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DALLAS (AP)- The Mothers I’d Like To Fuck Local 820 declared in a statement Tuesday that it’s members were not getting enough young cock, and threatened to cease all extra marital activities if working conditions did not improve.
“We’re middle-aged, undersexed women,” union spokeswomen Gloria Cummings said. “We are simply not getting enough stimulating foreplay. If these conditions persist we will have no choice but to go on strike.”
It has been 13 years since the last MILF strike. The collective celibacy lasted two weeks, and gave permanent erections to every male age 16-65 in the greater Dallas-Fort Worth area. The stoppage brought the local youth soccer league to a grinding halt. Groaning males wandered the food court at the mall with permanent hard-ons. Middle managers everywhere could barely get into their BMW’s.
While the action has proved effective in the past, local industry officials think a work stoppage will only hurt the local economy. “This strike could put me out of business,” Rich Williams, owner of Dallas Floral FTD said. “It’s the only year round holiday we have. I don’t even want to think about what would happen to the chocolate industry.”
Alfred Wallace, president of the Dallas Chamber of Commerce, urged local business leaders to remain calm. “Let’s not overact to this statement. No one wants a halt to these activities. Right now, I’ve got my best people mediating the situation.” Wallace said talks were being held at the Super 8 Motel off of Route 20.
Plastic surgeons in the region collectively gasped in horror at the announcement. Laser hair removal specialists were also concerned, and there was serious panic at the Botox clinic. However, some professionals were not as worried. Edward Longsworth III, a practicing plastic surgeon for over 30 years, said the threatened strike wouldn’t alter his business in any way. “I’ll still be on the golf course by noon,” he said.
Yet, in the face of such adversity the sexy matriarchs of this community remained steadfast.
“We’re looking for an honest day's fuck,” Martha Goldbirdge said yesterday at an organized MILF rally. “We want decent young men to make passionate love under reasonable hours and fair working conditions.” The hot moms gathered outside the local junior college football practice to draw attention to the seriousness of their cause. Signs declaring “C’MON BOYS, WHERE’S THE COITUS?” “MILF’s OF THE WORLD UNITE” and “GET IT UP!” paraded up and down the sidewalks.
The crowd marched from the football practice to the local neighborhood bar, chanting “WHAT DO WE WANT?” “ORAL!” “WHEN DO WE WANT IT?” “NOW!” The rally convened inside Sharkey’s Pub and Grill with startled regulars looking on. “I had no idea it was Ladies Night,” one patron said. There were no reports of blowjobs in the bathrooms.
“Look at these fake tits,” Alice Tuttle, secretary and longtime union member said over a stiff martini. “I’m proud of these rockets. I can’t believe it’s come to this. I was going to get another face lift this year but if this keeps up you can fucking forget it!!!”
Among the unions demands are better hotel rooms, less mall parking lot fucking and more oral sex. MILF Local 820 meets next week to vote on the strike.
The comma in the first line of the fourth paragraph needs to be moved (from after the word "industry" to after the word "past").
JP
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Posted: 10/18/2005 12:29:03 PM
I didn't read the whole thing but I do know that an institution of higher learing is spelled College not collage.
deuce
always happens
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Posted: 10/18/2005 12:33:11 PM
when farting on a writer's pillow about his/her spelling, please proofread your own comment.
Hal Holbrook
Ha
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Posted: 10/18/2005 12:58:04 PM
I enjoyed this one.
Stu P
Fake Title
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Posted: 10/18/2005 1:00:09 PM
Any story about MILF's should definately include better pictures. Kinda funny anyway.
matt
Not bad
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Posted: 10/18/2005 1:46:48 PM
I ain't even going to touch grammar issues.
K.W.
I will
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Posted: 10/18/2005 2:21:16 PM
Even if it is a website (a damn great one,) you are publishing a work. I don't know about O'Conner, but you should be proud of your work and, therefore, proofread it. Many say my articles suck ass, but nobody says I have grammer issues! :)
The article did make me wanna get some MILFage though.
Yakov
HEY K.W.
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Posted: 10/18/2005 3:28:31 PM
You spelled O'Connor wrong.
You should be proud of your work and, therefore, proofread it.
What a country!!!!
Bob Probert
K.W.
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Posted: 10/18/2005 4:00:14 PM
Too bad, we couldn't view your :) as a smiley face. It really would've added to your grammatically correct comment. I'd rather read an article that sucks ass then your English 101 skill inflicted bullsheeet.
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