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Yup. You opened this up to see this!
I’ll point out up front that this is more of an editorial than a comedy piece…. None the less I look forward to the hate mail
There are certainly days when I am embarrassed to be a man. Days when I find myself laughing at some bravado-filled, bullshit comment around the office about tits, cars, or Caddy Shack. Or even at times when I find myself giving a girl a second look for any given reason. Perhaps she has a well-endowed chest, an attractive backside, or nice DSL’s. (You DON’T know what DSL’s are!? Watch an old rerun of “Boy Meets World” and check out Topanga….Oh sweet sweet Topanga!)
I realize, for these reasons, that I am stereotype from time to time (aren’t we all?). But I am most embarrassed when I read about something gaining popularity solely based on the depraved sexuality of men. Its one thing for me to cave into my visceral emotions and, but it’s totally different for someone or something to come along and exploit them for their own avaricious purposes. It really rubs me the wrong way (Insert joke about men and rubbing things).
I know… I know… this is nothing new. Car commercials and certainly beer commercials have been doing this forever. It’s a bona fide guarantee that sex sells. And nine times out of nine, sex sells to men. We are a very horny lot (re-insert the “rubbing” joke from the previous paragraph)
Consider Axe body spray. Upon its creation, Axe became the number one-selling scent for men in the country. An over night sensation making millions and it’s all thanks to horny teenaged boys. Axe ads basically insinuate that, if you use their product, you will have sex. Their commercials show women swooning over the mere smell of Axe, or its competitor Tag, or even Lynx (as it’s known in the UK).
It’s not like men truly believe these ads right? Do the people that use these vile smelling agents actually believe that have these mind controlling effects on women? What were they using before they “Axed Up”? Chloroform? (Anyone who uses the vernacular “Axe Up” should be shot on site)
But it’s just human nature, right? It’s how we are wired. I guess I’ll have to learn to accept how fucking dumb I can be because my “Capillary Puppet” tells me to check out a Dodge Charger when there’s a nice piece of ass slinking around on top of it (calling a woman “a piece of ass” is derogatory as hell, but so is acting like a whore on top of a car).
But I’m really impressed by the latest angle advertisers have used to garner horny men. It is both cutting edge and effective as hell. I’m speaking of course of Lesbianism! Not the lifestyle but rather the image of two college co-ed making out! (It’s probably why you looked at this article in the first place)
Unless they either show people actually fucking on the hood of a Kia or somehow give you a blowjob while watching a Saab commercial, lesbianism has to be the top of the sexual advertising mountain. Hands down (my pants!... Aw, come on- it was right there)!
They're in LOVE!
And a perfect example of how easy it is to gain notoriety and free press with lesbianism is a recent trend in “All Girl” rock bands. In a recent article I happened upon in Spin magazine (don’t ask me why I was reading Spin), they wrote about all-girl tribute rock bands in a story called “Chicks with Picks”. Basically it chronicled all-girl rock groups paying homage to legendary bands such as Led Zeppelin, AC/DC, and The Ramones.
Okay, nothing wrong with that, right?
Well they all had a lesbian hook. In fact Led Zeppelin’s tribute band was called "Les Zeppelin", and their sexual orientation is intentionally "up in the air". It was the main reason the AP ran their story a full two weeks after the Spin magazine article. "Lesbian-Charged Rockers" was one of the headlines I had seen. How can any man not read an article entitled “Lesbian-Charged Rockers”?
So why does this appeal to me? Am I really going to go out and see a show with the all-girl bands AC/DShe, Cheap Chick, and The Ramonas? (All real names btw) Fuck no! Yet there I was, reading about them. “Hopefully I might see them kiss each other”, I might have thought. I can’t believe how easy a sale I was. I was so disappointed that my dick was making me read about these bands. Had I really slumped so low as to only be interested in the story because of the sexual angle? (And why were they all so butch?)
Yes I had. And advertisers know this and they use this daily to sell everything from beer to burritos. Men are drawn to sex like moth to flame (or cock to…well anything you can hump really). I think my disappointment is from a wish that we could be smarter than that. Yet knowing that if I drove down the street and two attractive women were so much as “walking a little close together”, I would not only slow down but I would also stare at them like a bewildered highway drifter (I am told that I stare like that anyway).
I guess we men are simple creatures and when I am reminded of how simple we are, I feel insulted by virtue of my own shortcomings (I resisted very much spelling “comings” with the letter “u” just then).
I imagine that women are just as susceptible; however, the angle must be different. I suspect if you looked at the demographic of the “Dr Phil” viewing audience, you would find that the majority is composed of women. It’s certainly a theory based on a stereotype, but I doubt that I'm too far off. I mean, the commercials are always for Pads and Lean Cuisine. I doubt they are advertising to your father. “Another pad Dad? Heavy flow today huh?”
"Jamie Page" I hope she's Playing Dyker Maker
It just seems men are vulnerable sexually and women are vulnerable emotionally (One wants a hug; the other, a blow job).
There are certainly exceptions to this but I think, on the whole, they are ultimately true. And it’s too bad. I'd like to think mankind has evolved beyond our primal urges; however, I'm frequently reminded that we have not. (Specifically when I am able identify the “Girls Gone Wild” commercial music from another room)
Maybe there will be a day when men and women will be liberated from the confines of their own human nature. Maybe we will be level-headed creatures that can balance their choices with unimpeded good judgment. Until then I guess I guess I’m spraying Axe on my Balls in the hopes that my date will give me a blow job the minute she gets into the car. If that doesn’t work, there’s always Chloroform.
exactly my point, but culturally speaking my generation (teens) of young women are being pushed to express themselves in more shallow sexual way.
some with feminist arguements like "if it is all right for guys to just like hot chicks that want to fuck, then it is all right for me to want to just fuck hot guys" which obviosly isn't true or why would any one care in the first place. it isn't ok for girls to be shallow but it isn't ok for guys to be shallow either.
others are being swayed by media, having more and more female characters (in commercials, tv , movies) that are after hot guys (sex and the city, desperate housewives, tons of commercials, countless movies) so whats the point?
our culture is going down the tubes, and i for one vote that all of us sane and reasonable people move to the moon why the planet destroys it self.
and of course i want to be the "moon King"
Phil
Hmmm
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Posted: 2/28/2006 7:42:27 AM
I would disagree with Colte for one point. I think both men and women are after the hot body. It's just that society doesn't accept that from women and they've learned to hide it better. I have friends that are girls and I have heard them talk to each other and I was shoked at what I heard. They where drueling over some hot guy with a nice body. Maybe women are less horny then men or maybe they're more horny, us men will probably never know.
PU
Colte
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Posted: 2/28/2006 8:53:17 AM
Sounds like Colte isn't getting enough cock in her mouth....
Tom A
Pringles and Sunny D
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Posted: 2/28/2006 9:33:28 AM
LUG's are fun.
[but I still would like to know what "DSL's" are...]
Patrick M
Tom A
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Posted: 2/28/2006 9:34:27 AM
D1ck Sucking Lips.
actuary
Nice pics
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Posted: 2/28/2006 9:51:26 AM
Do you have any more pictures of chicks making out?
Christine
Sometimes I pity you guys
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Posted: 2/28/2006 10:02:03 AM
Jim is 100% accurate with his article. It really is that simple. I see it everyday. Every guy I know wears that Axe shit and it smells like ass and chloroform.
I also sympathize with your inability to look a girl in the eye when her cleavage is showing. I don't even get offended. You really can't help it. I don't think its sexism, its instinct. Sometimes I'll see a really hot guy and automatically imagine us sleeping together, and i have a vivid imagination. However, my outward appearance would never suggest these inner thoughts. Our heads don't migrate toward the penis when we talk to you, but I can assure you that most of the time we are thinking about it.
Tom A
Patrick M
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Posted: 2/28/2006 10:15:58 AM
Ah. Thanks.
Christine - would your eyes gravitate to the junk if we walked around with half of it showing?
Atlas
Girls dont focus
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Posted: 2/28/2006 10:36:41 AM
On the junk because it is not considered particularly attrative. We look at tits and ass while they focus more on eyes and hair, same difference. Girls are very horny, big misconception to think otherwise. Listen, we are all hardwired to procreate, to do this we have to be attracted to each other. If someone thinks that a product will give them a slight edge in the screwing game they will purchase it., that is what advertising is all about percieved benefits.
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