Hey! Hey man, hows it going? Wait, did I ask you that already? Wait- nevermind. Anyway, glad you could make it. Welcome to my meth lab.
Yep, this is it. This is where I cook all that speed I was telling you about. I cook and I cook and I cook and I, well you know, I cook. Not like a housewife or anything though, you know, meatloaf and shit- not like that. I cook with chemicals and shit. Its crazy.
Did you remember to pick up that case of drain cleaner? You did? Great! If anyone asks Ive got a hell of a clog in my bathtub, right? Get it? Ha! Dustys going to be here soon with that pallet of cough supressant he stole from his work and well get going! Man, Im so glad you came.
How have you been, man? What? No, Im not sick- its just allergies. Yeah, I think Im allergic to all that crank Ive been snorting! Hey-O! Thats a joke, did you get it? So how have you been, my man?
Oh, you brought lunch? Thanks, man, but Im good. I had a sandwich a couple of days ago and Im still stuffed. But hey, seriously, thanks for offering.
And thanks again for picking the shit up man. You know, I would have bought it myself, but I took my cars engine apart last night, you know, to see how it works- and can you believe it, I couldnt figure out how to put it back together! Is that some fucked up shit or what?
Make sure the kids know that isn't milk
Okay, Im going to start boiling this Drano so you may want to wear this mask. Me? Nah man, I never wear that shit. Im a purist. Which reminds me, did you know that if you multiply 13 by itself three times it comes out to 2197? Thats the year the world is going to end. Its true.
Aw man, you hear that? That crying? Shit, my girls kids woke up. Man, do me a favor, would you go close that door? Thanks. Fucking kids, you know? Im trying to work here and I got those brats in my ear and shit.
Huh? Oh, theyd be at her house if we hadnt had that accident there last week. Blew the whole place up, it was fucking crazy. Yeah, my girls in the burn ward for a couple more days so I got the kids for a minute. Like I said, its fucked.
What? Social Services? What the fuck is that? Fine, do it, I dont care. Call em and tell em the kids are on the curb. You know what, man, thats a great idea. Get these munchkins outta my shit for a while.
So youre leaving? Damn man, you just got here! You dont feel safe? Man, I got shotguns and rifles everywhere- were totally safe. Anyone comes and tries to take my stash and theyll have a buckshot to reckon with, yeah they will!
Alright, suit yourself, man. Hey, thanks for checking in. Stop by anytime, Ill be up.
irken Posted: 2/28/2006by: irkin dresler OMG!! the price of the for drug to use is beyond the comprehensions. OMG!! anyone to knowing what it horrible addictions to reduce live to death squad! convert to the stop drug use! awake to all hour is to be able to liking of died soon. OMG!! thx. CUNTGUT Posted: 8/5/2005by: Eric Cartman
"CUNTGUT" : noun.
"An affliction affecting overweight females in which the lower portion of the abdomen drapes over or puffs out over the genital region."
Synonyms: Fupa, Bubblepussy, Flabby Cooter Cover Endo Posted: 7/29/2005by: Snoop DoggPoo H to the izzo, V to tha izzay. God Damn Hippies. Posted: 7/28/2005by: word. You stupid God damn hippy. Are you out of your mind? The Government makes Meth? Who put that in your no original thought having mind, one of your Marxist hippy professors? I swear to god. You and your patchouli stank, jerry town friends are completely bat shit crazy. Meth Posted: 7/28/2005by: reader I find your article highly unbelievable. Our government makes all the meth on the streets not your average home lab.......
:) Fuckwad Dogfucker Posted: 7/28/2005by: YoMama and, of course, Cum Dumpster.
Just getting some mileage after wasting time reading this piece of monkey shit.
No meantion of a dick or a fart Yes, I like to say douche. Posted: 7/28/2005by: Molly I also liked this article. Well done Hofman. A welcomed splash of creativity after yesterday's piece of shit.
Douche douche douche. Independence, MO Posted: 7/28/2005by: trapt in KC Do you understand the impact to resale value when your guest bathroom is caked with meth residue and your strung out neighbor has been sleeping under your mailbox for 2 weeks? Titusville? Meth? Posted: 7/28/2005by: Jesse L. I don't know about meth, but I understand there was a big oil strike in Titusville back in the day.
