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This is Where I Should Be!
I cheated on you, my girlfriend of six years, back in 'Aught Four, and when I recently learned of the website Dont Date Him Girl.com, I thought for sure that you’d have the decency to list me on there. Instead, I had to hear it from my friend Dan that you totally played me and I wasn’t even on there!
Nothing!
Not even one dishonorable mention!
You know all I ever did was treat you like shit, and this is what I get in return? Would it kill you to say a few lousy things about me like the other bitter and broken women that are on that website? I see all these lucky guys listed on the site by their ex’s. All the girls warn other women about them being sociopaths and I think to myself “That should be my name up there! I put my time in! I’m a sociopath!” I’m really disappointed in you. All those women are scarred for life and I thought I gave that to you. But I guess I didn’t. I feel like I don’t even NOT matter to you.
I put in all that effort to gain your trust, your love, and your devotion only to see it through and screw that stewardess in your parents' bed while you were at your grandmother’s funeral in Iowa, and you don’t even acknowledge me! I feel like such an idiot! I feel so used.
I give and I give…nothing, and I get nothing in return. Remember when you dumped me and I turfed your mom’s lawn? I know you do. Remember how I drove away screaming “You’re a filthy frigid dyke” just before the Molotov cocktail landed? Come on, we both had to watch the tape in court! I know you remember that day.
Or how about that time I gift wrapped a fetal pig and put it under your Christmas tree because you bought me the wrong color Jetta? I remember it like it was yesterday. Don’t you? It seems like only yesterday I was pissing out the candles on your mom’s 50th birthday cake while calling you a "cum-guzzling whore".
Well what happened to that? Was it not real? Doesn’t that deserve some kind of recognition? What’s a guy got to do to land himself on that website with you?
This is me on your dresser while you were at school. This is from today!
Maybe you listed somebody else? WHO IS HE?!
He couldn’t have hurt you like I hurt you. He probably doesn’t even know what things you care about most to exploit you with. Well I do… I’m the one that said I love you just so you’d give me a blow job in church. Not some other guy! I bet you he never even said “I love you” just to get into your pants. Or your sister's pants. I did! What is he? Some kind of man?
What’s he never done for you that I’ve never done for you?
I guess it doesn’t matter. It sounds like you’ve got a new ex in your life and there’s no room for me. I’d shit on your Pathfinder if I thought I mattered to you anymore, but clearly I don’t. Maybe it’s time I found someone new. Someone I can count on to call the police when I hand her niece a bag full of condoms on Halloween.
Oh what’s the difference? I guess I’m not worthy of being on DontDateHimGirl.com.
Happier Times. You can't tell there's a revolver in your back.
Cheated on me with an obscene number of women during our 5 year reign. I found out about all of them at once at the end. The bastard actually DID ask me if I listed him on this site! She didn't list you because she's not thinking about you anymore, Jim. She's too busy licking her new boyfriend's six pack.
Brenda Della Casa
Atlas!
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Posted: 3/13/2006 11:08:37 AM
I am SHOCKED by your pseudo-admission. YOU? You are such a prince!
Atlas
No Brenda
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Posted: 3/13/2006 11:35:20 AM
I cannot claim to be a raging psychopath, I cant even pretend. My commitment phobia kept me from cheating on anyone because I would never actually date a girl for more than lets say a month. See then it isn't cheating, I was just playing the field. I did that from age 14-23, then I sobered up found the girl of my dreams and got hitched.
I never got mad enough to do anything psycho. If a girl really pissed me off I might try to get one of her friends in bed.
The GZA
Disappointment
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Posted: 3/13/2006 11:42:05 AM
I can't believe my ex doesn't have me listed on this site! I'm disappointed in her on so many levels.
Christine
I liked it!!
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Posted: 3/13/2006 1:45:01 PM
Good job Jim! I specifically love "your" photos.
Dear Atlas,
I am still in the month only phase and I am 26. Now when you say "Sobered up". . . what do you mean exactly? Are you saying I have to give up drinking in order to be able to commit? Wouldn't more alcohol help the commitent thing?
Sleepless in South Philly
Patrick M
Christine
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Posted: 3/13/2006 1:51:50 PM
If I may, I doubt he means completely sober. Instead, more like not-drunk-enough-to-vomit-at-her-family-barbecue or not-drunk-enough-to-hit-on-her-friend or just not drunk enough to do a lot of the things that end fragile relationships. Alcohol is great. It can help you meet people and stuff them later that night, but it preys on weaknesses inherent in new relationships. My two cents. Sorry, cent.
Max
ok, this site is really funny
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Posted: 3/13/2006 1:53:48 PM
Check out the first sentence of the testimonial on "Donald Craig"
"DONALD CRAIG I was married to him for about 6 months when this guy went nuts on me, set my cell phone on fire, cut my computer wires, my cats "disappeared", came to my work turned the lights on in my car and told me he would stalk me."
Set my cell phone on fire?!?
I think it's kind of fucked up that girls can post shit on people, even pictures, and there is no way for a man to retort. You know that the type of girl to get involved with these scumbags have pulled some serious bullshit of her own.
Fortunately for me I'm not on there, so I think it's funny.
Atlas
Patrick M
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Posted: 3/13/2006 2:09:09 PM
You are right on my friend. No Christine not completely sober, lets not go overboard. It is funny though because my wife says made her party more than she ever did before, when in fact I toned things down quite a bit when met her.
Sometimes I do revert to that college level of sobriety, like last Saturday when I got my haircut and ended up doing shots of Tequila with my barber. St Patty's day, the best holiday of the year.
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