Last season the Houston Astros started out 15-30, fought back to grab a Wild-Card berth, and got all the way to the World Series, despite a lack of good players. It was a gritty ride for the 'Stros, but it shouldn't have happened. The National League shouldn't have allowed it.
Then again, plenty of National League's recent best have been known more for their weaknesses than their strength. The last NL team to win a World Series- a game in the World Series, even- just got themselves imploded in a decks-clearing prelude to making themselves a more gussied-up whore for a different city. The Cardinals, the "model franchise" in the league, will be forever known as the Finland in Boston's Miracle-on-Grass run to the title in '04.
Here's something hair-raising for the National League partisans: the last three teams to win it all out of the Senior Circuit were the '97 Marlins, '01 Diamondbacks, and '03 Marlins. All three of these teams were the Major-League version of what Tony Soprano does to David Scutino's sporting goods store.
If they can just quit being owned by their expansion teams, the National League might just make some noise one of these days.
National League East By Steve Kiley
Einstein defined insanity as doing the same thing over and over and expecting different results. With that in mind, how can anyone not pick Atlanta to win the division? The sexy pick for the NL East is the Mets, to be sure; they have the second highest payroll in all of baseball behind the Yankees and aggressively added talent to their pitching staff and batting order, something theyve been attempting to execute for a few years with disappointing results. Atlanta, on the other hand, has won 14 straight division titles with pitching and homegrown talent. This year is no different. Picking the Mets this year to finally overcome the Atlanta is insane.
ATLANTA BRAVES
The Braves are going for their 15th straight division title. The core of the team remains intact from last year and their young crop of players (Jeff Francouer, Adam Laroach, Wilson Betemit) have one more year of experience under their belts. Speaking of which, whats the deal with ball players wearing belts? Sorry, wrong place for that. Ill leave that observational shit to Jerry Seinfeld.
Getting back on track Atlanta has a strong rotation with John Smoltz, Tim Hudson, Jorge Sosa and John Thompson. But, they go through closers like Pam Anderson goes through HepC Meds. Chris Reitsma has the best chance of securing the closer's role. The key will be to see how they fare without pitching coach Leo Mazzone, who made the lateral move to Baltimore.
The lineup is led by Andruw Jones, fresh off a career-high 51 home runs. Why anyone serves him a strike is a mystery. The fucking guy would swing at a pitch a foot over his head on 3-0 in the ninth inning of a tie game with the bases loaded. They have speed in Betemit and Marcus Giles and if Chipper Jones can stay healthy this year they will score even more runs than last year.
Expect Edgar Rentaria to bounce back year after a God-awful year in Boston. The guy had a bad back last year that led to over 30 inexcusable errors. I believe that all of his errors were not by accident, but rather committed on purpose. Fuck it, hes better suited for the National League and will thrive in Atlanta where he can concentrate on baseball while avoiding Atlantas apathetic baseball media spotlight, unlike the fanatical media heat-lamp he got cooked under in Boston. Whichever league hes in, he still looks like a gentle and confused little extra terrestrial.
Bottom Line: Look for the Braves to win the division but lose in the first round of the playoffs.
Predicted Record: 95-67
NEW YORK METS
Carlos Delgado, Billy Wagner, Xavier Nady, Paul Loduca, Jorge Julio, Chad Bradford, and Social Security benefits-eligible Julio Franco (hes old). That lots of off season activity. The Mets are tired of playing second banana in New York and are willing to spend money to win. New York Citys big business commerce is a capitalist rat race, and their baseball organizations are no different.
On pure talent this team should probably win the division, but its tough to predict how a team will gel together with so many new faces, personalities and egos.
Also, their pitching may prove problematic. Pedro Martinez still has electric stuff but expect him to land on the extended DL at least once with either his bad toe or his perennial home-sickness. Veterans Tom Glavine, Steve Trachsel, Victor Zambrano and 27-year old Aaron Heilman will get the bulk of the starts this year.
A few things need to happen for this team to win the Wild Card. Pedro needs to stay healthy and focused. Aaron Heilman needs to have the breakout year many are predicting. Their bullpen needs to have their potential realized. New closer Billy Wagner is the proven closer that this team so desperately needed. Setup man Jorge Julio throws gas and Chad Bradford is tough on righties. If the Mets get early leads, theyll win lots of games.
The offense has speed at the top with Jose Reyes, power in the middle with Carlos Beltran, David Wright and Carlos Delgado, and will surely score more runs than they did last year. Look for Beltran to bounce back from a subpar year something in the 30 home run, 100 RBI range. Also, David Wright is a superstar and will emerge as the best third baseman in the National League. He will win the MVP, or at the very least be a serious contender.
The mere fact that Anna Benson wont be shit-stirring equals five more wins this year for the Mets. Fredo (aka Kris Benson, due to his inability to curb his wifes malapertness) is off to Baltimore to wallow in another year of overpaid mediocre quagmire. It had to be a distraction when ex-stripper Anna threatened to fuck the whole team if she caught Fredo cheating. If Im his teammate - fuck practice we goin the strippy, and Im bringing a digital camera.
Bottom Line: With the money that they spent in the off season it would be a big disappointment if they dont win the Wild Card. There are just too many ifs with this team. Get ready for another (sigh) Summer of discontent, Mets fans!
Predicted Record: 91-71
PHILADELPHIA PHILLIES
Philly is going to need the rotation to step up this year in a big way if they want to make the playoffs. They just missed out last year wining 88 games. With the loss of Billy Wagner at closer, expect that win total to go down.
The rotation is filled with bloated ERA's over 4.00. They have no ace and will need the likes of Randy Wolf, Jon Lieber and Cory Lidle to step up this year. Yikes! Ryan Madsen will get every chance to help out this rotation, and has the stuff to be a top-of-the-line starter. Hes 25 years old and stands at 6'6". Tom Gordon was a dominant closer in Boston a million years ago, and that violent curveball he throws is a cause for concern; his elbow will not hold up for a full season.
The offense is led by the most underrated player in the league, Jimmy Rollins. Hes emerging into a bonafide superstar, and a great sneaky pick-up for your fantasy draft, nerds. Expect him to score over 100 runs, .330 average and 40 SB's.
Ryan Howard had a fantastic rookie season and should hit 35-40 home runs this year. Chase Utley will be an All-Star who provides great pop from second base. New center fielder Aaron Rowand provides solid defense in the outfield, but hes unreliable at the plate. Citizen's Park in Philly will be taking out the first couple of rows behind left field and raising the wall to help out the pitchers this year, but it wont be enough.
Bottom line: This team has the hitting, but doesnt have enough pitching to compete with Atlanta and New York.
Predicted Record: 85-77
WASHINGTON NATIONALS
what do you do when your top off-season acquisition says he won't play the outfield? Threaten to deactivate him and send his pampered ass out there head down, tail lagging between his legs. Alfonso Soriano is an offensive weapon of mass destruction, but he handles balls with as much disdain as Ellen Degeneres. They already have an All-Star at second base in Jose Vidro, (or Jenna Jameson in sticking with the analogy, in that she is very good with balls) so it was the only move to put Soriano in left. His numbers will drop in Washington at the pitcher-friendly ball park, and because hell probably be miserable if the beginning of his tenure reflects whats to come. The offense just wont score enough runs to keep this team in the playoff hunt.
Jose Guillen and Soriano are good hitters, but they can be pitched to. The one sleeper in the lineup is the 2006 Rookie of the Year, Ryan Zimmerman. The former top-five overall pick is a power hitting third baseman that can hit for average as well. Just look at his brief stint in the majors last year, where he hit .397 in 20 games. Hell be an All-Star in 2-3 years if not sooner, provided ballots are filled out by knowledgeable fans, not idiots wondering why come Mike Schmidt aint on the ballot.
John Patterson, Livian Hernandez and Brian Lawerence will anchor this pitching staff, with the very impressive Chad Cordero closing out games.
Bottom Line: This team will be a pain in the ass until August when they drop out of the race. No chance at the Nationals making the playoffs this year.
Predicted Record: 77-85
FLORIDA MARLINS
For sale: Josh Beckett, Carlos Delgado, Juan Pierre, ah fuck it... everyone is for sale. This team had a fire sale this off season and there is a good chance theyll lose 100 games. They acquired some top-level prospects, but don't expect them to compete for 2-3 years. Dontrelle Willis won 22 games last year. The only way that happens again is if he gets traded in July. If he pitches as well as he did last year I see him winning 18 games.
The offense has a bunch of young guns with an ass-load of potential. Rookie outfielder Jeremy Hermedia is a popular pick for Rookie of the Year and I expect him to finish second behind Zimmerman of Washington. Mike Phillips showed power in limited time last year with the Mets and Miguel Cabrera will be lucky to see anything all year. He is a phenom, and the only proven major league hitter in the lineup that can beat you with one swing.
This young team, coupled with first time manager Joe Girardi may win some games on fresh legs and blind optimism out of the gate, but reality will set in quick and it will be a long, sticky summer on Dan Marino Blvd.
Bottom Line: Florida fans will not be showing up for many games this year as the team rebuilds. Oh wait, they never show up for games anyway.
Predicted Record: 63-99
*Special Thanks to Mal Higgins who contributed a great deal to this piece. But Mets fans can ostracize me Mal had them winning the Wild Card.
National League Central By Alex Fritz
[Full disclosure: I'm a Cardinals fan. Actually, Im kind of a huge Cardinals fan. Most of my money goes towards the St. Louis franchise, because, well...I am an idiot. Chances are you already knew that, but in case you didn't now you do. I was as impartial as I could possibly be while writing this preview. Hopefully, my works reflects my efforts, but in case it doesnt, go suck an egg.]
St Louis Cardinals 2005 Record: 100-62, first place in the division. Defeated the San Diego Padres in the NLDS. Lost to the Houston Astros in the NLCS. Projected 2006 Record: 96-66
The Cardinals lost outfielders Reggie Sanders and Larry Walker and second baseman Mark Grudzielanek over the off-season, but they were a combined age of 267 and used up the entire organizations supply of cortisone shots last year. Really, it's not that big of a loss. Neither was that of long time fan favorite and Phish-head Matt Morris, since he has the right arm of a 63-year old arthritic. However, their replacements, Juan Encarnacion, Larry Effing Bigbie, Junior Spivey and Sidney Ponson, are not exactly up to par.
Luckily for the Redbirds, those are really the only three weaknesses on a team that has won 205 games over the last two years. The club returns the best player in baseball never to take cattle steroids Albert Pujols, All-Star shortstop David Eckstein, perennial Gold Glove winner Jim Edmonds, the best young catcher in baseball Yadier Molina, and Scott Rolen (who, after missing almost all of last year, is basically like a new addition for the team.)
On the mound, the Cards will go with a rotation headlined by Cy Young Award winner Chris Carpenter, and lowlined by a fresh-out-of-rehab Sidney Ponson. In the middle are Mark Mulder, Jason Marquis, and Jeff "The Most Boring Pitcher Ever" Suppan. Chances are either Marquis, Ponson, or youngsters Adam Wainwright or Anthony Reyes will be traded sometime during the season for an impact bat.
Jason Isringhausen leads a revamped bullpen, also featuring Braden Looper, Ricardo Rincon, and Brad Thompson (who is the best twelve year old pitcher since Henry Rowengartner in "Rookie of the Year.") Expect Izzy to nearly blow every lead, always letting the tying run on base, yet still earn 40 saves and give me approximately 17 heart attacks over the course of the season.
The Cardinals are set up to have another team that wins between 95-100 games, then comes up lame in the playoffs and pulls an epic choke job, ultimately falling short of the championship. Just like every goddamn fucking year. Great.
Milwaukee Brewers 2005 Record: 81-81, third place in the division. Projected 2006 Record: 87-75
It seems as if just about everyone is high on this Brewers squad. And with good reason. After doing what is seemingly impossible in Milwaukee last year (not having a losing record) the Brewers boast a club full of young, talented, and in-expensive players.
The rotation is headed up by Chris Capuano, Ben Sheets, and Doug Davis, pitchers who all kept their ERA's under 4.00 last year, and in today's game of super-balls, HGH, and bandbox stadiums, that qualifies as good, if not great. Floppy-haired Derrick Turnbow, who perpetually looks both confused and agitated at the same time, was solid last year in his first season as a closer, compiling 39 saves and holding righties to only a .167 average. He throws hard, but he also throws incredibly straight, which often is a recipe for disaster (see Farnsworth, Kyle a.k.a The Basket, for more information.)
The always-outstanding Carlos Lee shares outfield duties with Brady Clark, Geoff Jenkins, and Corey Hart, who, after not having a hit single in twenty-three years apparently has decided to peruse a career as a Major League baseball player. Good for him.
Heralded newcomer Prince Fielder will man first base after spending last year seeing limited playing time with Milwaukee, mostly as a pinch hitter and DH during interleague play. He's 6' and 260 lbs and is cut from the same model as his dad (Cecil Fielder), meaning that he's going to hit some mammoth blasts, but he is also going to strikeout a lot (in 59 at-bats last season he had a strikeout-to-walk ratio of 17-2), never steal a base, and eat small household pets for snacks. Whether or not he'll end up sucking here, then playing in Japan, then coming back to the states only to slug 50 homers and cause me to buy 22 copies of his 1986 Topps rookie card like his old man did remains to be seen.
Milwaukee has compiled a team that has few holes and, more importantly, has done it cheap. If the players stay healthy, they should become a case study for small market teams everywhere: Invest in scouting and player development; Do not make stupid free agent purchases (are you paying attention Kansas City? 5 Million for a 38 year old Reggie Sanders? Good grief.); and get lucky.
Last year's motto of "The Milwaukee Brewers: Better than the Cubs" should probably be replaced by "We're Actually Good Now. Seriously. Like, Better Than The Packers. It's Like 1982, But With Better Hair Cuts."
Houston Astros 2005 Record: 89-73, second place in the division. Winner of the Wild Card, they defeated the Atlanta Braves in the NLDS and the St. Louis Cardinals in the NLCS before losing to the Chicago White Sox in the World Series. Projected 2006 Record: 86-76
The Houston Astros are full of question marks. And that's an understatement if there ever was one. Where to start?
Will Roger Clemens come back? If the Astros are still in contention, probably sometime in July, but who really knows for sure?
Will Jeff Bagwell be back? Even if he is, how close to the Bagwell of old will he really be?
Will Craig Biggio, at the age of forty, be able to stay healthy throughout the entire season?
Can Brad Lidge, despite having a slider which was once thought to be touched by the hand of God herself, be able to mentally bounce back after his disastrous post-season?
Can Ezequiel Asatcio possibly get any more ugly?
So many questions, so few answers. But even with all of those questions marks remaining, some things are for certain.
Roy Oswalt will continue to be one of the best starters in the National League, and will continue to amaze people with his ability to throw in the upper-90's, even though he's 6' (on a good day) and a-buck-eighty-five soaking wet.
Andy Pettitte is still Andy Pettitte. The man had one of the quietest 2.39 ERAs ever last year. Needless to say, he's good.
Morgan Ensberg will more often be mistaken for a nerdy accountant than he will be recognized as one of the premiere third baseman in all of baseball.
The outfield trio of Lance Berkman, Speedy Willie Taveras, and newcomer Preston Wilson will produce solid numbers.
And, for reasons only god knows, there will still be a fucking hill and a flagpole in center field.
The Astros will be good, there's no debating that. But will they be able to replicate a season which took them from being left for dead at 15-30 all the way to the franchises first ever World Series appearance? No. No they will not.
Chicago Cubs 2005 Record: 79-83, fourth place in the division Projected 2006 Record: 77-85
In the middle of February, I was all set to pen the Cubs into a second place finish and perhaps a Wild Card. Somewhere around 88 and 95 wins.
As usual, it was their arms that I thought would pull them through. Carlos Zambrano will continue to be an absolute horse of a pitcher with a muy caliente temper, probably going for 18 wins and pissing off approximately 70,000 Cardinals fans when he plunks Jim Edmonds (it seems to happen every year.) Greg Maddux, fresh off his strenuous off-season work out regimen of playing cards by day and getting black out drunk off of scotch by night, will eat up 180+ innings and finish with a .500 record. Even though they're injury prone, Mark Prior and Kerry Wood are still only 30 months removed from a season where they combined to go 32-17, with 511 K's, and a 2.81 ERA. They've got too much raw talent to be counted out completely.
The infield definitely looks solid. Michael Barrett is as durable of catcher as they come, always has been, always will be. Todd Walker is more than a serviceable second baseman. All-Star third baseman Aramis Ramirez, when healthy, is the top offensive third baseman in the National League. First baseman Derrek Lee had a career year last year, and will probably regress back towards his career norms, but even those are more than adequate.
In the outfield, some think the Cubs may have overspent for right fielder Jacque Jones (3yr/$16Mil) but guys with mediocre defensive ability, marginal speed and a lifetime .327 OBP don't grow on trees. Chicago also added speedy center fielder Juan Pierre, filling a hole in their leadoff spot for the relatively low cost of $5.75Mil. The Cubs failed in completing their off-season goal of having all three outfield spots manned by African Americans with French names though, and some dude named Matt Murton (who really isnt that bad) is supposed to be starting in left.
Overall, that's not a bad team on paper in February. Then the news came in. Kerry Wood needed surgery. Derrek Lee needed to get his shoulder checked out. Prior and Wood will both start the season on the DL. Juan Pierre doesn't know how to draw a walk. Manager Dusty Baker is wearing out all of the pitchers arms again. The closer is Ryan Dempster. Greg Maddux, in a drunken stupor, lost a finger when he got into a fight with a homeless man while trying to steal his dirty tube-socks.
That's when I remembered, even though they look good on paper, they're still the Chicago Cubs. This team could go 162-0; they could go 0-162. I figure they'll end up somewhere around the middle at 76-86.
Another summer in the North Side of Chicago. The Old Style will flow, the chicks in pink hats will have nice racks, and Ronnie Whoo Whoo's antics will continue to make many a frat-boy happy. But mediocrity will reign supreme in Wrigleyville. Same as it always was.
Cincinnati Reds 2005 Record: 73-89, fifth place in the division Projected 2006 Record: 76-86
The Reds as an organization have made some strong moves since the end of the 2005 season. First and foremost, they let go of General Manager Dan O'Brien, who was not solely responsible for driving one of the most historic and accomplished franchises in the game straight into sucktitude, but he was the man behind the wheel.
On his way out the door, however, O'Brien made some of the best moves of his career in trading Sean Casey and his $8 million contract to division rivals Pittsburgh for cheap southpaw Dave Williams, re-signing outfielder Austin Kearns on the cheap, and avoiding arbitration to resign young innings-eater Aaron Harang for just $2.35 mil.
With an outfield consisting of Kearns and Ken Griffey Jr., and an infield featuring Jason LaRue, Felipe Lopez, and Adam Dunn, this team is going to score a lot of runs.
However, with a pitching staff featuring the likes of the aforementioned Harang and Williams, along with Brandon Claussen, Paul Wilson (and his 2005 ERA of 7.77), and Eric Milton (who, never one to be beaten by Paul Wilson dominated his way to a 6.47 ERA in 2005) they are also going to give up a lot of runs. Recently acquired crooner Brandon Arroyo will no doubt be a welcome addition to the starting rotation, and will probably push either the aforementioned Milton or Wilson into the 'pen or elsewhere. Speaking of their bullpen...oh, screw it. They all stink (Kent Mercker? Really? He's no Danny Graves, but still)
Between what could be a juggernaut offense and a craptacular pitching staff, I'm going to call this one a wash and say they'll go a few games under a .500 record, 76-86. But, behind their new ownership, the Red Legs are definitely making steps in the right direction.
[Also, does anyone else find it odd that former Texas Longhorn reserve QB Adam Dunn (he backed up Major Applewhite) isn't the best former 2nd string collegiate QB - turned MLB first baseman? That honor belongs to Peyton Manning's old backup, Todd Helton. Somewhere, Drew Henson is crying.]
Pittsburgh Pirates 2005 Record: 67-95, sixth place in the division Projected 2006 Record: 62-100
Good lord. Where to start? Well, the Pirates did do a good job in locking up left fielder Jason Bay in a deal which will keep him with the Bucs through 2009. Or until he gets traded to the Yankees for cash and pitching prospects on July 25, 2007. Whichever comes first. He agreed to the four-year, $18.25 million contract after slugging 32 homers, hitting .306, and perhaps most importantly playing in all 162 games. Although, he did put up a goose egg in last year's Home Run Derby contest, giving his homeland of Canada a black eye that they may never recover from.
The Pirates also did their best to shore up their corner infield by acquiring former Cincinnati Reds first baseman Sean Casey. Casey will probably hit 12 homers keep his average right above the .300 mark, and only go on the DL once (okay, probably twice. Well, maybe three times. Four tops.) Decent, but probably not worth nearly the $8Mil per-season he will be earning. Especially on a team whose payroll is only $38Mil.
Other off-season moves included locking up "kind-of-good" shortstop Jack Wilson for three more years, and adding right fielder Jeremy Burnitz. Burnitz would be a good addition to my softball team. To a Major League Baseball team? Not so much.
As for their pitching, their "ace" (and I have never used that term more loosely) Oliver Perez had a winning record last season (7-5), which I guess, is a good sign. It's just too bad his ERA was 5.85, which definitely is not good. He'll need to work on that. Last year, then-rookie Zach Duke burst on the scene and finished with an 8-2 record and a 1.81 ERA. Whether or not Perez and Duke can both stay healthy for 162 games should be the difference between a 45 win season and a 65 win season in Pittsburgh.
In the bullpen, veterans Ryan Vogelson, Roberto Hernandez, and Salomon Torres shore up an ever-revolving cast of youngsters. They, as a group, will probably suck. I'm pretty sure I still have Salomon Torres' '94 Topps Stadium Club rookie card, so hopefully he does well. But, I'm not banking on it. Sorry, but that's the way it goes.
On the bright side, the Steelers are still the Super Bowl champs, and the stadium looks really cool on TV.
National League West By Jesse Lamovsky
As an unabashed American League Central chauvinist whose baseball world goes as far east as Cleveland and as far west as Kansas City, and no further, you might safely accuse me of being unqualified to write a preview of the National League West.
You might safely be wrong. I was able to get a pretty good look at the NL West during the 05 season, when they had the interleague series with the Central. Hours were spent poring over the talent. Gradually, through the arduous process of watching baseball on the telly with some cold ones in easy reach, I honed my experts opinion on the division.
My experts opinion was that the NL West blew. Im pretty sure it still does. So Im making that the theme- The NL West Blows.
San Diego Padres 2005: 82-80, NL West Champions, swept by St. Louis in NLDS Projected for 2006: 90-72, 1st Place
San Diego won the division in 2005 and probably had the best off-season of any team in the division- not only did they re-up their existing stars at reasonable rates, they didnt throw good money at players who werent worth it. The Padres were able to resign OBP-machine Brian Giles and longtime closer Trevor Hoffman to hometown discount contracts, because anyone who wouldnt want to play baseball for a living in San Diego, California is a goddamned moron.
With Hoffman and Giles back in the fold, with some proven talent like Khalil Green, Ryan Klesko, and Mike Cameron, and with enough pitching to get it done in hurler-friendly Petco, San Diego is adequate for division-winning purposes. Im not sold on the strategy of stocking the roster with 2004 Red Sox role players- Dave Roberts, Doug Mirabelli, Mark Bellhorn, Alan Embree- but no team is going to need talent for the ages to win the NL West. Bottom line: the Padres would be road kill in the American League, they wouldnt sniff the title in either of the other two Senior Circuit divisions, but theyre good enough to spray champagne all over the locker room after clinching their second straight NL West Championship. San Diegos 90 projected wins are tissue-thin, piled up against dubious competition, and some superior team with possibly fewer wins will maul them in the Division Series.
Los Angeles Dodgers 2005: 71-91, 4th Place Projected for 2006: 78-84, 2nd Place
Had I written this Preview three weeks ago like I should have, I would have picked the Dodgers to win the division by default, simply because they put 400 miles between Jeff Kent and Milton Bradley. But that was before Eric Gagne went back on the shelf for God knows how long. Gagne is to the Dodgers as the Bandit was to Cletis Snow- without the voluptuous French-Canadian nailing down games; Los Angeles is anything but a championship contender.
One thing history tells us about the Dodgers is this: in the spacious confines of Chavez Ravine, some good pitchers can take an otherwise-ordinary team a long way. But nobody in L.A.s starting staff of Derek Lowe, Odalis Perez, Brad Penny or Brett Tomko exactly screams, Hershiser.
Nomar Garciaparra's flight from New England has reached the Pacific, like Ben Mears at the beginning of Salems Lot. He's currently taking the first of many trips to the 15-day DL. Surly-ass Jeff Kent and his cop-stache are still at second, where he will continue to lead by example, IOW be a surly, unsociable asshole who rakes. Newly acquired Rafael Furcal would have to be Ozzie Smith and Garry Templeton combined to justify a contract so obscene I wont even print it. Old-but-solid Bill Mueller plays third. Patrolling the outfield will be Jose Cruz Jr., who has never fulfilled the potential he flashed in Toronto, J.D. Drew, and young Jason Repko.
Overall, the store-bought lineup isnt bad- good enough, with Gagne backing up the average rotation, to challenge in this division. Thats damning them with faint praise anyway, and without their closer, theyre no longer even worthy of that.
Arizona Diamondbacks 2005: 77-85, 2nd Place Projected for 2006: 76-86, 3rd Place
If Arizonas present rate of improvement continues, the D-Backs will win 103 games this year. Which they won't. Third baseman Chad Tracy (27 homers and a .912 OPS, and he makes less than 400K per annum) is a budding star, but its tough to see free-agent acquisitions Orlando Hudson and Johnny Estrada- who may never match his 2004 season in Atlanta- providing enough support to be worthy of their own paychecks, let alone carrying the Diamondbacks to any great heights. Brandon Webb may yet be a stud, and hed better be- the rest of the rotation is about as questionable as the official TWA 800 theory. Tracy will provide some highlights; Shawn Green might put a decent amount of baseballs into the swimming pool (they still have that, right?), but the Diamondbacks are going to be a memory come October. And fuck Craig Counsell.
San Francisco Giants (74-88) 2005: 75-87, 3rd Place Projected for 2006: 74-88, 4th Place
Moises Alou. Steve Finley. Ray Durham. Omar Vizquel. Mark Sweeney. Jose Vizcaino. Mike Matheny. Tim Worrell. Jeff Fassero. Armando Benitez. Barry Bonds.
This aggregation might have been hella good in 1996. Theyre just hella old in 2006. The oldest team in Major League Baseball with an average age of 32.3, and with the oldest manager in Major League Baseball in Felipe Alou, the Giants should be best left to their wizened senescence in the middle-to-bottom of baseballs worst division. That benign neglect includes the non-story of Barry Bonds chasing a home run record hell never get, and that he doesnt deserve.
BTW, San Francisco was the oldest team in baseball last season, and went out and signed Steve Finley. If I were a Giants fan Id be looking for doors to slam, walls to kick, and glass to break, while my team tried to gum its way to October.
Colorado Rockies (67-95) 2005: 67-95, 5th Place Projected for 2006: 67-95, 5th Place
They wont pitch in that place which chews up and spits out all pitchers; if you cant pitch, you cant win; therefore, Colorado will not win. Get it? Got it? Good. Its a bitch; fans in South Florida couldnt care less about big-league ball- and if they do, generally they save their passions for the Mets or the Yankees- yet the Marlins have won two World Championships. Meanwhile, Denver has shown itself to be a good baseball town yet the Rockies, thanks to the happenstance of geography, will probably never win big. Only in baseball can there be this much poetic injustice.
You guys are fucktards Posted: 4/12/2006by: Beef you picked the padres, a team that got WORSE than they were when they won a division title against minor league teams, a team that is worse than they were last year, the only team in the entire nl west to downgrade over the offseason, to win more than 82 games AND win the division?
dumbasses Wow Posted: 4/12/2006by: Atlas I can understand wanting to go to the world series. I was given free tickets so I was there, but it was weird because I hated both teams. If he really wore a White Sox hat I am going to spill a beer on him next time I see him at Stanleys. Atlas Posted: 4/12/2006by: dude The Cusacks are sellouts, my friend. John Cusack was seen at Game 1 of the Series wearing a ChiSoxs hat and, according to reports, had done some pretty big ass kissing to Reinsdork to get the tixs.
I imagine Johnny probably whored out his big sis to do that. How's it feel to be a traitor and a pimp, you pasty faced bastard? Decent Preview Posted: 4/12/2006by: dude "the hand of God herself"
Nice touch. JEsse: there are plenty of things to break Posted: 4/12/2006by: Max It will probably be a frustrating year to be a Giants fan. And kudos on two correct and appropriate uses of "hella."
I was a little disappointed to see no acknowledgement of Randy Winn, nor mention of the team's very young strong players (Niekro, Cain and Lowry, who is injured). And I had to point out that the standings in the NL West are nearly an inverse of your predicted finish. Yeah, I know, seven games in, yeah...
Glad to see you still writing, haven't hung it up yet. Joe Kickass: you were almost right Posted: 4/12/2006by: Max They are going to have two drunken TPP reader/commenters at their home games. I'm going tonight if it doesn't get postponed. timmah Posted: 4/12/2006by: deuce touche' - maddux looks like a painter. (notorious alcholics) was the "grace" wink a reference to your former 1st baseman? the aryan prototype mark - jesus christ marge schott would have killed to have him dressed in red..
good luck today (you probably wont need it)
ps i'd like to echo your comment about how well these writeups have been.. nice work guys. Done deal Timmah Posted: 4/12/2006by: Atlas I think you came up with a brilliant idea. Add John Cussack and Billy Corigan to that list too, they have dough and hang around Wrigley all the time.
I still can't beleive that Joan Cussack is doing US Cellular commercials, she grew up on the north side for God sakes. By the way... Posted: 4/12/2006by: TIMMAH These previews really have been a lot of fun to read. Thanks for doing these up so well.
Atlas and I may put you in "SCORECARD" after we buy the Cubbies. OH YES... Posted: 4/12/2006by: TIMMAH deuce.... right back at you... the game's 3-0 right now, with alcoholic racoon fighter Greg Maddux handling the Reds with grace. (wink)
Atlas, I like the idea. Here's another one. I say we write letters to WIlliam Peterson, Bill Murray, Joe Mantegna, Southern Alums Dennis Franz and Jim Belushi, and former CPD cop Dennis Farina including a 10-page report entitled "Tribune Company: Heartless pigfuckers" as a pitch to get them to back us. We'll split the bid.
By the way, with Juan Pierre and the aforementioned Maddux, we have the best duo of "guys who look like the 9 year-old on your little league team wearing their brother's uniform" in the league.
Einstein defined insanity as doing the same thing over and over and expecting different results. With that in mind, how can anyone not pick Atlanta to win the division? The sexy pick for the NL East is the Mets, to be sure; they have the second highest payroll in all of baseball behind the Yankees and aggressively added talent to their pitching staff and batting order, something theyve been attempting to execute for a few years with disappointing results. Atlanta, on the other hand, has won 14 straight division titles with pitching and homegrown talent. This year is no different. Picking the Mets this year to finally overcome the Atlanta is insane. 
[Full disclosure: I'm a Cardinals fan. Actually, Im kind of a huge Cardinals fan. Most of my money goes towards the St. Louis franchise, because, well...I am an idiot. Chances are you already knew that, but in case you didn't now you do. I was as impartial as I could possibly be while writing this preview. Hopefully, my works reflects my efforts, but in case it doesnt, go suck an egg.] 
As an unabashed American League Central chauvinist whose baseball world goes as far east as Cleveland and as far west as Kansas City, and no further, you might safely accuse me of being unqualified to write a preview of the National League West.
