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(continued) 4. A Microscope
You're kid is not a fucking scientist. He's either going to start murdering animals so he can look at their corpses at 1000X, or he going put the microscope in the closet forever. On the off chance he really gets into the microscope, he'll need it to look at the minuscule chance of getting laid before he turns 25.
What the fuck is a timeout? When a kid is bad you whoop his punk ass. It's worked for a million years. I'm no child psychologist, but all I need to do is look at spoiled, entitled morons who grew up in this generation of timeouts to know that shit don't work. Kids need to learn that the consequence to being a pain in the ass is a pain in the ass.
2. Cash
I just wanted an excuse to use this clip. That kid cracks me up.
1. Heroin
Once you do heroin, it's pretty much all downhill from there. Kids should really have that to look forward to later in life.
Posts: 1166 Rank: 9 Joined:
3/13/2007
Location:
My Cubicle, CO
Posted: 8/2/2007 10:17:37 AM
But you seem to have ommitted balloons. Whats wrong with balloons you ask? Imagine a very small very, annoying child constantly bouncing a ball up in the air in front of you, having the balloon bounced repeatedly of your body, and hearing the sound of fingers being scraped across a balloon for hours on end. Balloons are the devils plaything. Dont believe me? Next time you go to someones house who has children take a bag of balloons. If you can make it more than 20 minutes without grabbing one of the balloons out of the air and popping it right in front of the kids face before you lose your mind you are a stronger man than I am.
Posts: 2115 Rank: 5 Joined:
2/27/2007
Location:
Ventura, CA
Posted: 8/2/2007 10:24:35 AM
Any toy that makes loud electronic sounds. Just like TMAN's balloon annoyance, the repetative mantra of Buzz Lightyear proclaiming his motto "To infinity and BEYOND" for an entire afternoon is enough to make you go all Chris Benoit on your little sperm spawn.
so I like to torture those stupid enough to have kids by getting the kids the most obnoxious toy possible. My all time favorites include, a casio keyboard - to a six year old, who merely put on the background tempo and mashed keys; the "bop it" - if you don't know what this is you're lucky; and most recently the dance pad things for dance dance revolution, so my sister can be annoyed in her own living room without the trouble of traveling to an arcade.
A child will make anything, no matter how innoucuous it seems, so annoying that you want to throw it out the window (child, toy or both).
Posts: 1542 Rank: 6 Joined:
12/7/2006
Location:
New York, NY
Posted: 8/2/2007 2:47:54 PM
Sadly, I now what that is.
That German kid was amazing,
The worst gift to give: A really nice car. Giving a 16-year-old a really nice car is like giving $200 to a crakhead. It'll be gone within a week and it won't be used for what it should be used for. He's going to drink in it, smoke in it, fuck in it, run over trash cans and leaf piles in it and tehn probably crash it. This is in-fucking-evitable, so your better off if it doesn't happen with a nice car. If yo know the kid's goiung to fuck it up why don't yo get him a Volvo stationwagon and not the BMW M3, ok? Greeeaaattt.
Posts: 1375 Rank: 10 Joined:
12/7/2006
Location:
savannah, GA
Posted: 8/2/2007 7:11:09 PM
ze germans are obviously in early preparation for another try at worldwide stardom. do your part to start saving Jews now- boycott sourkraut and bukkake porn.
Posts: 1 Rank: 388 Joined:
8/8/2007
Location:
Boston, MA
Posted: 8/8/2007 5:47:02 AM
The two types of toys that I find annoying as hell are anything Dora-related and Elmo-related. Here's my solution to teen pregnancy - force the kids in the sex-ed classes to listen to a recording of a kid chanting the same five words to the Dora (or Elmo) theme song over and over (because that's all they can remember) for a couple of hours.
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