 | Kool and the Gang advocates gender equality. |
Ladies, we should be so proud of ourselves. Weve come a long way. We are strong, independent and successful. We hold positions of power, run Fortune 500 companies and best of all, we have one night a week at local dive bars dedicated solely to us. We get free well liquor and cheap beer, which we drink from little plastic cups for a few glorious hours. Weve finally made it.
I thought we would forever go unappreciated in the eyes of men centuries of being oppressed, holed up in the house only permitted to cook, clean and bear children. But all is not lost. Ladies Night is the thanks and gratitude weve been searching for all these years. Forget equal pay and opportunities, the comfort of not being sexually harassed at work, or being praised for our minds not out bodies. Cheap liquor and watered-down beer is enough to set our minds at ease and make up for all the demeaning behavior weve had to endure.
I have never felt more appreciated and honored than stepping foot into a dingy bar, slipping on a paper wristband and waiting 45 minutes for my first complimentary beverage. I am so grateful for the free booze, you can be sure Ill sleep with any guy that comes my way. And when I have enough liquid thanks coursing through my blood, Ive even been known to celebrate this feminine victory with another fellow honoree by taking off my shirt, making out with her and dancing on the bar. Theres no better way to display my new-found female dominance than by towering over my male subordinates while performing a spontaneous and seductive dance. I am woman, watch me chug.
With swelling pride, I gladly attend these celebratory nights. For the first time, I know there are no ulterior motives to these events. We women are in the spotlight. And to all those men who come to our night (and there are so many of you, sometimes even out numbering us), I want to thank you for recognizing our worth. I can see the sparkle in your eyes and read the zeal in your faces reflections of your appreciation. Even offering to chauffeur me home after the open bar; it shows that you arent afraid to take up the less appealing position of caregiver, a position that in the past has only been ours. That alone is enough to make me forgive and forget the centuries of being made to feel inferior. Now were finally equals.
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