Ive heard people say that the trailers are their favorite part of the movie-going experience. I say those people are going to the wrong movies, but I do empathize. Far too often, the reality of 90 minutes fails to live up to the promise shown in two.
Truth be told, making a good movie is damned hard. Making an exciting/funny/intriguing two-minute trailer is much easier. Who could have predicted after watching the trailer for The Day After Tomorrow that the movie wasnt going to break every box office record on its way to changing the way people thought about global warming? I mean, Dennis Quaid was in it, and the Hollywood sign was hit by a tornado. If I have to forget everything I know about science to see Jake Gyllenhaal fight against nature, wolves and a Russian cargo ship so he can be reunited with his father, then so be it. It was from the minds that brought you Godzilla for Christs sake. Cha-Ching!
Anyway, after tallying the votes from our 50 Horrible Movie Pitches feature last month, we were left with the daunting task of trying to make great trailers for some of the worst movie ideas ever conceived. Over the next several weeks, we will be offering to you the fruits of that wasted effort.
Each of five different teams of Phat Phree Staffers will bring their unique takes on the top five, and if you are really unlucky, we may even see two or three additional trailers based on some of our favorite ideas that didnt crack the top five.
Kicking things off is the number one idea based on your votes- a little movie called, Deaf, Dumb & Stupid. It is the story of three handicapped men who discover that there are terrorists living in their assisted living group home. Our heroes do what any red-blooded patriot would: They set off on a cross-country trip in a stolen handicapped van to warn the President.
DEAF, DUMB AND STUPID Watch Now! A deaf guy and two retards uncover a terrorist cell posing as handicapped men living in their group home. They are all that stand between America and certain annihilation. Two men listen. One man thinks.
TIME FOR A FIX Watch Now! A homeless junkie discovers a dumpster that sends him back to his 8th birthday- the day his life took a turn for the worse. With a second, third, fourth, and fifth chance at fixing his life, he still ends up strung out and homeless.Will this guy ever get it right?
THE HO-LYMPICS Watch Now! Two struggling pimps try to jump start their business and return pimpin to its 70s glory by launching the first ever International Holympic Games. Hos from all over the world come to compete, but will the pimps plan backfire as their stable of hos cant seem to medal in any events? They're all gold medal cocksmiths.
KEEP THE CHANGE Watch Now! The night before his sex change operation, a gay devout Christian, Kelly, prays to God one last time to make him attracted to women. When his prayer falls on deaf ears, he goes through with the operation. But in the recovery room Kelly realizes that God has granted her wish... Too bad that means she's still gay! Fucked in the butt by God.
FUGETABOUTIT Watch Now! A mob boss suffers from amnesia after an attempt on his life and cannot remember which people are his friends and which are his enemies. He Fuggotaboutit!
Awesome Posted: 7/19/2006by: Tony totally horrible, totally the point. this trailer definately rules. Charlie, BRAVO!! Posted: 5/23/2006by: Provo That was fuckin' hysterical.......
DUDE!!! I am pissed I am just seeing it now...I was cracking up at the animation alone and, might I add, GREAT casting!!
I just saw it now at work and watched it twice in a row. I dont have speakers at work, thats why I watched it twice. Once, I just sat here cracking up at the animation and casting. The second, I made up my own lines....AWESOME!! I am actually looking forward to getting home and watching this with your voiceovers and anticipating the rest of the trailers...
Well done PHAT PHREE, Well done..... Back to MAX Posted: 5/22/2006by: Ugh Charlie, well done on cranking this piece of shit out. This sucked ass. Nothing funny at all! You need to get back to what you are good at...running this site and sucking Tucker Max off. You suck! Pretty Funny Posted: 5/22/2006by: Tom A and damn good. Voices, animation, concept - niiiiiiiice.
I liked how the bowling ball in Fallon's crotch didn't even faze him.
[I know this is a gimme, but I'm taking it anyway]:
You could eliminate Williams or Fallon since they go to see the Pres. SUCKED Posted: 5/22/2006by: NAYSAYER This was fucking terrible. Serioulsy, I think this was one of the most unfunny things I have seen here. Before everyone gives me shit, I understand that it was supposed to be stupid.....that alone doesn't make something funny.
Christine, you must be kidding. This was really the funniest thing you have ever seen? You really are just a dumb whore. confused Posted: 5/22/2006by: c why can the deaf guy hear everything? thumbs down Posted: 5/19/2006by: Danny South Park called, they want their comic back. Listen to the news. Posted: 5/18/2006by: Victor French Max. Yes, I am flattered to be included in this first trailer. But did you notice what I am doing in my brief scene? That's right. Once again playing chauffeur to that fuckin' leather-faced pompous-bitch angel. All these kids have cancer??? I don't give a FUCK! I had fuckin' cancer of the lungs too. But I shook it off like a man. And for the record, this A's cap reeks like a fuckin' sumo wrestler's ass-towel. God fuckin' Dammit! all these kids have cancer Posted: 5/17/2006by: Max I knew that VF was an actor, but I had no idea that his whole persona came from one role. Wow.
Great job guys. Will you tell us which contributors worked on which trailers? YUM Posted: 5/17/2006by: Elisha French fries!! French fries!!
