I am a goddamned commercial loan officer and you are shit. My personality is Type-A to the motherfucking third power. I am a winner and you had better not forget it.
Everything about me exudes power, from my goddamned ties to my motherfucking car. I am worth hundreds of thousands of dollars and counting.
I am engineered to win. Failure isnt in my vocabulary. I dont even know what it means. Seriously. My ever increasing net worth is proof of that.
I could sell ice to an Eskimo, then turn around and sell that motherfucker a freezer to keep it cold. Thats not arrogance, thats just a fact.
Ive never dated a bitch that I didnt fuck. Can you say that? No? Then you could never be me. Youd get eaten alive, you pussy. My team and I would devour you like a motherfucking lion on an autistic kid playing with a raw steak. It wouldnt be pretty.
I fuck everything hard, even myself. Thats right, I masturbate aggressively to show myself that I dont fuck around. Wham, bam, thank you hand. Then its on to the next, you know what Im saying? If not, fuck you. Go big or go home, cocksucker.
Im fucking hardcore all the way. Im a goddamned predator and the world is my prey. Thats why Im a top fucking performer, number one in my region four years in a row. I do not fuck around.
When I need to take someone down, I do not hesitate. I will fuck a competitor like a Polynesian hooker if it gets me what I want. Heavy hitters hit hard. Understand that before you stand in my way, because Im a motherfucking steamroller. A goddamned racehorse, bred to win.
My motherfucking team
Im so good that when I sold my soul to the devil, I got him to kick in an extra three basis points on the deal. I fucked him over big time!
I hate my fucking mother. That goddamned bitch can suck my cock. If I wanted to I could help her retire early, but I dont. Its not my fault she decided to be a teacher for no goddamned money. Stupid whore.
I start almost every goddamned sentence with the word I because thats where I belong- first. I settle for no fucking less.
I once had a dog that I loved very much, but then it fucking died one day. Fuck that dog!
I have a mansion that I drive to every night and sleep at. I have a staff of immigrants that keep it clean and maintain the yard. They are my closest friends.
My eyes water each night from working so hard. Thats how intense I am!
I drive my car along the Palisade cliffs late at night, hoping that I do not go over the edge. I do not want to die because I have no beneficiaries. My money would go to the state if I died. My money needs me too much. I could never allow the state to take custody of it.
I ignore the grand scheme of things because I fucking hate that type of shit. Put me in the goddamned ring with a client and I wont just close, Ill slam the motherfucker shut like youve never seen. Thats what matters in this life- that is all that matters right?
I am alone. I am so motherfucking goddamned alone.
pimp Posted: 3/31/2006by: Brasky I drive a DODGE STRATUS!!!! Hoooooooooooopz Posted: 3/28/2006by: roSALES Allocacion
good stuff Posted: 3/28/2006by: PB "I once had a dog that I loved very much, but then it fucking died one day. Fuck that dog!"
Now THAT is funny shit. Give me back my article! Posted: 3/27/2006by: Striped Shirt Guy How dare you change my article around SHUT UP! Posted: 3/27/2006by: STRIPED SHIRT GUY Stop comparing me with this guy, you assholes! I'm no lame-ass loan officer! I'm a fucking VP! That's right, no more "Junior"! I got a fucking promotion!
I'll never be lonely like this fucking loser! I've got my boys! We go out every weekend and raise hell! Bad boyz 4 life!
Later, pussies! I'm going to pick a real fight! Bill Posted: 3/27/2006by: Bruno That response was pretty gross.
Good work. Bruno Posted: 3/27/2006by: Bill Nice story. Now pull your pants up.
The only problem is that my "girlfriend" is just a roommate who happens to be a pre-op tranny, and he/she said you were good because you "slipped right in like nothin'" and because he/she always likes it when his/her lovers sob for their mommies when they before, during, and after cumming. He/she also liked that you begged for the Golden Shower to rinse away your tears. And that you paid in cash. I love it Posted: 3/27/2006by: superior Great article.
I love how every article's comments section just turns into a massive flame war. Bunch of pimpled, calculator-weilding bad-asses arguing verbally over miles of fiber and copper, that's what I see.
The only thing I will contribute to this flame war is that entering your real email address on any page is a bad idea, unless you like spam. It's hard to tell whether a webmaster has taken the steps to obfuscate email addresses, which hides them from crawlers used by spammers to harvest addresses.
But then again, you idiots are probably unaware of that and still use your real addresses here so you can be way tough, and shit on each other. Then you start emailing back and forth, setting up a real-life fist fight that turns into an anal sex marathon, followed by a move to Hawaii. I now pronounce you life partners.
Sorry, that's just the way it goes. Bill Posted: 3/27/2006by: Bruno I hear you're always this smart.
For example, when your girlfriend told you last week that her hair got wet in the rain, you were right to believe her, even if it was 54 and sunny outside. Jumping to conclusions, such as the one that had me back-dooring her with her head in my toilet, would have just caused drama.
Tell her I got the clog out, by the way. From the Web Posted: 3/27/2006by: Patrick M Whether you liked this article or not -- I did -- don't forget to click the From the Web Section. I am amazed, scared and amused.
