Time for a little homage to the theme from "Rawhide" that taught me that crabs dont last forever! And boy, were they right. It seems that as quickly as it took you to prematurely ejaculate and get the little fellas, theyre gone.
I dont know any guy that cant go for a good ball scratch, and boy do those critters do the trick. But how do you get away with a socially acceptable scratch just whenever? You cant. Oh, but a nice case of the crabbies will do the trick. Plus, does anyone ever really believe you when you say youve got em? You could be going at your carls like theyre a couple of $10 SCRAAAATCHERS and folks will ask you what you are up to. So which is a more fun way to answer, My balls itch or Crabs? Everyone gets a good guffaw out of the latter. The first one just gets you a goofy look from the girls you are hitting on at the bar. So I hear.
A Chinatown Special
One day they are here and the next day youre Brian Fantana and you are shaving James Westphal and Dr. Kenneth Noisewater. Youre sitting there thinking to yourself that Dr. Evil was correct; there isnt anything quite like a shorn scrotum. But at that point you still feel a little depressed at the loss of your new friends. You realize every moment you spend with them is precious.
It was fun while they lasted
These guys will even help open up the lines of communication. Telling your girlfriend about that nasty toilet seat you sat on in Chinatown that gave em to you (whose name may or may not have been Sally. Or Julie. Something with a J) is a sure way to see how well the two of you talk as a couple. You may even find out how shallow she is if she dumps you for something so trivial.
Some guys go for the 1970s Playboy bush, but for some there just isnt anything more patriotic or erotic (paterotic?) then the bald eagle look. Is there an easier way to get one over on the old lady and make her shave her beav then making it a medically necessary procedure? You give her the gift of crabs and in return she ends up giving you the gift of not picking short and curlies out of your teeth.
The time between your joyful discovery that youve got a new posse in your pants and the time that bottle of Rid sends them packing is shorter then your realize. It is in these fleeting moments that you know it is better to have loved and gotten the crabs then never to have rolled some random skank at all. Like sands through the hourglasscrabs dont last forever.
BEDS Posted: 2/2/2006by: Nick Bedsheets are notorious for crab infestation, too. I know a guy who gave crabs to his girlfriend's father by sleeping in his bed.
Christine was wondering about how these little shits survive. The question really is, "How don't they survive?" They're everywhere and they're tough bastards. Sometimes even innocent bystanders, such as the aforementioned girlfriend's father, find themselves subject to infestation.
I'm sorry for instilling so much fear into everybody. Though they're gross, the fact of the matter is that they're easily dealt with.
Hmm Posted: 2/2/2006by: Paul Well Nick, it sounds like the way to avoid crabs is to never wear clothing and not bump your uglies into anyone else's uglies without inspecting them for bugs.
Bugs on your genitals might be the grossest thing ever. Yes Nick Posted: 2/2/2006by: Christine That does help. I will never enter a Laundry Matt or piss in a public bathroom again, so thank you. You saved Little Suzie! Article Posted: 2/2/2006by: HMK It was bland to me. Good subject with tons of potential, but it fell short. This subject matter would be better tackled in a personal story line; it doesn't need a lot of help in being funny, just some personal humiliation. Listen to me I think I'm a critic, ha ha! The Pubic Louse Posted: 2/2/2006by: Nick ... is actually a separate organism from the common head louse. These fuckers are hard, too. They can live up to a week independant of a human body in clothing, but have also been known to dwell in public washing machines, and even toilet seats.
I dare to assert that more people get crabs from infested fabrics and surfaces than actual pube-to-pube contact - and shaving your pubic hair IS NOT an advisable means of ridding yourself of the infestation.
Does that help, Christine? Hmmm Posted: 2/2/2006by: matt abit rambiling,but funny enough. Jusat set fire to your crotch fire purifies all. As I type I am just about to burn my desk nto a glorious blaze. Nothing like alittle fire to go out on. I just don't understand Posted: 2/2/2006by: Christine How one initially gets crabs. Long long ago and far far away, someone got crabs in there pubes. Are you telling me that this disease has been spreading for centuries? I mean, in this day and age we are cleaner and we don't expose ourselve in dirty places where a crab might be, right? Crabs can't just appear right? they have to be passed. I realize I am making no sense right now. I am just confused and frightened. Bull Posted: 2/2/2006by: e I thought it was hilarious. Too short only because I wanted to keep reading. Agree Posted: 2/2/2006by: Milton this was too short and needed some structure. Not that funny either. Article Posted: 2/2/2006by: Atlas Was all over the place, didn't seem focused or that funny.
