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Went surfing on the web, found a list about Jack Bauer, found a list about Chuck Norris. However, no list about the most lethal man alive: Ralph Macchio. Fuck Chuck, fuck Jack- respect Ralph!
Ralph Macchio once ended world hunger. However, he realized that with no hunger, there was no war and no aggravation. Therefore, he had nobodies’ ass to kick. So Ralph Macchio created a time machine and went back to the day that he ended world hunger. Ralph Macchio crane kicked himself, thus ending the ending of world hunger.
Ralph Macchios sperm can cure AIDS. However, Ralph Macchio has never ejaculated because no man or woman deserves his DNA.
If Ralph Macchio would have been alive during WWII, Pearl Harbor never would have happened, Ralph Macchio would have crane kicked the shit out of those planes.
Ralph Macchio never feels hungry or tired; his body is too afraid to tell him that he needs to eat and sleep.
Women don’t have orgasms; they have Ralph Macchios.
The Devil sold his soul to Ralph Macchio for Heaven. When Satan tried to renege on the deal, Ralph Macchio crane kicked him into Hell.
The only reason there hasn’t been a World War III: every country knows that Ralph Macchio would win.
Look up Perfect in the dictionary, you’ll find a picture of Ralph Macchio.
People don’t disappear in the Bermuda Triangle, that’s just where Ralph Macchio lives.
The character of Superman is loosely based off of Ralph Macchio. I say loosely, because the real Ralph Macchio eats Kryptonite for breakfast.
Ralph Macchio, doesn’t wear clothes; clothes wear Ralph Macchio.
The saying "kill two birds with one stone" comes from the fact that Ralph Macchio once killed the entire population of the Canary Islands with one crane kick.
Ralph Macchio isn’t bullet proof; its just that bullets are too afraid to touch him.
The Leaning Tower of Pisa was erect until Ralph Macchio demonstrated what a crane kick at one-percent power could do to a building.
Ralph Macchio doesn’t have friends; he has people he hasn’t gotten around to killing yet.
The entire Matrix movie is based off of the first chapter of Ralph Macchio's autobiography. The first chapter is entitled, "My First Day of Training, at 5 percent Capability".
Ralph Macchio tried to join the Marine Corps, but the Geneva Convention ruled that it would be unfair to every other country in the world.
Ralph Macchio was originally slated to play Tom Cruise's role in Top Gun; he turned it down because he felt that flying a jet would be unbelievable. Everyone knows that in real life, Ralph Macchio just has to jump in the air and crane kick the enemies’ jets.
Despite what scientists want you to think, a solar eclipse is caused when Ralph Macchio crane kicks the sun so he can get sleep.
When the film Scarface was casting for the role of Tony Montana, Al Pacino called Ralph Macchio for acting advice. To help him with the role, Ralph Macchio crane kicked Al Pacino in the face at .5 percent of power. The crane kick left a 12-month partial paralization of Al Pacinos face; which enabled him to do the now famous voice of Tony Montana.
Ralph Macchio was walking one day and his shadow couldn’t keep up. Ralph Macchio crane kicked his shadow in the face; he hasn’t had any trouble with it since.
Scientists once tried to time the speed at which Ralph Macchio throws a punch. Once scientists figure out the speed of light, a Ralph Macchio punch will be timed that by ten.
The song "Every Time I Think About You, I Touch Myself" was written for Ralph Macchio.
If Ralph Macchio and God got into a fight, it would be a draw, because Ralph Macchio respects God.
There is nothing to fear but fear itself, unless you’re fear, because fear fears Ralph Macchio.
Sally sells seashells by the seashore, until she started selling them at the beach where Ralph Macchio practices his crane kick; now Sally’s in a coma.
Freddy Krueger has nightmares about Ralph Macchio. If a movie were made about it, it would be called A Nightmare on Crane Kick To Your Face Street.
A cat has nine lives; unless Ralph Macchio crane kicks a cat in the face. A crane kick to the face is equal to 45 lives.
Switzerland isn’t neutral; Switzerland is simply waiting to see whom Ralph Macchio sides with first.
Ralph Macchio has no money; when he wants something it is simply given to him.
The only way Ralph Macchio can lose a bet is if he bets with himself; even then, there’s no guarantee that he'll lose.
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