Weve heard the term a million times but what is a Douche Bag, really?
Wikipedia describes it as A piece of equipment for douching: a bag for holding the water or fluid used in douching then advises, To avoid transferring intestinal bacteria into the vagina the douche bag must not be used for an enema.
Now, that is just fucking nasty.
Alas, folks, this holder of drained and crusty vaginal fluids is more appealing than the true meaning of the word found by our Phat Phree research team.
However, rather than give a paragraph describing the term, we thought we would show you the worlds biggest DBs in an attempt to educate you, our beloved readers in the hopes that we might prevent you from ever having to suffer prolonged contact with the ultimate gutter goo: The Douche Bag.
Ranking
1 (Kind of a Douche, but Id still hang out with them)
5 (A skeeze-bag but I would still drink with them)
10 (A total Gina Washer, Id bathe in bleach if we ever had contact
THE MANWHORE DOUCHE BAG- KEVIN FEDERLINE
Cornrows? Check.
Wife-beater and tatoos with a gut? Check.
Pipe dreams of becoming a rapper instead of getting a real job to support his 4 kids? Double-check.
Federtrash is the king of all douches. Dancer my ass. Before Britney Trailer Spears took over where the state left off, he was the screwing truck stop strippers with C-section scars that he picked up in flashy cars he rented with stolen credit cards and drug money. Now that Spears wants her old life back, K-Fed wants spousal support. Isnt that like the dude who presses rape charges? D-O-U-C-H-E!
Douchey Factor- 10
THE SKANKY-DOUCHE BAG: DENISE RICHARDS
There was a time when she was just hot Denise Richards. You know, the gal who could have very easily been in Platinum Escort ads had some John Robert Powers agent not gotten lucky. Then she was sperminated with vagina juice by the road kill known as Charlie Sheen and, before we knew it, our hot playmate looking pseudostar was just another hot water bag hanging on the old Hollywood shower rod. Throw in the whole sleeping with your best friends husband and hitting old ladies with laptops and youve got yourself some grade-A Douche.
Douchey Factor- 8
Yes, Bartender, A Big Glass of Douche, please.
THE GOLDEN DOUCHE BAG- DONALD TRUMP
Hes rich. We get it. His life is better than ours. So hes told us a million times. This Fugly Braggart has planes, trains and a wife who looks like Miss Universe. Hell, he owns Miss Universe! Alas, all of the money in the world cannot rid you from the smell of the juice. What millionaire chooses that hair? A Douche.
That said, if Donald reads this, I didn't write this Mr. Trump.
Douchey Factor- 5
THE NO-BRAINER DOUCHE BAG- BRAD PITT
Let us get this straight: When he went with Gwennie-Hippie Paltrow, they got the same haircut. When he married Jennifer I look like a SaveOn Employee Aniass, he got matching highlights. Now hes banging Angie HoLee and he wants to save the world? This loser may be heavy on the looks but hes got no balls. In fact, hes not a Douche- Hes the whole big, flappy Vagina.
DoucheY Factor- 7
OTHER DOUCHE BAG'S
TOM CRUISE- The couch-jumping, Alian-believing, Closet-Hiding Douche
Douchey Factor- 10+
PARIS HILTON- The no-talent, beef-jerky for a penis-hole douche
Douchey Factor- 9
Brandon Davis- The fat-Elvis, who in the hell is he anyway, go OD already-Douche
Douchey Factor- 9
CLAY AIKEN- The PLEASE FOR THE LOVE OF GOD DONT PUT ME IN THE QUIVERING LIVER PATTY! Douche
Douchey Factor- 3
CLAIRE DAINES-The home-wrecking, granola-munching muff-diving LUG (Lesbian until Graduation douche. Douchey Factor- a strong 6
Tempting but we're not in the whole burning snatch scene
KIRSTEN DUNST The I used to be cute but now I have schmegma under my saggy boobs and smell of BO and hippie oil Douche
Boner Posted: 11/15/2006by: Yvonna I am so sorry. I don't speak trailer trash. Your mom should be proud of the kind of son she raised. You know, the one who goes on internet web sites and vomits his issues all over innocent people.
You're so average it makes me want to visit WhiteCastle.
Your screen name is boner. You have no class and zero education.
Yawn. Also Interesting. . . Posted: 11/15/2006by: Bill That the only thing MilliVanilla/Boner did capitalize was McDonald's. Don't want to get in trouble with the boss man, huh MilliVanilla/Boner? Internet Miracle Posted: 11/15/2006by: Bill From Reuters:
"In the feel good internet story of the year, twins seperated at birth were reunited via TPP, a humor site in the US. It seems that many years ago, Vanessa Garsbed, an indigent glue sniffer with a penchant for the dimwitted bedded a barely literate manure shoveller from the local zoo. They had one night of exquisite passion. The manure shoveller ran off in the morning after seeing Vanessa's face, leaving behind only his own handwritten notes on the most efficient way to clean up after an elephant. However, Vanessa had become pregnant. Doctors, upon delivering two of the ugliest twin babies in the history of mankind, decided that the collective retardation of these two twins was so massive that together they might inadvertently drive their big wheels into cooling towers of nuclear power plants, thus wiping out hundreds of thousands of lives. So, the doctors told Vanessa her children were eaten by vultures. Years later, a welfare health worker was trying to show a now old Vanessa what this whole internet thing was as Vanessa was now a quivering pile of syphillitic goo from all her years of banging sewer hobos. However, as the health care worker was showing her the postings on TPP Vanessa began moaning and pulled out the one thing she had always carried. The shit shoveller's notes, which were remarkable for their lack of humor and capitalization. It was then that the health care worker knew that boner and millivanilli must be ignorant cock sucking twins, as their was no way some asshole would post under two different names. An internet miracle indeed."
I didn't know Reuters could swear. mister rogers eats cock Posted: 11/15/2006by: MilliVanilla we all know mr. rogers is a full fledged cock-gobbling cumfarter so it doesn't surprise anyone here that he/she would make a 2 cent comment offering solace to the poor cunt that tried in vain to write a "humorous" story on TPP and failed miserably.
btw, you are all retards. just thought i would remind you.
you are all little message board homos Posted: 11/15/2006by: MilliVanilla jimmy the greek is the professional peanut gallery commentary queer of this site. pay no attention to that anal stain. all he does is sit in front of a mirror all day with his sore, beat up, sorry excuse for a penis and a half empty bottle of complimentary hotel lotion.
ps. he is giving 15-1 odds that he will take it up the ass for a McDonald's double cheesburger. mmmm.... value menu.
So far so good Posted: 11/15/2006by: Jimmy The Greek The odds have jumped to 15 to 1 now, though. Parents Posted: 11/15/2006by: Mister Rogers He is just having your run-of-the-mill temper tantrum. Many pre-schoolers indulge in such activity. Just carry on as if nothing is happening... yvonna twat Posted: 11/15/2006by: boner don't be mad that your stories suck and you have the personality of a can of soup....
i would suggest that in place of your atrocious writing skills that you take up another hobby such as fingerblasting your smelly fishbucket of a pussy that constantly leaks like a cheap diaper.
Another One Posted: 11/15/2006by: Tom A buttonning his shirt without cutting his fingers.
Securing any non-velcro or non slip-on shoes.
He has mastered "putting on" (i.e. as opposed to actually tying) a tie, however. GUYS!!!!!!! Posted: 11/15/2006by: Andy Van whoever the fuck
Oooooh, ooooooh, 5 minute penalty, 5 minute penalty, LOL!!! LOL!!! 5 minutes, hardihardiha...HE is NOT funny, stop laughing with HIM!!!! HE is not funny. I am funny. LOOK at how funny I am: 10 minute penalty!!! Instead of the usual 5. Get it??? LOL LOL. RONLMAO. Tape Recorder and I are SOOOOO funny. HAHA, 20 minutes!!!! OMG, RONFLMAOFDTSLSMCS!!!!!!!!! NEVER laugh with HIM!!! He is not funny!!! 30 minutes!!!!!!!!!!! OMG!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! 30 minute penalty, GET IT??????????????????????????????????????????????????
