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Paco the Parrot
Seriously bro, get out of my fucking face before I peck your stupid eyes out. I am a real-ass dude. I don’t play.
In fact, you know what? All you fucking people, just stay the fuck away from me from now on. I got nothin’ to say to you.
Seriously, when you see me in my cage at Petco, don’t squeal and tell your daughter, Madison or Madeline or whatever Maddy name she has these days, to come look at the parrot. Just keep walking. Go look at the kittens. Take them all home. Do whatever, just don’t come near me.
I plead the fifth, motherfuckers.
Can't you see that I am busy staring at myself in this stupid mirror? Yo, when it's me and the mirror, that means I’m busy, ok? BUSY. B-U-S-Y. Can't a bird get some privacy? Whose windshield do I have to shit on to get some alone time?
Who the fuck is Polly? Can't you see by my bulging, magnificent bird-cock that I am not a goddam woman?
Nice pants suit, skank. Just get lucky at the Kmart next door? That must have cost an ashtray full of nickels. And 100 bucks says your "husband" doesn't like the Milwaukee Bucks. That hat looks great on you, though. Goes nice with that moustache.
Look, Sharlene, you white trash cunt, you look like a dirty shit-stained mattress that some 9-year old spilled watercolor paints on. Shut your stupid mouth about how you don’t really like my colors. I don’t really like your breath, how’s that? In fact, did I already shit in your gaping maw or was that just a fantasy? Not yet, huh? Keep flapping those sloppy lips and I will make it a reality.
I don’t know who you’ve all been talking to, or who told you that parrots talk, but it sure as hell wasn’t me. I evoke my right to remain silent. You watch too much Animal Planet. Do yourself a favor: turn off the television and go take a walk. Throw a frisbee. Play some chess in the park. For gods sake get some exercise.
No I am not from “Africa, or someplace like that.” I was both conceived and hatched in a basement right here in Worcester Massachusetts. Just like you! Know what else? My parents didn’t know each other either!
“Oh, the bird is pooping!” Seriously, how sick are you? If I lived in your house I would make it a point to stay away from your bathroom. Can you just look the other way while I fire a few off? Or do you have to be a fucking pervert and like orgasm every time I shit? Here, come play with it. Make a finger painting. Fucking cocksuckers.
HELLO! HELLO! HELLO! HELLO! HELLO! HELLO! HELLO! HELLO! HELLO! HELLO HELLO HELLO HELLO HELLO HELLO HELLO! HOW DO YOU LIKE IT? HUH? GETTING ANNOYING YET?
Yeah. That’s right. Tell her to “keep saving her allowance.” You and I both know she is only gonna buy eyeliner and tube tops. Knocked up at 14, just like mommy!
I ain’t sayin’ shit.
I am a bird of simple tastes. I like rap music. I like seeds. I like "Grey’s Anatomy". I don’t ask for much. I don’t bother you. Just keep the water in the dish and we will get along fine. If I don’t feel like talking, just give me some space, okay?
And I am only going to say this one more time before I get loco. I do NOT want a cracker.
Great stuff Elliot. Your pop culture stuff is good, but the concept/delivery here is impressive.
HEY! Shithead commenter guy, I'm not talking to you! Stop reading, NOW. Go get some coffee, hit on the HR chick. Do some fucking push-ups for christ's sake. Here, I'm doing 50.
Dave B
Great stuff
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Post #: 4
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Posted: 7/21/2006 3:34:02 AM
Title says it all I guess.
Drawz
I thought...
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Post #: 5
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Posted: 7/21/2006 8:27:56 AM
...this article was going to be really lame, but it had some scathing, hysterical humor in it. Nice job.
That Guy
My Parrot
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Posted: 7/21/2006 8:59:21 AM
tired to pull this shit one time.
I beat the living shit out of it.
Jabbers like a Huxtable playmate on demand, now.
goatlover
This was just ok
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Post #: 7
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Posted: 7/21/2006 10:37:24 AM
“when it's me and the mirror, that means I’m busy”
Damn straight!
Queen Supreme
Great Article
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Posted: 7/21/2006 11:39:23 AM
Loved it. "Whose windshield do I have to shit on to get some alone time?" I'll be smiling all day because of this line.
Marina
Favorite
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Post #: 9
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Posted: 7/21/2006 1:01:11 PM
article on this site so far! I laughed, I cried, eh, I used up a few minutes of the day. Very funny.
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