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12/4/2005
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Burbank, U.S.
Posted: 12/8/2005
As I grow older and more dashing, I tend to run into more and more single women who have had the misfortune of bearing a child. Many people are hesitant to become romantically involved with a chick with a kid. But speaking from personal experience, don’t knock it, as they say, until you’ve tried it.
Of course there’s a downside to dating a woman in this situation, namely, Corey. Obviously, children suck and should be avoided at all costs. The kid might want you to talk to it, or it might c...
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I had a buddy that dated a mom, he also said she was a freak in bed. But, eventually the bagage (child) was what ended the relationship. Keep'em coming Mike this is good stuff
once
moms
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Posted: 12/8/2005 6:08:02 AM
I am totally feeling this one bro. i dated a mom for a while and we had to drag the kid everywhere we went. funny shit.
Jason
CPA
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Posted: 12/8/2005 7:42:47 AM
Mike Polk is the funniest person who writes for this website, and he also is possibly the funniest person in the world. With articles like "Look At My Striped Shirt," and "Date A Chick With A Kid," how could you not think he's the best?
Jack
funny
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Posted: 12/8/2005 7:55:53 AM
Hit the nail on head.
Mom's are great but at least for me they never last long.
gmoney
so true!
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Posted: 12/8/2005 8:21:55 AM
i must admit that mom's are pretty decent to date. firstly, you can totally score above your hot status with a mom. i once (temporarily) banged this mom who was way hotter than all of the usuall skanks i date...and only because HER options were limited. plus, they always have the best cereal in the morning, chocolate syrup in the cubbord (for all that ice cream that is in the freezer!) and they've usually got baby whipes close to the bed (for when you want the early morning hoodie and are affraid she'll smell your man juice from the night before). plus, they hardly ever want you to stay the night, so you're free to go cruising at the bar with your buddies, or catch the game. Plus, they have to go that extra mile (as their self esteem tells them that no sane, normal and well-adjusted man would want them) and therefore anal is in play! one downfall: Disney and Pixar. I think i've seen every animated movie in the world. however, if this gets me a swallowing, anal lovin', big breated hottie, then so be it.
Tripp
True but how many is too many
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Posted: 12/8/2005 9:25:40 AM
I met a girl in a bar one night and went out with her a few nights later. After the date I still had no idea she had a child. The next phone conversation we have I hear one in the background. "That's her son", she said. The next phone conversation I was informed of her daughter. The next phone conversation I found out about her other infant son. She totally tried to be casual when telling me about them as if I wouldn't notice. It was like she didn't know what caused that shit. Three little accidents are too much for me.
Funny stuff.
J-Dub
I need to date a mom!
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Posted: 12/8/2005 9:26:58 AM
Dude this article was f'ing awesome! You are the funniest SOB that writes for this site.
If I can make a request, follow up this article with the black guy / fat white chick phenomenon that touched on. " Fat girls want to be loved and held and complimented, just like real girls do"......I was drinking coffee and some actually came out of my nose at this point! Bravo.
Beetle
Fantastic!
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Posted: 12/8/2005 9:29:36 AM
Great article Mike! (again). I just wish it was longer. I could have used another 10 paragraphs. I hereby nominate Mr. Michael Polk for Phresident of the Phat Phree!
Some highlights: "Additionally, kids are generally sticky and smell like a combination of apple juice, maple syrup and piss." So true, it is the scent of peanut butter that gets me. Kids ALWAYS wreak of peanut butter. I can't even enjoy a PBJ anymore because it reminds me of 4 year-old snot bags.
“Did somebody have too many Heinekens? Who had too many Heninekens?” Classic.
Eugene
Second paragraph was hilarious
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Posted: 12/8/2005 9:49:10 AM
then it slowed down, with a couple of really funny lines here and there. Very good job overall.
RJ
That's right
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Posted: 12/8/2005 10:06:38 AM
Mom's are the easiest to score with, just ask my roommate. "At TGIFriday's happy hour "crushing" half priced 22s and smoking Camel Lights"...classic, and hilarious as always.
Atlas
Great Job
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Posted: 12/8/2005 10:07:22 AM
"Of course there’s a downside to dating a woman in this situation, namely, Corey. "
Giving the little bastard a name from the very beginning, comedic genius.
Buggin
Funny Article
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Posted: 12/8/2005 10:45:02 AM
I once dated a mom and found this article to be so dead on. I loved the part about snacks. Very funny and very true!
Kenny
Well done.
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Posted: 12/8/2005 11:03:00 AM
First time I've laughed at something on this site in at least two weeks. I was hesitant to check in at TPP for a while, but my faith is restored.
hoooweee
the cooker
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Posted: 12/8/2005 11:18:19 AM
from working as a waiter @ the cuyahoga falls cooker to cranking out quality acticles, mike polk you sure have come a long way. you are the best thing to come out of kent since jack lambert
Yeezy
True.
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Posted: 12/8/2005 11:21:14 AM
“Did somebody have too many Heinekens? Who had too many Heninekens?”
I knew from the second I saw the title that this would be hilarious. Im with one right now. and yes the man speaks the truth i had an incident the other night with heineken and he could not have put it any better.
mad props
Mike
Ended on a high note
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Posted: 12/8/2005 11:24:07 AM
This one has me rolling. Great article!
"Plus, if nothing else, there are usually juiceboxes in the fridge."
matt
Polk
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Posted: 12/8/2005 11:31:52 AM
Hilarious, thanks.
Ames
Good Stuff
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Posted: 12/8/2005 11:55:51 AM
All very true. Love the part about vomiting because of too many Heninekens
Mike S
Good
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Posted: 12/8/2005 12:01:44 PM
This was entertaining. Mike's an incredibly talented writer, one of my favorites on the site, and I instantly click on his articles when I see them. This wasn't one of his best though, it just didn't have that same level of groundbreaking thought, but was still good.
I think people are going a little overboard with the praise of this article.
It needed some over-the-toppedness, to really get the coffee sprayin'. Just my 50 cents.
Thanks for the free entertainment.
Christine
I agree
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Posted: 12/8/2005 12:11:54 PM
Kids really do smell like Apple juice, maple syrup, and piss. All of them do, its weird.
Joe Kickass
"They even had a little person come out of their vagina."
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Posted: 12/8/2005 12:29:50 PM
Fucking brilliant.
Inspired me to go milf-hunting this weekend.
Kiley
If we're gonna quote...
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Posted: 12/8/2005 12:35:59 PM
we should quote the best line ..."just like real girls do."
You're the King. No doubt about it.
Mom Lover
In a relationship with one..
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Posted: 12/8/2005 12:47:19 PM
...we are very much in love and her daughter is a joy. I just don't understand why, when she says she respects your input and wants you to be the positive male role model for her daughter, she's so quick to blow off any of my child development suggestions, opting to take the "i know best, it's my kid" strategy...even when she refers to her as "our daughter" which I don't really mind either (becuase I'm 10 times the father her real father is). But COME ON, when you want me to be a father figure then you nix all my input on raising her, what kind of a signal does that send? It says "fuck you I know what I'm doing even though I'm technically asking you for help but I'll only take it when I need it and complain when you fall short."
Jiff
Eugene?
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Posted: 12/8/2005 12:53:46 PM
I'm kinda new to this site. Is Eugene the officail grader? Every artice written has some critical shot by this jerkoff. Who gives a shit what you think? Do they not let you be hall moniter anymore? Write a better piece and submit it.
Johnny Lydon
Wha?
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Posted: 12/8/2005 1:10:09 PM
Decent, not your best work but following your previous articles would be tough for anyone. I've also found dating women in the 30-35 range (I'm 25) is a definete plus. They have careers (money) and are desperate to land a husband. You can parlay this into free dinners and drinks while high-fiving your friends for pulling older ass. In the end though, you find out the real reason that they're single. Most of them are crazy, paranoid and end up stalking you until you until you show them it's over by fingerblasting an 18 year old in front of their friends while you're too drunk to know anyone is watching (happened twice).
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