Billy’s feuds with The Boss may have cost him his job with the Yankees, but they did little to stress the growth on his upper lip. Unfortunately, Billy couldn’t control his whip and he and his mustache were lost in a car accident... R.I.P.      

Cito sports the Canadian brand of porn ‘stache. It’s just there, it’s polite, it won’t hurt you, and it’s very clean, but behind closed doors, look out bitches! It’s Gaston Time!

Kennedy is awaiting a subpoena from Congress to testify on steroids and how they may or may not have played a role in the grooming of his mustache. Our sources indicate that Kevin has a powerful, but clean mustache.

He rocks (literally)!  Dude looks like a mental patient who escaped form a facility on the first nice day of spring and set up shop on a bench in Central Park.  Mazzone sure knows something about pitching… and porn ‘staches.

Ladies and gentlemen… Bruce Bochy’s mustache!

Hernandez is best known and most widely recognized for his porn mustache. It wasn’t the singles and walks that landed him on Seinfeld… it was the TV savvy ‘stache. Spitting conspiracies be damned! Hernandez did not ‘act’ alone.

New job managing the Mets… same ol’ porn ‘stache. Willie knows his meal ticket. It’s not about the money, it’s a mad dash to trim the ‘stache and Willie’s got the wheels to be a winner. Where’s Steve Sax… show your homie some love, and get him a job too.

Let me get this straight… his first name is Dickie, and he has that mustache to boot!  Perfect.  Speaking of boots, Thon muffed his fair share of ground balls as a journeyman middle infielder, but on this squad his mustache is an all-star.

Schmiddy’s coif and mustache look so good, it almost makes you want to cry.  Apparently he felt the same way during his Hall of Fame induction speech, when he bawled like a fat girl with no date to the prom.  Stand up to piss. For Christ’s sake, Mike, you’re embarrassing yourself.

There is a reason King Kong was always Jim Thome's favorite player... his raw power and tape measure home runs? Nope, killer porn mustache.

‘Mr October’? Try ‘Mr. Porn ‘Stache October’, ‘cause with lip fur like that Mr. Jackson looks good in any season. 

Check out the Hawk’s curl!  It’s absolutely glistening, dripping almost.  “Just let your soul glow…”  They should have let Andre be the only major leaguer to not have to wear a hat in the field.  One word of advice: get that mustache greased up too, ‘and let your soul glow...’

Fifteen major league seasons. Career batting average of .236. Never played more than one hundred and fourteen games in a season...but there is nothing 'utility' about that 'stache. While Kurt often rode the pine, his porn mustache came to play every night.

That mullet and that moustache self contained on one man.  ‘Big Unit’ for redneck president!  Take away his left arm and his height and you can see Randy filming himself bangin’ trailer park chicks and selling them out of the back of the neighborhood bait shop.  

Dammit is Jack Morris handsome.  Just look at him.  He once made the mistake of going clean shaven… he retired shortly there after, but just looking at Jack Morris with a mustache makes you want to douse yourself in Stetson cologne, dress him up in leather chaps,  and pull up a chair along side him at the Blue Oyster.   

Whether he’s starting, or closing games, Smoltz is at his happiest when he sports his porn ‘stache; although when he encouraged super fan lil’ Luther to express himself via a mustache, he hardly expected the young boy to don the Hitler.

El Presidente should have been nicknamed El Bigote with that perfect patch of hair on his upper lip.  If they ever make a movie about Martinez, Edward James Olmos (who’s a dead ringer to play him) is going to have a tough time growing out a ‘stache with such clarity and vigor.

Frankie V. was definitely the Luigi of major league baseball.  He was lean and lanky just like Mario’s less famous brother. Chances are his curveball couldn’t snake a drain, but those beautiful whiskers probably could. 

Feel the burn… Eck sure is in this picture. It takes discipline and a lot of facial workouts to keep a premium porn ‘stache in shape. Coincidentally, family members confirm Dennis also looks like this when he is taking a mean shit

“I’m Rod Beck. I live in a trailer. I drink beer. I have a porn ‘stache. Fuck you!”

He was born with a porn name and he has the second most famous mustache of all time (next to the Hitler of course). It’s rare for a dude to get a perm. Rollie said ‘fuck that’ and got his mustache permed.

The Ass Maker is one tough customer. Looking at that mustache, this is one lefty you don’t want to see coming out of the pen. He also was in the majors for four or five hundred years. Near the end of his career, a tired and weary Ass Man sported his ‘someone please kill me now’ mojo while toeing the rubber for the Tribe.

The 'Goose' threw gas, but it is the heat from his mustache that landed him in our bully. His 'stache is so fierce it reminds some of a past love of 'Hulk-a-Mania.'

Magnum is the perfect candidate to throw out the first pitch for this team.  Hell, he could even bring Higgins and T.C. too… all three put the ‘porn’ in porn mustache.

Dr. King represents everything that is right and proper about having a porn mustache. “Whatever come… what may… In porn ‘staches we pray... amen.”

Doby may be too old to take the field, but he’s never too old to tickle the ivories. A true crowd pleaser, Doby puts the funk back into the seventh inning stretch. Buy me some peanuts and Cracker Jacks… Hell no! Got me some Hennessy, is you smokin’ crack?… Now that’s more like it.

A few Mexican gardeners (sans green cards) would probably get the job done here, but who knows more about a good mustache and grounds keeping than a man currently working as fertilizer... unfortunately, Mr. Oates lost his life battling a brain tumor. R.I.P.