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From Paris’s Future to the truth about that casting couch, the former star of The Daily Show tells all.
Most of you know him as the dry news correspondent from The Daily Show, but the first time I saw Vance DeGeneres he was just some cute guy walking across the lawn in front of the Universal offices in Los Angeles.
It was my third day on the job as a Casting Recruiter for the wholesome dating show, The 5th Wheel.
Feeling mighty confident in my new red sweater, I decided to flirt.
I told him to smile.
He did.
Two days later he walked into my office, smiling.
Thinking he was interested in “finding me,” I quickly applied my lipstick.
Turns out, he was on his way to his office.
He was the producer of the show.
I had flirted with my new boss.
I shrugged and thought, “Move over, Monica Lewinsky”
The Phat Phree: For those looking to steal your identity, what’s the official name on the birth certificate?
Vance: Vance Elliott DeGeneres, but you can just call me Mr. Vance Elliott DeGeneres.
TPP: Nice Name. Where’d you get it?
Vance: New Orleans. It’s in Louisiana, but really shouldn’t be. It should be its own entity, like Washington, D.C, except more corrupt.
TPP: Ah, which is why you chose wholesome Los Angeles, I see. So, let’s say a girl randomly wanted to know where about you lived.
Vance: I live in the Toluca Lake area of Los Angeles. You should drop by if you’re ever in the neighborhood. It’s the sort of yellowy house.
(Ok, guys, we’re in! Er, I’m in, but I’ll let you know how it goes!)
TPP: Ok, It’s a known fact that all famous people have eccentric personalities and various quirks. I know it’s known because I know it. What's yours?
Vance: Well, if I have a quirk – which I’m not saying that I do – it might be thinking that I don’t have any quirks. People in denial about quirks probably have the most and worst quirks. So read into that what you will. And there’s a fine line between being called “quirky” and being called just plain bizarre or crazy. That line is money. If you’re rich you’re quirky, if you’re poor you’re just strange. That’s why I never let anyone know how much money I have.
TPP: Which is why I got your name and birth information up front. In the meantime, while my people are looting your bank account, what are three things that will drive you from quirky to crazy?
Vance: Mean people, rainy days, and traffic jams.
No, wait, let me change that.
Getting popcorn stuck in between your teeth at the movies, which causes you to sob and whimper throughout the film, irritating your date, causing her to get “an attitude,” which you pick up on, then that starts a screaming fight, resulting in you getting thrown out of the theater.
Boy, that sure drives me crazy, alright.
Um, let’s see, what else?
Oh, yeah, it drives me crazy when you’re at a theater seeing a play and you’ve got dinner plans for after the theater, so you take your pants off to avoid wrinkling them, and some teenage usher with “an attitude” throws you out. That’s two things… what else?...
I said popcorn, right?...
Oh, I know. When we go to war based on made-up intelligence, resulting in the whole world hating us, and the deaths of way too many American Marines, soldiers, and sailors. And when you combine that with the threat of a creeping theocracy in our own country…
But mainly the popcorn-in-the-teeth thing drives me crazy, I guess.
TPP: Now, your die-hard fans know this, but before you were the hottest political correspondent on cable, you were living a la Bono as a member of the popular band, "The Cold." Was that your first band?
Vance: Nope, my first band was called The Dark Ages, back in seventh grade. I played lead guitar, which meant that I could play about two more notes than my friend Jay, who played rhythm guitar. Our first gig was a party at some kid’s house down the block. We were supposed to be paid $10. They threw cookies at us instead. You can only go up from there. After that band I had three or four other bands before starting The Cold, but The Cold was the most successful and by far the most fun.
An Ad For 'The Cold'
TPP: What do you play? What songs have you written?
Vance: I mainly play bass these days, but I play guitar, keyboards, drums, and clarinet. That was my first instrument in the fourth grade. Chicks dig a dude who plays the ol’ licorice stick. I also wrote or co-wrote lots of The Cold’s material. Then I moved to L.A. and started House of Schock with Gina Schock from The Go-Gos. She and I wrote the songs on our Capital album. We have some of our songs in “Bull Durham,” and “The Accused.”
I’ve also written songs that have been in various TV shows. I co-wrote a song from an “Ellen” episode that David Crosby, Bonnie Raitt, and Aaron Neville play and sing during the show, and a song that Eddie Fisher sings in another episode.
I also co-wrote the opening song from the ’97 Grammy Awards.
TPP: Now, we here at the Phat Phree a fairly traditional bunch. In fact, I dare say that nothing makes us happier than a good old-fashioned groupie story. C'mon, share one-- or five?
Vance: I wish I could, because there are some good ones, but because of the rules put in place by the 1981 agreement between the Musicians’ Union and the Groupies’ Union, I’m not allowed to talk about them. And, besides, it would be so redundant. All groupie stories about bands are basically the same three stories, give or take a detail or two. But I have to say, thank God for rock and roll, because I’m basically shy and would never go up and introduce myself to a girl. Scared of being rejected or laughed at. Being in bands, girls would come up and introduce themselves to you. I’m not quite sure how girls feel about fake political correspondents. Significantly less panty-throwing, although, I still had a roadie test my microphone and bring me a towel after each interview on the Daily Show. Some habits die hard.
TPP: What is the craziest thing about the life of a Rock G-d?
Vance: Well, pretty much everything about it, I think. For one thing, you’re getting to do something that you love doing for a living. How many people can say that? I was lucky enough to have done it for a bunch of years. You go to bed late, wake up when you want. Travel around playing your own music. Not to mention the whole people-cheering-for-you-on-stage thing. I mean, it’s certainly not a normal thing, and it spoils you. It’s all crazy and not natural and it’s the greatest.
TPP: What would surprise our readers about the life of a musician?
Vance: That it’s actually a very normal life. Oh, wait. I just said that it’s NOT normal, huh? Alright, let me change my answer to this question. People might be surprised to know that until 1989, all rock musicians lived in government-run dormitories in Biloxi, Mississippi and Topeka, Kansas. They put you through a six month training program and then when there was an opening in a band, they’d send you to whatever city it was and you’d join that particular band. The program was only cut when money allocated for the program was diverted by congress to an unnecessary and frivolous child-care program for underprivileged kids.
TPP: G’head. Plug something.
Vance: I have a new band called THE FAMOUS PIES. We play my songs, mainly pop rock-type things. Lots of three-part vocal harmonies. It’s a four piece group. Glenn Oyabe is the guitarist - and a really great one. Tony Alda is a terrific drummer and has one of the biggest laughs in the world- always a good quality in a drummer. Well, that and he’s probably one of the top five cowbell players in the tri-county area. Rosie (won’t tell us her last name) is the singer/tambourineist/shakers player person. Fine voice and noted for her fancy shakers work. I play bass and we all sing.
We’re playing at The Mint, on Pico in Los Angeles, on Thursday, June 9, 10 pm, and The Gig, on Melrose in Los Angeles, on – I believe – July 1. But people should check upcoming shows on our website, WWW.THEFAMOUSPIES.COM.
The website is fun for the whole family. But if nudity offends you, then I’d advise you not to visit it. I mean, we don’t really have much nudity, or any nudity, in fact, but I just don’t appreciate that uptight attitude.
TPP: There is a rumor you were in the Military? How in the hell did you make that jump? Did you lose a bet?
Vance: Yes, ma’am, United States Marine Corps, ma’am. Oh, it was a wild time. Marine Corps boot camp is a lot like summer camp, except instead of pottery-making and swimming and nap-time, you’re yelled and screamed at and forced to hike 20 miles with boots and helmets and 50 pound packs and rifles and canteens and things and then there’s the whole shooting and the running and the getting out of bed at 5:30. Other than that it’s virtually no different than summer camp. I joined because I thought I needed a good kick in the ass at the time, and boy did I get what I wished for. I was a corporal. I have to say, though, that I wouldn’t trade it for anything. It really teaches you what you’re capable of doing. If you can make it through that you can make it through anything, even this interview.
TPP: Ouch. (I think he likes me) Let’s get back to comedy. Comedy is good. When did you realize this?
Vance: I sort of accidentally slid into comedy. I had a friend in New Orleans when I was about 18, and we had the same sense of humor, or senseless humor. We started performing impromptu comedy interviews at friends’ parties. It was Bob & Ray type stuff. They were real comedy pioneers back in the fifties and sixties and we’d listen to their comedy albums, as well as Woody Allen’s, Richard Pryor’s, and especially Firesign Theater’s. Anyway, that led to us shooting some little comedy films on my partner’s Super 8 Camera. Then we got our own weekly comedy radio show, and eventually did a bunch of TV shows in New Orleans. Very long story short, we wound up having one of our short films shown on Saturday Night Live, then moved to Manhattan to take advantage of our good luck. Our act was called “The Mr. Bill Show.”
TPP: I know you have a sister, Eileen or something like that, who aspires to be a famous comedienne, what advice do you give her?
Vance: Whatever you do, don’t talk about your personal life.
TPP: What comediennes inspire you?
Vance: Back when I was just starting out my comedy heroes were Woody Allen, Bob & Ray, Monty Python, Richard Pryor, and Jack Benny. All classics. I have to say that Allen Funt was right up there as well. He’s the guy who created hidden-camera TV with Candid Camera. Some of the early stunts they did on that show will never be matched in terms of sheer comedic simplicity and brilliance. Those are the guys I grew up on.
TPP: Who inspires you now?
Vance: I’d have to say my sister, Ellen. She’s a great example of someone who did things for the right reason, stood up for her beliefs, and suffered terribly for doing so, but then came back stronger, funnier, and even more successful. But she’s still my punk kid sister.
TPP: No great comedienne is great 100% of the time—Hence, most of SNL in recent years. Did you ever bomb?
Vance: Bomb? Oh, yeah. Big time. The Mr. Bill Show (the collective name of our act) was booked to do a show at a place in New Orleans called The Sho-Bar. It’s a strip joint on Bourbon Street. I don’t remember exactly why we thought it would be a good idea to do a comedy show featuring stand-up, musical comedy and short films at a strip joint, but we did. We were to go on at Midnight and the guy who announced all the strippers kept telling the drunken sailors in the audience to stick around for “Bill’s triple X-rated home movies!” That’s how we were being promoted. So, you can only imagine when we finally went on how disappointed the comedy – and sobriety-challenged audience was. It was not X-rated. In fact, we probably could’ve done our act at a grade school assembly. The drunks seemed to prefer the strippers to two teenagers doing lame jokes without filthy punchlines. We were heckled and I believe we cut our act short. Very short. I was so depressed that the next morning I decided I never wanted to do comedy ever again. That retirement lasted a couple of months. And then there was the night when we had to go on after Andy Kaufman. We were living in New York and doing our act at The Improv. It was late on a Monday night and Kaufman came in, wanted to go on. The manager asked us if we minded if Andy went on first, because we were scheduled up next. We were more than happy to let him go on. We were huge fans. Well, he went on stage and proceeded to order chocolate cake, a glass of milk, and chocolate syrup from a waitress. He waited in silence for about five minutes until she brought his order up on stage. He ate the cake, drank the milk, and then got into a sleeping bag and went to sleep on stage. We all were waiting for the punchline. It never came. He just wanted to see how far he could push the audience until they got pissed off. Finally, they got pissed off and started booing Andy. He got up, took his sleeping bag and walked off stage without a word. To be cute, someone yelled “more!” Kaufman walked back on stage, got back into the sleeping bag and went back to sleep. By the time we got on stage the audience was in a foul mood. Needless to say, we didn’t do so well.
Vance In Action on 'The Daily Show' photo copyright: Comedy Central
TPP: The Daily Show is one of the most respected news shows in the country—and probably the most accurate. How long were you involved with the show?
Vance: I was on for two and a half years. I started shooting field pieces just before Jon took over, and then started on the air the week Jon debuted. It was January of 1999.
TPP: Have a favorite sketch?
Vance: I used to do a series of stories called “Tales of Survival.” They were a parody of Dateline NBC’s “survivor stories,” which were dramatically over the top. And my favorite one of those stories was probably “Blackie the Cat.” It was basically just a kitty up in a tree in Chicago, and the fire department got it down, but we blew it totally out of proportion and made it tremendously dramatic.
TPP: Craziest fan story?
Vance: I don't have any fans. The fans that I do have aren't really mine, they're on loan from Tony Orlando. I have access to them for a couple of months a year while he's performing in Branson, Missouri.
TPP: Now, Mr. Political guru, three words to describe Bush (The President)
Vance: Homer Simpson incarnate.
TPP: Three words to describe Paris Hilton?
Vance: Our next President.
TPP: Now, not many people know this, but you are a jack of all trades. On top of being a musician and comedienne, you also produce- what are some shows you've done?
Vance: A bunch of different stuff. Years ago I created and produced – with my friend, TV’s Alex Herschlag, he ran Will & Grace last year – The 4th Floor Show. It was a mock talk show that wound up airing on E!, but didn’t go to series. Some other shows are Rendez-view for Paramount, The 5th Wheel for Universal, Pat Croce: Moving In for Sony, and several other pilots. I co-created a show called “Your Local News” with Andy Lassner. It was a Fox show for Spike. It parodied local news, but didn’t go to series.
TPP: Is there a casting couch? Ever use it?
Vance: There is, but it’s really old and smelly now. It’s the same one that’s been used in Hollywood since Fatty Arbuckle had it in his dressing trailer. I bought it for $17 at a Robert Evans garage sale a few years ago, but a couple of the little legs are missing and it had some weird stains. I almost never use it anymore. Even though it has a rich Hollywood history, chicks seem to find it a turn-off.
TPP: Who gets more chicks in Hollywood, Producers or Musicians?
Vance: They both probably do quite well, but here’s the difference, I think. Producers lie to chicks to get them into bed, tell them they’ll put them in their new movie. Musicians, on the other hand, don’t have to say a word. You just have to be up there on stage with a guitar strapped around you. After all, look at Burl Ives and Boxcar Willie. They did alright.
TPP: When/why did you move into producing?
Vance: Well, I’ve been producing TV since the early 90s, even when I was a writer on shows, but I’ve focused on it more since I left the Daily Show. I still do on-camera stuff, but not as much as before. I’ve been doing some comedy bits with Craig Ferguson on The Late Late Show lately. That’s been a lot of fun. I love doing on-camera. That’s by far the most fun.
TPP: You produced one of the classics in reality tv, "The 5th Wheel," how do you feel about Reality TV today? How has it changed?
Vance: Yeah, reality TV has changed. It’s growing up. I think it started changing for the better when Larry David created “Curb Your Enthusiasm.” It’s sort of a distant cousin to regular reality shows, but I think it belongs in the category because it’s improvised from an outline, and that makes it semi-real. Great show, and that has spawned a lot of similar shows. I’m actually producing a pilot in that general area at the moment, and it’s a lot of fun. I think reality TV is actually going to wind up being good for TV, and not the end of the world like a lot of writers thought it would be. Or maybe it will wind up being the end of the world for writers. Who knows?
TPP: The Bible: True or False?
Vance: Well, my copy is personally autographed by the author, so it better be real or I spent $25 on ebay for nothing.
Want More Vance? check out www.vancedegeneres.com to see video clips of and listen to some of his solo music… in a week or so when it is finished.
I love The Daily Show but Vance is sorely missed everytime I watch it these days. He's an awesome comedian, one of equal talent with his famous sibling, it's nice to see him get the respect he deserves.
Great job with the interview, Brenda Della Casa.
grammar is nice
man or woman?
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Posted: 5/23/2005 1:33:01 PM
Surely you know that comedienne is feminine. Is Vance a woman? He doesn't look particulally feminine, altough he does appear to have waxed eyebrows.
Otherwise, nice interview.
Charlie
Grammer IS Nice...
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Posted: 5/23/2005 3:28:30 PM
Vance is a man, and Brenda never refers to him as a comedienne. She chooses to use the female rather than male, comedian, when referring to comedians, or comediennes, as a group. There is nothing grammatically incorrect about that.
Jesse L.
Nice
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Posted: 5/25/2005 10:04:34 PM
Good work on the interview, Brenda.
Tom A
Good Stuff, this Interview
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Posted: 5/26/2005 10:44:57 AM
But tell me about this red sweater...
Brenda Della Casa
The Red Sweater
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Posted: 5/26/2005 7:29:53 PM
It was tight, short and had little peek-a-boo holes in it. Oh and it showed my tummy ;)
Peek-a-Boo
Red Sweater
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Posted: 5/27/2005 11:54:18 AM
I like it! How about posting a few pics?
Tom A
Mmmmmm, Peek-a-boo holes...aaaaahhh
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Posted: 5/27/2005 2:25:56 PM
Sounds lovely. Tall, funny, Italian from Gotham, snazzy dresser...
Oh, but wait - you've got the mammery-shammery thing going on.
Damn these cognitive dissonances!
Brenda Della Casa
Don't turn my Interview into a personal ad!
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Posted: 5/27/2005 3:39:47 PM
I say Go Vance! Go Fake Boobs! Go Me!
Tom A
Oops, Sorry
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Posted: 5/27/2005 4:25:49 PM
That "Mmmmm - Ahhhhh" thing was just a little Homer Simpson reference trying to bring things full circle (see Vance's comment re: Dubya, above).
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