Nobody fucking cares. Let me just get that out there. Nobody gives a shit where you went last night- that, like your life, is interesting to you and only you, you fucking prissy-ass poser.
How narcissistic of you to really believe that your willingness to pay some fat, bald bouncer at some overpriced modern disco makes you an interesting person?
Where do you get off? I know deep down you want to convince us all that you are better than everyone else because you were able to charge a 300.00 bar in the same building Lindsay Lohan took a shit, but the reality is you are not a Very Important Person, youre just a dude who paid to get in a bar and sit on a seat that a million men before you have farted on. Your mother should be so proud of how far you have come. Here, have a fucking cookie.
Hey, Hot Girl in the Office,
You are not funny. Guys dont laugh because you amuse them, they laugh because it will give them more time around you so they can play the look-at-your-breasts-and-not-get-caught by-you-while-giving-one-another-stupid-looks-game. The reality of this situation is that anyone can do expenses and answer phones but your ass looked like a plum on cellophane in your little BeBe suit and the boss decided to throw the boys a bone.
I know you think you are interesting and smart and that they stop by your cube to hear all about your adorable puppy and your weekend trip with your boyfriend, but the truth is they just want to have something to think about later that night. I am so sorry to have to tell you that your laugh is annoying and your baby giggles makes their nuts crawl up into their stomachs worse than a dive into the Hudson in February, but they will put up with it because, like most men, they are all willing to trade their ear drums and a few nerves for fucking smokin. And smokin' you are. Can I borrow your tie?
Hey Mets Fans,
You fucking suck. Your team sucks. Get out of our city.
Hey, Dipshit on Friendster,
Grade A-Rod approved
You are a fucking loser. Stop looking for people you have met once at your cool friends birthday party to add as your friends. When was the last time you saw half of these people anyway? Do you even know their last names? You insecure sack of shit. The day you have 75 friends is the day your mother gets off the butchers tip. Never gonna happen.
Hey Balding Guy,
Stop with the baseball hats. You look like a frat boy. Unless you are 63, 220 pounds, dont shave your head because it wont make you look tough. Youll have to grow a goatee and get an earring and then the only chicks that will screw you will have blue hair and pale flabby skin. Do you want a Howie Mandel experience? And for the sake of Christ, please dont do that fucking comb-over. Youre no billionaire.
Its time to accept reality. Your hair is falling out. You had a good run and now its over. You didnt win the genetic lottery and you know what? Nobody gives a fuck. Most guys didnt. Take out that baby oil and shine that fucker up. Embrace that egg on your head and tell chicks your father is an arms dealer. That should do it.
Hey Red Sox Fans,
The only thing worse than a Mets fan is a Red Sox Fan, but the only thing better than making a Mets fan cry is to run over an idiot from Boston. Can't wait for you to visit again, losers.
Hey Formerly Hot Girl Who Is Getting Fat,
Here that faint ticking sound in the background of your life? Thats your little indication that your time is almost up. No amount of forcing those wider hips in your college pants will make us all burn with envy and lust like we used to. Its over. Time to hang up the belly shirts, join Curves, and find yourself one of those guys you used to be mean to and marry him, because Joe Six-Pack is dating the assistant in the office (see above).
No, Seriously, The Guys Really Value What You Have To Say
We watch you count the calories, deny yourself the pizza and spin yourself into a fit of tears to get your ass from expanding any bigger, but nothing will spike your metabolism. Youre irritable, frustrated and chubby. All in all, former hot girl, youre becoming a fat bitch. I will add that the former fat girls in your High School class are enjoying every moment.
mets fans. pshh. Posted: 3/10/2006by: Terry Would somebody please write an article on how unfunny Carlos Mencia is and why I keep seeing him on comedy central? That's all folks Posted: 3/9/2006by: Yvonna Until next time...Bruiser, here's a virtual cookie for getting my name...dumbass. I Love Yvonna Posted: 3/9/2006by: Mike S She's fucking hilarious. Oh, by the Way Posted: 3/9/2006by: Frisco Ho no one outside of New England and New York gives a shit about the Red Sux or the Yankee$. Johnny Damon is just Brett Butler with faggy hair. Yvonna... Posted: 3/9/2006by: BIGBRUCE ...is clearly the former hot girl who is getting fat, it couldnt be more obvious. ps Posted: 3/9/2006by: bruiser and dont think i didnt pick up on the cleverness that is the name yvonna dume, pronounced (eevonna doomee) Patrick, yvonna Posted: 3/9/2006by: bruiser Haha well i think you have a loose definition of flirting, but then again, my flamboyance is out in the open due to my marloboro lights habit so maybe that will work out. Also, any day trader i know would never be able to pollute this website so throroughly throughout a day. I usually read the comments in silent disaproval but this has made the day go by much quicker. Thanks yvonna, Ill buy you a shot. Max Posted: 3/9/2006by: Tom A I think there's some redundancy in there, somewhere. thank you all Posted: 3/9/2006by: Max For bringing together the words "gayest daytrading garbageman". Patrick Posted: 3/9/2006by: Christine I totally thought of that too. But she makes little smiley faces near her name. Not even fags do that. She is a girl with a creative alias.
