid display of rainbowness predated Tetris by about 3 years. We're not sure if it predated the Gay Pride flag or not though we feel it might have inspired it in some small way.
Posts: 1199 Rank: 12 Joined:
8/5/2007
Location:
La Crosse, WI
Posted: 3/13/2008 8:19:13 AM
I'm far too busy playing that Gladiator game to fix this crap. It read like Robert 'Bobby' Boucher Jr. How can you type like you have a stutter? Whoever missed those may be to blame for the bad formatting as well. Let me guess someone forget to feed the monkey and he ate his own hands and there is no one mastering the site?
Even Wade Boggs couldn't make that uniform cool, and he was the vision of Cool in his day.
Posts: 1377 Rank: 11 Joined:
12/28/2006
Location:
Philadelphia, PA
Posted: 3/13/2008 9:23:14 AM
Sports Unies. He did warn us about quality so, that aside, agreed on most selections.
Though I like the old New England unies. And Payne Stewart was sponsored by the NFL at some point in his career, so his outfits coordinated with the nearest NFL franchise wherever he played. But the style was all his.
Philadelphia note. Other than the Eagle's throwbacks. The Sixers played a couple years in an airbrushed rainbow design that (I think) Charles Barkley likened to his toddler's scriblings.
I have a soft spot for the Browns (from the Cardiac Kid days) but the all orange unies just don't work.
RE: Canucks. "We are from the Planet Valtrex. Take us to your leader."
Bucco Bruce thinks you have a nice ass. Some of the Bucs players wanted to wear throwbacks during a game last year. Gruden refused. Probably the best decision he's made in the past 5 years.
The Tampa Bay Storm used to wear Zubas back in the day. Classy.
Posts: 497 Rank: 23 Joined:
12/7/2006
Location:
East Lansing, MI
Posted: 3/13/2008 9:40:26 AM
Keep in mind they have about 5 new uniforms each year, thanks to all the money Nike is shoving down their throats.
The ref pic looks like Woody Harrelson (sp?).
I've noticed that anything Charles Barkley shouts out during games and on tv either are what we think about saying, or exactly what you think Charles would say. Barkley/Rollins '08.
Posts: 1377 Rank: 11 Joined:
12/28/2006
Location:
Philadelphia, PA
Posted: 3/13/2008 9:40:34 AM
Agreed. Most new leagues try too hard for something marketable and different. Every team, therefore, will have black in it. Sucks.
I'm going to call out pretty much every monochromatic unie too. Dark pants are sometimes cool, but not with the dark jerseys: Denver (bring back the periwinkle), Buffalo (keep the throwback), Baltimore (scrap everything) etc.
And in baseball, every Sunday looks like spring training now, with both clubs wearing dark jerseys. I can't tell who's who.
I went as Payne Stewart for Halloween right after he died, and I did get the stuff from Whitey's Stuffy Snob Emporium.
Fath, nice work. I have to say Oregon's are my personal choice as the worst, apparently Phil Knight has unlimited authority at Nike in all matters regarding his alma mater. How the fuck are you supposed to play good looking so bad? I bet they have worn 20 different versions of that color/pattern scheme in the last 5 years.
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