Use the form at the right to log in for more options.
Guzzling Goodness
German porn saved my life.
Thank God for German porn. I mean it. Without German porn I would be a flaccid shell of the man I am today, and I'm not exaggerating one bit when I say that.
Until the fateful day when I saw those two glistening Arian beauties taking Hans' full seven inches I can honestly say I wasn't sure there was love for me in the world. It was as if my sexual wants and needs would forever go unfulfilled.
I think it was somewhere in the middle of Der Geiserfuken 6 that I really felt at home.
A character named Gunter had just pulled out of some white-haired woman's ass when I noticed a brushstroke of feces across her freckled back. It was as if famed German artist Tomma Abts herself had swiped a brilliant splash of brown across the lady's torso, when in fact it was merely part of their pre-determined act.
Still, I felt liberated by the structured yet unbridled expression of love between animals, or die tierliebe, as lustful, raging Germans like to call it.
Speaking of which, without German porn not only would I have been eternally shamed by my strange love, I would never have known it possible to for such things to be expressed between a man, a man, another man, two women and a bold, beautiful stallion.
For years I watched vanilla porn, limp dick in hand just praying that some force would come and liberate whatever unexpressed needs were boiling over inside. I needed to be freed from captivity by some hero similar to Klaus in Die Alte Sau, where he plays a First World War-era solider fucking his way through the hot French trenches armed only with an eight-inch erection and some chocolate spread.
Ya!
He must have speared half of France, and a decent part of Belgium too.
And he speared my heart in the process, because before I found German porn my life was little more than the undersized carpet pools of semen I could muster at the sight of another Jenna Haze movie.
It was a sad state of affairs. There I was with no job, no lover, no prospects, stacks of porn and a poorly fashioned necktie noose hanging from the shower bar for when I got really adventurous. But it was all bullshit, all I really needed to see was some serious Germans fucking.
We've all seen Boogie Nights, but this was no longer some lame Hollywood fantasy. We're talking about a country where there are literally thousands of guys named Dirk, and their dicks aren't enhanced by special effects.
You've also got the morbidly obese sausage-based films, war-themed orgies where every bodily fluid serves as a weapon and entire videos of girls in beer chug-a-thons that end with guzzling of a very different fashion.
And now people are starting to catch on. Just look at the amazingly popular site YouPorn. There is more hot German action on that page than a Bavarian bathhouse and it dominates the otherwise pathetic landscape of blurry anal films and hummers recorded on camcorders or camera phones, all to my unending glee.
There's just something so splendidly structured about the German people. Their stern and meticulous nature not only lends itself to disciplined soccer sides, but also some of the most vigorous and robust gapers a folded-in-half 18-year-old has ever enjoyed.
And the end result is that I am a man again. Armed with the unending highlight reel of sloppy Schizer action perpetrated by some of Deutschland's most committed, I've blossomed with new confidence and the knowledge that I'm not alone in this world, just very into German pornography.
Having a life's focus makes all the difference, and what better to focus on than a man shitting on a woman's chest.
but, I gave it 5 solely based on the first pic that I have admired for the last 15 minutes. After I sober up I will read the article and give response. I hope that is not soon.
Posts: 1123 Rank: 9 Joined:
3/13/2007
Location:
My Cubicle, CO
Posted: 7/10/2007 10:36:43 AM
Check out the chicks arm, that is not a beefy appendage. She is probably really wirey and will still manhandle you, but I dont think many would object.
Also I have been meaning to tell you this, there is a severe lack of honkey jokes on this talkback. In the future it would be appreciated it if you would please include a random sampling in your posts from now on. That is all.
Use the form at the right to log in for more options.
