Phat Phree Staffers Chad Zumock and Jesse Lamovsky collaborated on this article.
Chad- I think I am awesome!
I know a lot of people go to the self-deprecating card for comedy, but I think Im great! I love me, and thats just all there is to it.
The fact is, I am incredibly self-involved and I am constantly looking at ways to enhance my awesomeness (if that is even a word.)
I figured the best way I could radiate my Awesomeness is to find someone who was just as cool as I am. That brought me to the conclusion that I needed a partner!
With that being said, I had to settle for Jesse Lamovsky, my friend since the 4th grade, and the only one who will put up with my ridiculous ego by knocking me down 25 notches when I get too big for my britches.
Jesse- I don't think I'm awesome in the slightest, and oh by the way, Chad doesn't need a partner- he needs a fucking babysitter. Jesus, this dude calls me the other night from L.A. and hes all excited because hes in a comedy club sitting ten feet away from Drew Carey. Wants to go over and introduce himself to the man, and, in Chads words, impress him. Thing is, hes already introduced himself to Drew Carey about a half-dozen times, and the guy has blown him off every single time. I had to distract him from making a goddamned fool out of himself (again) by giving him a shot-by-shot recount of the double-OT game the Cavaliers had played that night. That, and I ridiculed him for acting like a retard every time a minor celebrity comes into his line of vision. But hey, thats what friends are for, right?
So in the spirit of our twenty years and counting of collaboration, weve decided to do a little homework and put together a list of some of the greatest duos of all time, in a variety of categories.
The Greatest Sporting Duos
It's a team game, but in sports, the duo can be a crucial element to success. Here are the greatest at the two-man game, in the world of sports.
Cliff Harris & Charlie Waters
Jesse- This peas-in-a-pod pair of white-boy safeties for the Cowboys powerhouses of the 70s had no problem with taking on players much bigger, stronger, and faster than they and knocking the shit out of them. And in their look, they strangely resembled a future TV duo: Simon & Simon.
Chad- Cliff Harris looked like my abusive step-dad.
Jordan & Pippen
Jesse- As an unregenerate Cavaliers fan, I hated the Bulls of the 90s. But propers are due for these two, who did nothing but win championships, one after another after another after another after another
Chad- They were tagged Batman & Robin and together they just murdered the entire league for more than a decade. They probably could have won more championships if it wasnt for MJ retiring and coming back 84 times.
Alan Trammell & Lou Whitaker
Jesse- These two started manning Detroits middle infield late in the 1977 season. They turned double plays for the Motor City Kitties, without interruption, through 1994. Their longevity in playing together is unmatched, and whats more, they were both good.
Chad- I had an Alan Trammell rookie card I traded to my buddy Ben Wolf for a Damon Berryhill rookie card. What a stupid trade that was. Damon Berryhill didnt amount to shit!
Dan Patrick & Keith Olbermann
Jesse- The absolute high-water mark for SportsCenter came in the mid-90s, when the droll Patrick and the snarky Olbermann manned the Sunday Night "Big Show" together. Week in, week out, Patrick and Olbermann hit NOTHING but the bottom of the net.
Chad- Olberman & Patrick still do the Dan Patrick radio show together from time to time and its some of the best sports radio on the AM dial. Former Dayton Flyer Dan Patrick is the best in the business.
Walt Frazier & Earl Monroe
Jesse- A lot of fans wondered what the Knicks were thinking when they traded for Monroe during the 1971-72 season. Sure, the Pearl was a great player, but New York already had Clyde Frazier, who played the exact same position. So New York coach Red Holtzman put the two in the same backcourt, and all they did was lead the Knicks to their last NBA Championship, and become Gotham basketball legends in the process.
Chad- The King Ad Rock references Earl Monroe in a song: Im like Earl The Pearl Monroe when Im the go, and then Im gone! So hes cool in my book. Walt Frazier had/has some of the best facial hair I have ever seen. I think if you paired up anyone next with Walt Fraziers facial hair, it would be considered a great duo.
Greatest Sporting Duo- Jordan & Pippen
The Greatest Musical Duos
Sometimes, all it takes it two, to make beautiful (or horrible) music.
Hall & Oates
Jesse- Fuck yeah, The Hit Machine. If you werent around in the early 80s, you have no idea how big these two were. And John Oatess Jew-fro was second to none (I have no idea whether or not Oates was Jewish, but his hair definitely was).
Chad- These guys just pissed hit songs. One after another, they could not lose! I always pictured Darryl Hall saying this during those days, Hey John, I think Im going to write a song called Maneater. What do you think? John would say, Why not? You could write a song called Private Eyes, for all I care. Either way its going to be a hit! Then they would both go count their gold albums together afterwards.
Interesting sidenote: Saturday Night Lives G.E.Smith and that funky looking bass player (The guy who looks like the creepy neighbor from The Burbs) were both in Hall & Oates band during that run of hits.
The Captain & Tennille
Jesse- One of the great kitsch acts of that kitsch decade, the 1970s, the Captain & Tennille are pretty fucking cool, despite the fact that I might stick my cock in the Captain (or at least his hat) before I stuck it in Toni Tennille.
Chad- What a stupid name for a duo. The Captains name was actually Daryl Dragon. He was married to Toni Tennille. They should have called themselves, The Dragons.
Simon & Garfunkel
Chad- They almost were the mold to Hall & Oates in the Big guy-Little guy department. The Sounds of Silence still gives me chills everytime I hear it.
Jesse- Paul Simon had a great voice but horrible hair. Art Garfunkel had great hair but a horrible voice. Somehow they made it work.
England Dan & John Ford Coley
Chad- These guys met in high school. One day in Study Hall, they were like, Hey, do you want to start a band and own 70s pussy-rock together? What a great musical duo.
Jesse- Light of the world, shine on me Love is the answer sorry. Im a sucker for 70s pap, and if you yourself dig 70s pap, you need look no further than these guys. And Bread.
Wham
Jesse- Were not gay, but if we were, wed want to emulate George Michael and Andrew Ridgley, right down to the piggie-back rides.
Chad- I would like to take this opportunity to plug my article The Lost Diaries of Andrew Ridgley . I still feel it deserved a higher rating.
Jesse- Give it a rest, Chad.
Greatest Musical Duo- Hall & Oates
The Greatest Blonde Hair-Dark Hair Duos
Pairing a blonde with a brunette may be the oldest tradition in on-screen duos.
Starsky & Hutch
Jesse- David Soul is the man. His icy turn as the lead vigilante cop in Magnum Force trumps the fact that his Dont Give Up On Us might be the worst single ever to hit #1 (in 1977). And Paul Michael Glazer is no slouch either- not only did he direct The Running Man, he also somehow managed to survive the death of his entire family from AIDS without so much as a lesion. Thats impressive.
Chad- When I was little I used to call them Stick & Starch for some reason. No point to the story, but that little flashback for me made me smile while writing this.
And Jesses right! It is very impressive that Paul Michael Glazer managed to survive the death of his entire family from AIDS without so much as a lesion. I personally feel its way more impressive than David Souls #1 hit Dont Give Up On Us (but thats just me)
Ponch & John
Chad- John might be one of the biggest stiffs in the history of partners.
Jesse- I agree. John was a stiff. Ponch was okay, though. Anyway, the best part about CHiPs was the opening credits, when the two were shown riding side-by-side down a California freeway, accompanied by the beat of the show's discoesque theme song. John was Aryan, Ponch was Latino, but both wore the same retarded, shit-eating grins, which used to crack me up.
Cagney & Lacey
Chad- They were both chicks
Jesse- Seriously? They were both manlier than I am, and Ive got back hair and everything.
Rupertino & Slovack
Chad- Ahhh, yes! One of the greatest partnerships in the history of partnerships.
Jesse- Its an inside joke. Never mind. Christ.
Bo & Luke Duke
Jesse- Yeeeeeeeee-haaaaaw! What else needs to be said?
The tag team has a long and storied history in the world of professional wrestling, and here, according to this pair of Ohio hillbillies who watched a lot more than their share of "Monday Nitro" and "Saturday Night's Main Event", are the greatest tag teams of all time.
Hawk & Animal
Jesse- AKA the Road Warriors, as well as the Legion of Doom, Hawk & Animal are the only tag team to hold the belt in the AWA, NWA, and WWF. Hawk died in 2003. Animals son James Laurinaitis is a linebacker for Ohio State. Thats about the extent of my knowledge here.
Chad- Great knowledge of Hawk & Animal Jesse. They were my favorite tag team growing up. Their football shoulder pads with metal spikes made them bad-asses!
The Hollywood Blondes
Jesse- Miami of Ohio alumnus, the late Flyin Brian Pillman, and Stunning Steve Austin (this was before his Stone Cold days) made up this pretty pair of rastlers. The Hollywood Blondes ring-entrance music ruled.
Chad- How many fucking wrestlers have died in the last 10 years? A note to kids reading this- Hey kids, dont become a professional wrestler, because youll die before you are 35.
This public service announcement was brought to you by Chad Zumock.
Ric Flair & Arn Anderson
Jesse- The leaders of the Four Horsemen, Flair and Anderson were a formidable duo in their own right. Want to take a ride on Space Mountain? Whew!!!
Chad- The Four Horseman pretty much ran Ted Turners NWA/WCW all through the 80s and 90s. The best part about the Horseman was when they were interviewed. They were the biggest shit talkers I had ever seen. I was actually spotted holding up the infamous four fingers at a WCW televised event.
The British Bulldogs
Jesse- AKA Davey Boy Smith & the Dynamite Kid. Both were high fliers who specialized in launching themselves off the turnbuckles. They were a good guy duo, though, so they generally came up short against evil tag-teams like the Hart Foundation, who werent afraid to cheat.
Chad- Davey Boy Smith- DEAD! Dont become a professional wrestler, kids.
Sting & Lex Luger
Jesse- On their own, these were kick-ass dudes. But when the Man Called Sting and Lex Luger teamed up, the world was really their oyster. The cool thing about this duo was that it crossed good guy-bad guy lines: Sting was a sympathetic character, Lex was an heel, but they still made it work.
Chad- Sting & Luger were equivalent to Hulk Hogan and The Ultimate Warrior in the WWF at the time. Luger was just a roid freak!
Greatest Wrestling Tag Team Duo- The Road Warriors, hands down.
The Greatest Black-White Duos
Whether it's Jesse Owens and Luz Long forming a lasting friendship, whether its Nikita Denise and Diana Devoe forming a blistering, jerk-worthy dyke scene... there's something about black and white coming together that brings a tear to our eyes.
Riggs & Murtaugh
Jesse- Combine Mel Gibsons spectacular mullet with Danny Glovers salt-and-pepper mustache and youve got a great duo. The fact that Lethal Weapon was a terrific movie is just incidental. And youve got to give both guys credit for synergizing so well, despite the fact that their politics are so divergent (Glover is somewhere to the left of Lenin; Gibson is somewhere to the right of Hitler).
Chad- Im getting to old for this shit- Murtaugh. This duo didnt invent the Black & White Duo formula, but they took the ball and ran with it anyway.
Crockett & Tubbs
Jesse- Pfft. Talk to Chad. He was the big Miami Vice fan when we were kids. I just dug the soundtrack: You Belong to the City by Glen Frey was a kick-ass tune.
Chad- Sonny Crockett, who owned a sailboat, a Ferrari, and an alligator, seemed to have a great salary for a vice cop. His partner Tubbs was a black New York cop who cleaned up well. Together they took on the Florida drug world. The show was always very trendy with fashion and music.
Im looking forward to Michael Mann ruining this show by making it into a movie. Note Hollywood: Leave duo TV shows alone because you fuck them up every time. See Starsky & Hutch.
Jack Cates & Reggie Hammond
Chad- Here's your goddamned dinner! This duo beat the shit out of each other, physically and verbally. Nick Nolte and Eddie Murphy were hysterical in this film.
Jesse- What slays me about this duo was the amount of out-and-out racist smack Cates dropped on Hammond. Its a surprise to our PC-tenderized ears. Seriously, Cates calls Hammond every name in the book, except maybe eggplant. But its not one-sided; Hammond gets his revenge against all of the haters in the brilliant country-and-western bar scene: I dont like white people. I hate rednecks. You all are rednecks. That means Im enjoying this shit.
Albert Ganz & Billy Bear
Chad- I remember asking a drunken black man if he saw 48HRS. His response was, Of course I did. Ganz was a bad motherfucker! I thought that was hilarious, but he was right! Ganz was a bad motherfucker!
Jesse- One of the things that makes 48HRS a classic piece of cinema is the presence of not one, but two great, dueling duos. And if you can find a more bad-assed villainous duo than Ganz and Billy Bear, be our fucking guests. True, this isnt really a black-white duo, but its a multi-racial one at least, what with Billy Bear being an Injun and all.
Jules & Vincent
Jesse- Im not the biggest Pulp Fiction fan (its way too long and slow for my tastes, and the extended scene with Butch and his grating, annoying girlfriend is nearly unwatchable- God, I hate that foreign bitch), but the offbeat chemistry between Sam Jackson and John Travolta is the films biggest saving grace, by far.
Chad- Samuel L with a jheri-curl is never a bad thing.
Greatest Black-White Duo- Jack Cates & Reggie Hammond
The Greatest Cool-Ass Motherfucker Duos
These duos fit into no neat category. But they're so fucking cool, we had to form a place for them.
Clyde Williams & Billy Foster (Uptown Saturday Night; Lets Do It Again)
Chad- Nobody could do it and Do it again like the perfectly matched Williams and Foster. One of the coolest movies out of the 70s era with a kick-ass soundtrack to back it up.
Oh, and nobody can rock a beard like Bill Cosby.
Jesse- Ive seen like, half of Lets Do It Again, but I wholeheartedly second Chads take on Cosbys beard.
Butch Cassidy & The Sundance Kid
Chad- Butch was the brains, Sundance was all action and skill. Together, they made a great duo in this must-see movie.
Jesse- Classic, especially the scene where their teamwork/cheating disposes of a challenge to their leadership by future Bond villain Richard Kiel. "Rules? There's no rules in a" - POW!
Maverick & Goose
Chad- Maverick & Goose defined what a duo should be. They always had each others back whether it was in the air, at the bar, and even on the sand volleyball court. Goose may be the best wingman in the history of wingmen. Especially when it came to Maverick getting some wrinkled old pussy.
Jesse- Lets be honest- the only reason the Goose character was even in Top Gun was so his inevitable death could set up the patented Tom Cruise Drunken Quitter Bitch Scene. Still, its a solid tandem.
The Blues Brothers
Jesse- I want to go on a Mission From God. I want to fuck up Illinois Nazis, who I hate. I want go to Bobs Country Bunker, front as the Good Ole Boys, drink hundreds of dollars worth of beer, and skip out on the tab. And I also want to buy your women. Sell them to me!
Chad- Jake and Elwood Blues are the ultimate duo in my opinion. They were on mission from God in this film, and the ground they covered was nothing short of brilliant. Rednecks, Nazi's, blues legends, comedy legends, celebrity cameos, shopping malls, and one of the greatest car chases ever through the streets of Chicago. This movie just bleeds Chicago, the same way Ferris Buller's Day Off did. One of my favorite films of all-time.
Statler & Waldorf
Jesse- Another duo to emulate. When I get old I want to be a cynical Muppet who sits in a balcony and rains on everybodys parade. Hey, ever notice that John Denver guest-hosted EVERY SINGLE FUCKING episode of The Muppet Show?
Chad- They had great seats to "The Muppet Show" every week and all they did was bitch. I would have been pumped to sit up there and watch "The Muppet Show" every week (and Jesse is full of shit on the John Denver thing; I distinctly recall Carol Burnett hosting a couple of times too).
Greatest Cool-Ass Motherfucker Duo- The Blues Brothers
The Greatest Historical Duos
We go into the annals to find the greatest- and the most notorious- two-man acts in the history of civilization. Chads just going to go ahead and let me take this part over. He don't know much about history. But thats cool- who does?
Robert E. Lee & Stonewall Jackson
Jesse- Robert E. Lee was an old-fashioned Virginia gentleman. Stonewall was a wild-eyed, wild-bearded, fanatical Christian from the Blue Ridge Mountains. Together, they made the entire Union collectively piss itself in fright for two years, until Stonewall was accidentally shot by his own men in the Wilderness in May of 1863, dying a week later. Im a Northern boy myself, but badass is badass; and Lee & Stonewall were definitely that.
Ulysses S. Grant & William Tecumseh Sherman
Jesse- It look a great duo of its own for the Union to finally win the Civil War (or the War Between the States, depending on where youre from). Sherman was widely suspected of being crazy, and Grant was widely suspected of being a drunk, but it didnt matter. They had more men, more resources, and they used both to pound the Confederacy into oblivion. These two just didn't give a fuck who many men got killed, as long as they won. And they did.
Maximilian Robespierre & Georges Danton
Jesse- This pair was the combined driving force in the creation of the first totalitarian state in modern history- Revolutionary France. Something to be proud of, huh? Unfortunately, the good times didnt last forever- Robespierre had Danton guillotined in April of 1794, three months before Robespierre himself was slid under what was known to the French as The National Razor.
Chad? Yo, Chad? Got a take? Fuck, forget it.
Angelo Buono & Kenneth Bianchi
Jesse- AKA the Hillside Stranglers, these cousins from Hell were the ultimate rarity- the serial-killer duo. We certainly dont admire them ("great" doesn't necessarily mean "good", in this context), but there is something perversely impressive about a couple of guys who killed ten women and girls without even being suspected by the cops. They were only caught because Bianchi went solo, murdered two women in Washington State, and without the coldly levelheaded Buono to assist him, was quickly arrested. Sadly, these two were better with women than Chad or I can ever hope to be. They had better mustaches too.
Bob Woodward & Carl Bernstein
Jesse- These two cracked open Watergate and spawned two generations of journalists who take themselves way, way too seriously. Without the pair known colloquially as "Woodstein", we wouldn't have to put up with assholes like Jim Gray. Still, propers go to a pair of writers who brought down an entire Administration, for better or for worse.
Greatest Historical Duo- Robert E. Lee & Stonewall Jackson
And the Greatest Duo of All Time (according to us, at least) is Jake and Elwood Blues. We like our four fried chickens (and a Coke), we like our dry white toast, and we sure as hell like the Blues Brothers, above every other duo that has ever walked the Earth.
Got your own take on some great duos? Or do you simply think this article is lame, unfunny, and possibly homoerotic, and want to rake us over the coals for it? Either way, have at it, people.
hst Posted: 4/5/2006by: Jeb I'd have to say Raoul Duke & Dr. Gonzo from Fear and Loathing In Las Vegas. Perhaps the duo with most drugs consumed while covering a sporting event. Plus they're only semi-fictional. you forgot Posted: 2/27/2006by: Colte somehow, maybe you thought your list wasn't worthy or whatever. you forgot ACE AND GARY!!!!!!
the Abiguously gay Duo.
c'mon guys i expect better. Tag Teams Posted: 2/22/2006by: Josh Good article, but you left off some great Tag Teams:
Dudley Boys- OK so they're realtively new team but did you see them in ECW? Their mike work was AWESOME and the crowd HATED them.
Demolition- before they became a 3-man team. Yah, I know they were a rip off of LOD but they were a good one.
The Rockers- Barber shop window, that's all that needs to be said.
Rock N' Roll Express- they INVENTED the Rocket Launcher!
Midnight Express- Cornette was a managerial genius. The tennis racquet RULED!
Orient Express- Mr Fuji was also badass. Xenophobia anyone?
Doink and Dink- Clown + little person= fun for the whole family (yah OK they sucked)
Other teams that may have not been together for long enough but I still think were great: British Bulldog & Owen Heart, Furnas & LaFon (REALLY underrated), The Eliminators Keith Olberman - Piece of Shit Posted: 2/20/2006by: Guido You left off a great pair - Keith Olberman, and a piece of shit = identical twins ! Solid but not complete Posted: 2/20/2006by: Mark Great list. However, There are a lot of classic duo's left out (I'm sure you are bored of hersring that but here are a few)
Wrestling- Powers of Glory. Paul Roma and Hercules. These two had the tightest finish in wrestling history
History- Lee Harvey Oswald and the second gunman on the grassy knoll.
TV- Jake and the Fatman
Sports- Bash Brothers...sat what u will but they were hard in there day and Babe Ruth was a know cheat so whats the difference w/ steroids...they cant teach you to swing a bat Hon mention was Michael Irving and Cocain (someone said it earlier and that was fucking hilarious)
White Black- Howard stern and Robin Quivers
Blonde hair/Dark hair- Zack Morris and AC Slater
Family duo- Brandon and Brenda Walsh
Just all time greatest Duo- Ace and Gary (big leave out...u call any two guys guys Ace and Gary and you'll crack up)
If I may? Posted: 2/20/2006by: Al You guys seriously underrate Jules and Vincent from Pulp Fiction. They seriously kick the shit out of any of those other black-white duos. You look as though you're trying to explain why your editor made you put them on the list, when you should acknowledge that they are in some of the most memorable scenes ever. That said, Riggs and Murtaugh should have had that one.
And how can you leave out The Rock and Mankind on your greatest duos in wrestling? The Rock-n-Sock Connection made some of the highest ratings in wrestling history, and they were two BAMFs in the ring, if you will. They simply own the Road Warriors. Men of Film Posted: 2/20/2006by: Johnny What about Damon Waynes and David Alen Grier's character on In Living Color. They played those gay guys on Men on Film.
Batman and Robin, Nick Nolte & Eddie Murphy. Wody Harelson & Wesley Snipes for Wilcats, White Men Cant Jump and Money Train TV couples... Posted: 2/20/2006by: BCash Homer and Marge Al and Peggy
Great one guys!! Black and White Posted: 2/20/2006by: BigNIck Come on Rocky 3 Rocky and Appollo... Come on all you left siders tell me I didn't spell the black guys name right, I don't care Uh Posted: 2/20/2006by: JP I'd put Hardcastle & McCormick up against Cagney & Lacey any day.
The Greatest Sporting Duos
The Greatest Musical Duos
The Greatest Blonde Hair-Dark Hair Duos
The Greatest Wrestling Tag-Team Duos
The Greatest Black-White Duos
The Greatest Cool-Ass Motherfucker Duos
The Greatest Historical Duos
