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Stay down you bitch.
I am not a big guy, nor am I much of a fighter. But there isn’t a doubt in my mind that I could beat Vince Carter’s punk ass in a street fight. I’d put the odds at 22-1 in my favor. I’d give Carter a puncher’s chance just because he is an exceptional athlete, but I have the distinct suspicion that he hits like 6-year-old girl.
The former Miss Canada definitely has some physical advantages on paper, but we all know that street fights don’t happen on paper. They happen in the basements of bars, the freezers at meat-packing plants, and sometimes even on a street. At least I think so. I’ve never been in a real street fight, so I am basing this on movies I’ve seen. Regardless, Half-Man-Half-Baby would get his shit handed to him if he ran into me in any of the aforementioned locations.
Admittedly Carter is a physical specimen. But I was an all-state athlete in high school for two years! So what if it was in diving? I'd bet Carter would piss himself standing on a 30 foot platform. More importantly I have some heart. Carter, who admitted to dogging it in Toronto earlier this year, is the only guy in the NBA who will hit the court shrieking in pain and clutching his ankle or knee only to return a few minutes later showing no effects of his "injury."
Let’s look at the tale of the tape:
So let's set it up. We can get some sponsors- Win A Free iPod and ING Direct seems to love advertising here. I am ready.
Nice article Charlie. Love The Punch-out graphic. Listen to your trainer: move like a butterfly, then sting like a bee.
truecraig
Charlie's NOT Sorry
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Post #: 3
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Posted: 5/4/2005 12:17:58 PM
This needed to be said. Again. And again. And yet, again.
But Charlie took the Glass Joe effects into it. My, oh my. That's beyond sweet. I got $20 on DeMarco, and those aren't Canuck bucks either. Word.
Jus
I got 5 on it!
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Posted: 5/4/2005 1:38:34 PM
I'm gonna put my money on Vince. Not because I think he'll win, but because everyone loves an underdog. At 22-1 I could make some serious loot if he slips on his own tears and falls on you with an elbow by accident and wins.
z-man
VININJURY!
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Posted: 5/4/2005 1:40:44 PM
Charlie, not that I'm disagreeing with any of this but "Half-Man, Half-Injured" played pretty damn well when he got traded to NJ. Infact, I even saw signs of heart displayed in a couple of games down the play-off stretch (no shit!) Give him credit, "Half-Man, Half-Playing Hard" did carry his team right passed the Cavaliers down the stretch.
Moodie
Well done
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Posted: 5/4/2005 1:49:38 PM
That's some funny shit. One thing you overlook, though, is that Vince Carter's reach extends even beyond 84" because he could swing his purse at you. That friggin' pansy.
Billy
Just remember....
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Posted: 5/4/2005 2:33:54 PM
to hit the select button repeatedly between rounds to regain your stamina. You're going to need it chasing down Vince while he's running away from you like a little girl.
The Snowman
Better than Bradley
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Posted: 5/4/2005 2:37:51 PM
Okay Carter is a puss, but in a street fight, he could most definately whip the piss out of Shawn Bradley. The only thing Bradley can be competitive in is a peter eating contest.
Charlie
Justin you Asshole
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Posted: 5/4/2005 3:05:32 PM
You would bet against me wouldn't you? An while it may be true that people do like the underdog, only an asshole would root for The Vince Carter, as Jesse so dubbed him.
Just an FYI to the readers: Appending someone's name with "The" is the most vicious insult possible. Don't believe me? Try it out on one of your friends.
Dave
Giving Credit Where it's Due
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Posted: 5/4/2005 3:12:32 PM
Airese "Shawn" Bradley would win most height contests. Just saying.
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