I know what youre thinking; how can an average-sized person possibly date a midget. Well Im here to tell you its just as good, if not better, then dating a regular sized girl. Its about time people checked their prejudices at the door and learned to love the exceptionally vertically challenged.
We originally met at a friends bachelor party that she was hired for. Ill never forget that magical moment when our eyes met as she was being tossed in the air like a pop fly. As I waited for her to land, I racked my brains trying to figure out what I could say to try and smooth-talk her. From that moment on, I knew she had to be mine.
I got my chance later on in the night during bowling. It was my last turn and I needed a spare for a win. As I got ready to throw her toward the pins, she glanced up and gave me a wink that took my breath away. After I picked up a 7-10 split for victory, I went over, scooped her up, and gave her a piggyback ride in appreciation for helping me get the victory. We have been magically in love ever since.
We can go on dates just like any other normal couple. Bike rides are always fun, even more so since I got her a Big Wheel last year for Christmas. She just loves driving it for hours and hours, especially going around in circles or down hills and then pulling the hand brake up. Usually this can tire out her tiny little respiratory system, so I attached a basket to the front of my bike so she can ride Toto in Wizard of Oz-style to rest and give her miniscule lungs a break. Next year Im getting a motorcycle with a sidecar attached to it, so she can put on a scarf and goggles and be my mini co-pilot.
Movies are another cheap date for us, since she either gets in for the kid price, or if money is really tight, I wear my Inspector Gadget trench coat and hide her in one of the pockets. Even golf is a good option, more so for us since people under three feet play for free at the local putt-putt course. She can even keep score since the smaller pencil fits so perfectly in her stubby little fingers. Another added bonus to her miniscule mitts is that when she's holding on with both hands, I look like I have a huge, monster cock. Nothing boosts a man's ego more than a handjob from a midget.
Shake those stubs
Even something simple, like going out for drinks, can be an interesting experience. As you can imagine, her tolerance is a lot lower than most, so it doesnt take much for her to get a serious buzz on. After two thimbles of vodka, she is a guarantee to be dancing on tables, which is usually fun until people start throwing change at her.
Dinner out can be a bit embarrassing at times, especially when the restaurant runs out of booster seats, so once in a while we have to go low-key and end up at McDonalds. This never dampens her spirits though, since that means she can burn off all the calories by playing in the ball bins after finishing her meal.
The sport of champions
Youd think intimacy would be a difficult ordeal for us, but if anything it only makes it more festive. There is nothing she likes more than riding my mule like its her own personal Sit 'n Spin, and sometimes, if I try real hard, I can blow my load just strong enough to launch her a few feet in the air.
Now, thats not to say we havent run into any problems. We tried 69-ing one time, but that didnt work out so well since her mouth ended up only reaching the midway point of my ribcage. Unfortunately, we learned teabagging is out of the question also, since both my nuts at once in her mouth ends up suffocating her. Try giving that explanation to a doctor at the emergency room when they ask why she lost consciousness. Tt never seems to go over very well.
Well, there you have it, the story of me and my 34 inches of love. Im always looking for new ideas on where to take my midget goddess for a good time, so if you have any other date suggestions, feel free to leave them below.
What was Posted: 3/3/2006by: loiwo Your score in bowling?? Atlas Posted: 3/2/2006by: DaveB As far as midget renting goes, I found this site a while ago.
www.rentamidget.com Teabaggin' Posted: 3/2/2006by: sylvioso I really wanna try that now. midgets! Posted: 3/2/2006by: BW Great article,brings back memories of the time a got a handy from a midget behind 7-11. When she wrapped those digits that looked like cocktail weiners around my junk it was magical. Then when I shot it looked like the Stay Puffed Marshmellow scene in Ghostbusters. "Shoart" Posted: 3/2/2006by: Tom A spit-take. Milton Posted: 3/2/2006by: Joe Kickass That is fucking hysterical. I have a bud's bachelor party coming and we are definitely doing that.
Funny shit Mike. Midget humor never fails. frikkin sweet Posted: 3/2/2006by: crap between this and the "on my tip" article, what the hell is going on? Is it "one joke per column" day or what? If your midget has a flat head... Posted: 3/2/2006by: dan-o You can use her to rest your beer on while you sit on the couch and watch television. She's the perfect coaster! Bachelor Parties Posted: 3/2/2006by: The GZA I've attended a BP with a midget stripper, kind of disturbing. She was the opening act for the "real" girls. She would literally climb on guys to give them a lap dance. I'm pretty sure no one enjoyed it though since she was actually standing on your lap and compressing your junk with her tiny feet. Um, not that I got one or anything... but my friends said it was uncomfortable. Yeah, that's it my friends said it was uncomfortable. Atlas Posted: 3/2/2006by: Milton Im not sure you can rent the females for bachelor parties but the funniest thing I ever saw was a bachelor group waling down the Vegas strip with a midget in front of them singing the Rocky anthem. Non-stop, everywhere they went he was there shadowboxing and singing.
I had tears. Not sure what they spent for that but it was money well spent.
