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For a college football coach to turn a loser into a winner, he has to turn around the execution on the field, the procuring of talent, and most importantly, the culture of losing at whatever perennial struggler they’re trying to re-shape. At the real shitholes, it can take years- years to convince indifferent students to come out to the morgue of a stadium, years to convince good recruits that they won’t go 3-40-1 for their careers if they sign on, and then years to do anything other than get punished before the results show up on Saturdays.
Frank Beamer was 24-43-2 in his first six seasons at Virginia Tech. Bill Snyder got a big chunk of his early wins against the backwash of I-AA. Gary Barnett’s best record in his first four years at Northwestern was 3-7-1. There may not be a more difficult coaching task in non-hockey team sports than turning around a bad college football program.
The Solons will focus in on a group of schools that are at least threatening to change things for the better in 2006. The circumstances in each case differ. One is a traditional winner that for a variety of reasons, most of them related to their NCAA pool-hustling coach and his woeful successor, has imploded in the last few years. One is the birthplace of college football but a longtime stinkpit that is experiencing a renaissance under an ambitious homeboy of a former assistant coach. One has long been among the very worst programs in the nation on a year-in, year-out basis, and may/may not be one of the worst this season as well. And one had a few years of shady, flashy, and wholly un-sportsmanlike glory, before it crumbled to its shoddy foundation in the very stadium in which this team will play, this weekend.
Akron (2-2) at Kent State (2-2)- When Antonio Gates spends two years on your campus and doesn’t take a single snap, that’s how you know you’ve got a fifth-rate program. That’s Kent State for you.
The Golden Flashes have had one winning season in the last 18 years, two in the last three decades. Kent hasn’t won the MAC and appeared in a bowl since 1972, when Jack Lambert was the team’s middle linebacker and the Flashes lost 21-18 to Freddie Solomon, John Matuszak, and the University of Tampa in the Tangerine Bowl (now the Capitol One Bowl; then a pre-Christmas automatic bid for the MAC champion). The last time they came close to winning the MAC was 1987, when Glen Mason was the head coach and they finished second to Eastern Michigan. Mason went to Kansas, and two years later Kent State went 0-11, going the entire season without making a single field goal at all.
That was by no means the only winless season. There have been several. Kent always seems to be working on one of the nation’s longest losing streaks. Generally, when these losing streaks end, as they must, the fans storm the field and take down the goalposts. Not that there are many, fans that is: Kent always finishes well below the supposed I-A mandated average attendance of 15,000, a rule that is never enforced, as far as I know. The Flashes are regularly outdrawn by local high school teams, and with reason; they play very good football at the high school level around here, and they play very bad football at Kent State.
This season got off to a typical start- a 44-0 blowout loss to Minnesota and an overtime defeat at Army, a game lost in large part by the team’s kicking game, which traditionally has been the weakest of many weak spots for the program. But then the Flashes broke character, winning consecutive road games over the O.G. Miami and Bowling Green to move to 2-0 in the conference, good for undisputed possession of first place in the MAC East. Now comes the next big test: the University of Akron, just 10 miles away down I-76 West.
Akron was I-AA until the mid-80s, playing in the Ohio Valley Conference with schools like Murray State and Austin Peay. Then, around 1987 or so, they fired longtime coach Jim Dennison, hired Gerry Faust, fresh off his defenestrating at Notre Dame, and proclaimed themselves a major independent. There was talk of Akron joining the MAC, but the Zips didn’t want to lower themselves so. They thought they were going to be the next Miami, or at least the next Louisville. They remained… Akron. After several years of being bukkaked by opponents as an independent, they decided hey, maybe the MAC wasn’t such a bad league to join after all. Once in, the Zips settled quietly toward the bottom of the conference standings and stayed there. Other than Jason Taylor, they were never anything remotely special. Akron even lost to Kent every now and again.
In the last several years, however, Akron has evolved into an exciting, competitive team. In 2005 the Zips came from way behind to upset Northern Illinois in the MAC Championship Game and earned the conference’s automatic berth in the Motor City Bowl, their first-ever bowl appearance. Teams are fearing the ‘Roo a bit more than they used to. In the last seven minutes and change of Akron’s upset of N.C. State, quarterback Luke Getsy was 4-of-6 for 125 yards and ran for 30 more, directing touchdown drives of 96 and 67 yards. That’s pretty good.
Wack Predicto: Akron 35, Kent State 31. The Zips squeeze out a thriller reminiscent of the Charlie Frye-Joshua Cribbs donnybrooks of the recent past.
Washington (3-1) at Arizona (2-2)- For the past several years, like stoners passing the bubbler back and forth, the Washington Huskies and the Arizona Wildcats have chilled together in the dark basement of the Pac 10 Conference. Once these were mighty powers; Steve Emtmann, Billy Joe Hobart and the undefeated 1991 Huskies; Rob Waldrop, Tedy Bruschi, and Arizona’s Desert Swarm defense. But that was back in the day, man (cough).
But a renew might be in the works in Seattle and Tucson. It could be that the Huskies and Wildcats have cashed out the irrelevance, tapped out the bowl of defeat, and opened the blinds to the bright light of winning.
Tyrone Willingham’s Huskies, bucking my advice on hiring washouts, are off to their best start since 2003 at 3-1. Of course, Willingham is in his element: a Pac-10 team that would consider a 6-5 season a rousing success. Quarterback Isaiah Stanback is the wheel horse, completing nearly 57% of his passes, with six touchdowns and only two interceptions. Stanback is also the team’s second-leading rusher. Washington has played decently against quality competition- their loss was a respectable 37-20 defeat at Oklahoma, and they have beaten Fresno State and UCLA back-to-back.
While Arizona is off to its best start since 2002, Mike Stoops’s Wildcats haven’t looked all that impressive so far, with uninspired victories over BYU and Stephen F. Austin, a 45-3 burial at LSU, and what may be their best effort so far… a 20-3 home loss to USC. The Wildcats are averaging just 12.5 points per game and scored a combined six points in the losses to LSU and USC. Stoops’s defense has performed reasonably well, but his 108th-ranked offense has not.
Wack Predicto: Washington 20, Arizona 13. Arizona is the only Pac-10 school never to make it to the Rose Bowl. I’ll go out on a limb and opine the Wildcats won’t get to Pasadena this year either.
Rutgers (4-0) at South Florida (3-1)- When Greg Schiano was hired to coach Rutgers in 2000; he didn’t make being merely competitive his goal, even though the Scarlet Knights were at the time one of the worst programs in America. He actually made a National Championship the stated goal at a program that was in the middle of a 25-game in-conference losing streak.
Cut to six years later. Coming off their first winning season since 1992 and their first bowl appearance since 1978, the Scarlet Knights are off to their first 4-0 record since 1980. Unlike other coaches who turned around struggling programs with gimmick offenses, Schiano has done it the old-fashioned way, putting together a basic attack featuring the backfield of fireplug halfback Ray Rice and multi-faceted fullback Brian Leonard, an excellent tight end in Clark Harris, and a big, powerful offensive line. Never mind the fact that they’ve played North Carolina, Illinois, Ohio, and Howard. This is a good team. And if Schiano ignores the sweet nothings that will be coming his way out of Coral Gables, Florida, this off-season, under his tutelage, Rutgers- Rutgers- will become a powerhouse. Hell, he’s already gotten through the hard part.
South Florida, in its fifth season in I-A, went to the Meineke Bowl last year, and got off to a 3-0 start before losing 13-7 at Kansas a week ago. Bulls freshman quarterback Matt Grothe has generated 73% of his team’s offense with his arm and feet and either ran or passed on 50 of USF’s 63 plays from scrimmage in the Kansas game. He even punted once against the Jayhawks. Spreading the ball out is for losers- or at least, teams with more than one effective playmaker.
Wack Predicto: Rutgers 24, South Florida 17. I’d be inclined to give USF a home-field advantage on a Friday Night, but the vast, empty spaces of Raymond James Stadium will negate it to a degree.
Houston (4-0) at Miami (Fl.) (0-2)- The Cougars will play Miami for the first time since September 12, 1991. That was a much-hyped Thursday Night game: SI coverboy David Klinger and the Run ‘n Shoot head-to-head the mighty Hurricanes. That was when Houston specialized in running up the score against hopelessly overmatched opponents (95-21 over SMU, 84-21 over Eastern Washington, etc.). As a matter of fact, the Cougs swaggered into the Orange Bowl fresh from a 73-3 pasting of Louisiana Tech. For the first and last time, the Miami Hurricanes were more likable than their opponent.
Gino Torretta, Jessie Armistead, Michael Barrow and the rest of Miami’s Ruthless Posse brought Armageddon to the Cougars. They physically battered David Klingler, destroyed Houston’s undersized receivers, muscled its defense and, frankly, taught the Cougars a lesson in domination. 40-10. When Illinois beat the Cougars 51-10 the next week, the jig was up. And you really haven’t heard much from the Houston Cougars since.
Now, 15 years, lots of losses, and several NCAA rules violations later, Houston is back in the Orange Bowl, with an opportunity for some payback on behalf of Klingler, John Brown the Third, and the rest of those long-ago Cougars. While Houston and coach Art Briles are sitting pretty at 4-0, the best start since 1990, the ‘Canes are 1-2, their worst start since 1997, and their coach has the remaining career life-span of that Pope who got poisoned. Against Florida State and Louisville, Miami- the alma mater of McGahee, Highsmith, and Cleveland Gary- rushed for 66 yards on 55 carries. In their last three games against I-A opponents, the ‘Canes are 0-3 and have been outscored 84-20. The offense problems have officially become chronic in Coral Gables.
Houston’s senior quarterback Kevin Kolb has been almost perfect so far, completing nearly 70% of his passes for 12 touchdowns and just one interception. Just in case you’re ready to assume these impressive numbers were racked up against inferior competition, well… you should. Houston’s first three wins were over Rice, Tulane, and Grambling. But Kolb did throw for 313 yards and four touchdowns to lead a second-half comeback against Oklahoma State, and he has 67 touchdown passes as opposed to only 28 picks in his career at Houston.
If the Hurricanes lose this game, and fall to 1-3, will Larry Coker be fired on Monday?
Wack Predicto: Miami 24, Houston 7. Come on, Miami will beat the Cougs in the Orange Bowl. I mean, they’re Miami, right? Right? Hello?
“Never Would Have Allowed Herbie off the set in Columbus, let alone bringing in a Michigan guy to take his place.”
ESPN Gameday comes to Columbus. So, it’s assumed Kirk Herbstreit, the former highly touted turned underachieving Buckeye quarterback, will be in the booth because it’s Columbus and well, that is his job. Nope. He was in East Lansing, alongside Musberger and Bob Davie in a three-man crew assigned to the ND-Sparty clash. Taking Herbie’s place alongside Chris and the Coach is Cleveland native traitor and Michigan Heisman winner Desmond Howard, who, before last year’s tOSU-Texas game, sang Hail To The Victors from the very top of the Horseshow with Nick Lachey (?). Corso and 4th-Pick Desmond proceeded to heap scorn on Ohio State’s muddy, flawed, yet decisive victory. You’d have thought Ohio State had beaten someone other than the defending conference champion and a ranked team (albeit one with a very shaky freshman quarterback and an elderly coach with a misery in his bowels). Corso at one point opined that there was “no true #1” in the country. Desmond Howard agreed, as he should have.
Of course, if USC were ranked #1, the subject would have never come up.
I’m not going to go burn a couch over it or nothing, but it is kind of fun to ponder the means and ways of ESPN’s ways and means. Why hustle him off the scene when Gameday is in Columbus, of all places? It isn’t like Herbie is some kind of egregious Buckeye homer, but still… did the replacement have to be 4th-Pick Desmond? It’s suspicious. It’s like Herbie was “X” from JFK, and right as he was packing for C-Bus General Y over at the Worldwide Leader called him in and said, “You’re going to the South Pole.” Herbie: “I am?”
By the way, that punt return of Desmond’s, in 1991? Where he did the pose? It came when Michigan was up 24-3, in the fourth quarter. It meant nothing to the outcome of the game. Oh, and he wasn’t even close on the pose. Heisman Guy has both feet on the ground. So there.
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Akron (2-2) at Kent State (2-2)- When Antonio Gates spends two years on your campus and doesn’t take a single snap, that’s how you know you’ve got a fifth-rate program. That’s Kent State for you. 
Akron was I-AA until the mid-80s, playing in the Ohio Valley Conference with schools like Murray State and Austin Peay. Then, around 1987 or so, they fired longtime coach Jim Dennison, hired Gerry Faust, fresh off his defenestrating at Notre Dame, and proclaimed themselves a major independent. There was talk of Akron joining the MAC, but the Zips didn’t want to lower themselves so. They thought they were going to be the next Miami, or at least the next Louisville. They remained… Akron. After several years of being bukkaked by opponents as an independent, they decided hey, maybe the MAC wasn’t such a bad league to join after all. Once in, the Zips settled quietly toward the bottom of the conference standings and stayed there. Other than Jason Taylor, they were never anything remotely special. Akron even lost to Kent every now and again.
Washington (3-1) at Arizona (2-2)- For the past several years, like stoners passing the bubbler back and forth, the Washington Huskies and the Arizona Wildcats have chilled together in the dark basement of the Pac 10 Conference. Once these were mighty powers; Steve Emtmann, Billy Joe Hobart and the undefeated 1991 Huskies; Rob Waldrop, Tedy Bruschi, and Arizona’s Desert Swarm defense. But that was back in the day, man (cough).
Rutgers (4-0) at South Florida (3-1)- When Greg Schiano was hired to coach Rutgers in 2000; he didn’t make being merely competitive his goal, even though the Scarlet Knights were at the time one of the worst programs in America. He actually made a National Championship the stated goal at a program that was in the middle of a 25-game in-conference losing streak.
Houston (4-0) at Miami (Fl.) (0-2)- The Cougars will play Miami for the first time since September 12, 1991. That was a much-hyped Thursday Night game: SI coverboy David Klinger and the Run ‘n Shoot head-to-head the mighty Hurricanes. That was when Houston specialized in running up the score against hopelessly overmatched opponents (95-21 over SMU, 84-21 over Eastern Washington, etc.). As a matter of fact, the Cougs swaggered into the Orange Bowl fresh from a 73-3 pasting of Louisiana Tech. For the first and last time, the Miami Hurricanes were more likable than their opponent. 
“Never Would Have Allowed Herbie off the set in Columbus, let alone bringing in a Michigan guy to take his place.”
ponder the means and ways of ESPN’s ways and means. Why hustle him off the scene when Gameday is in Columbus, of all places? It isn’t like Herbie is some kind of egregious Buckeye homer, but still… did the replacement have to be 4th-Pick Desmond? It’s suspicious. It’s like Herbie was “X” from JFK, and right as he was packing for C-Bus General Y over at the Worldwide Leader called him in and said, “You’re going to the South Pole.” Herbie: “I am?”
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