Last seen following the conclusion of Game Three of the 2004 American League Championship Series, the cocky Yankee fan has returned. And in my opinion, it couldn't have happened sooner.
Other than watching a few cheaters lie under oath to Congress, the 2005 baseball season has been mundane at best. On any given night, the most excitement a baseball fan could hope to find was surfing MLB's TV package, pausing their clicker on the Phillies game and guessing how many "E-A-G-L-E-S, EAGLES!" chants they'd hear before the commercial break.
A Yankees fan lacking his usual swell of confidence and bravado is more uncomfortable to witness than any female comedian's standup routine. All you want to do is slink quietly out of the room, feverishly attempt to get your skin to stop crawling, and forget the moment ever happened. While female comedians are not, cocky Yankees fans are indeed a necessary evil. Even further, they're a key component to keeping America's pastime great. Why? Because aggravating fan bases generate passion and excitement for OPPOSING teams. This is how rivalries ferment, then prosper.
As their overpaid team of aging dislikables has miraculously managed to elevate themselves into both the Wild Card and Divisional races, the pep in the Yankees fan's step has returned. Dusting themselves off from the historical humiliation suffered last year at the hands of the (former) perennial bridesmaid, the Boston Red Sox, was a yeoman task indeed. But with reinvigorated and pronounced accents throughout the five boroughs, born-again Yankees fans everywhere can be heard boasting:
"I sawr dis comin' baby. Neva gave up. It's owr time again! Da new dynasty fuckin' stoartz now!"
The philosophical fellow that I am, I gots to thinking. More than any team in any city, the New York Yankees are their fans' fifth appendage. Sixth appendage if you happen to be a guy-Yankees fan. The team is an extension of their being, and as the Yankees go, so go their fans.
It's a well-known fact that sports franchises have a direct effect on the morale of the city which they represent. But this effect only lasts so long. And in places such as California and Florida, reputed for baseball fan apathy, it's muted at best. But New York in this case is an outlier, a theoretical anomaly so to speak.
The Yankees are New Yorkers' everything because they have to be. The Mets are laughable. The Jets and Jints are Jersey's teams. The Knicks will remain horrifying as long as Isaiah's pulling the strings and as for the Rangers... what's hockey?
The level of discontent in any urban population, as measured by crime rates, can be attributed to a variety of factors. These include the performance of the financial and/or real estate markets, the economy of that region, and its government. Those wielding an abacus or an HP-12C will argue until the tape holding their glasses together gives way to pulsing temples that crime rates are historically tied to the factors just mentioned. But as any good nerd will eventually concede, there's an exception to every rule. And New York happens to be one of those exceptions.
Wall Street was booming in the 1980s, sending the real estate market skyrocketing. Did crime rates cooperate and regress as they should have? Hardly. The Big Apple's reputation for crime and disorder was still very much a part of any New Yorker's life in the 1980s. There was racial tension, rampant homelessness, runaway drug proliferation and murders were occurring so frequently that there was a chalk shortage at the NYPD.
City planners were baffled, but in retrospect, the root of it all is so simple: With the exception of a pennant in 1981, the Yankees sucked in the '80s.
On the contrary, New York City thrived in the late 90s. "Thanks to Rudy Guiliani," most will say. Wrong. The Yankees were dominating at the time. And for those who argue that the City's dark days in the 70s, despite the Yankees winning the World Series in '77 and '78, completely disprove this theory, I've got two "H" words for you:
1. Hippies
2. Hallucinogenics.
The '70s was our country's dark decade (just edging out the Sixties in a tiebreaker run-off, thanks to disco's popularity). The United States lost its way during this time period and as such, practical application of any theory such as the one described herein has been rendered impossible.
So what's going to happen in the coming weeks? Unfortunately for these now cocky New Yorkers, your renewed bliss will be short lived. A loss in the World Series in 2003 followed by a humiliating loss in the ALCS in 2004 translates into a demoralizing end to the 2005 regular season in Boston.
Welcome to the new paradigm.
Personally, I can live with some renewed Big Apple poverty, strife and even a little pestilence if necessary. Can you? "Seee yaaaaa!!!"
Pantsman, off a bit Posted: 10/13/2005by: Mike The 2003 Yankees outspent the Marlins by 104 million dollars. Oops. My bad, you said championships the Yankees actually won. Sorry. Well... Posted: 10/9/2005by: RudeNasty Define "the Yankees sucked in the 80's." Why, lack of playoff appearances? The Yanks in the 80's were like the Braves in the 90's. Best winning percentage in the regular season during the decade, and never had shit to show for it. Go check for yourself if you don't believe me. They had only two seasons with a sub-.500 record in that span, and most likely would have made the playoffs if that silly Wild Card had been implemented 15 years beforehand. Only difference betwen 80's Yanks and 90's Braves is that the Braves keep winning the division and falling asleep in the postseason. Red Sox fans take note: my Yankee hats aren't brand new, you fucking bandwagon jumpers. See you in 2090! Jim still wants head from guy Yankee fans Posted: 9/23/2005by: Pantsman Home Grown players from Boston:
1 - Trot Nixon
Home Grown starters' for the Yankees:
1. Jeter (yes he is a GG shortstop developed in the farm system Jim, you know nothing) 2. Posada 3. Rivera 4. Wang 5. Cano 6. Bernie Williams
You fuck my wife Jim??? here I am thinkng you're a flaming homo, wanting Yankee fans to give you head.
Boston outspent the Cardinals by what? 50 million dollars? Show me one championship the Yankees won with that sort of disparagy? Never happened. the 1998 Yankees are probably the 3rd best team in baseball history, and were not the highest payrol, the Orioles werel. Bostonis the highest payroll to win a WS, they outspent their NL opponent by 50 million. Pot calling the kettle black you angry little man...
Keep holding onto your hate Jim, it'll eat you up from the inside and kill you young. The world will be a better place I'm sure... Thank you... Posted: 9/23/2005by: Truth ...Leo. Well said.
Why do you have to hate a team just because they win? If teams were really that pissed about the Yankees winning so much, they'd take a lesson from one of the most successful franchises in sports history and do a bit of the same for their own teams. Boston finally woke up and it won them a series. And don't kid yourself - there isn't a city in the country that wouldn't spend the money if they had it.
Now, shut up and go ride your shitty bicycle, Jim. Jim Posted: 9/23/2005by: Leo Luxury tax...spend it wisely. The Yankees pay every team in the fucking league and still have the means to field a good team. Why? Because they know how to spend the money. When the Boss listens to his baseball people, they make good deals. They also wait for other teams to fuck up before they go after someone. Example: All Oakland needed to keep Giambi was a no trade clause, which they wouldnt give him, so he bolted. A-Rod: Boston could have coughed up 2 million more to sign him, and didnt. Matsui: Only wanted to play for the Yankees, no one else. Jeter, Posada, Williams, Rivera: All products of the Yankee system. Lieter, Embree, Sturtze: Released by their teams and no one wanted them. Chacon: Rockies had him on the block. And he wasn't exactly sought after. Small: No one, including the Yankess, thought he was ever going to do anything. Johnson: Traded for him because he wanted to come to the Bronx. The Yanks couldnt make the trade by themselves, blame Arizona, too. Sheff, Pavano, Wright, Mussina: Free agents. And they're not exactly working out. Who is your team, anyway? To Leo and Pantsman Posted: 9/23/2005by: Jim Ok... How many gold glove shortstops to the Yankees have. 2
I guess they really developed them though right? With all that hard work they put in their Farm teams and all.
Say all you want but everyone knows the Yankee's are a bought team. Keep cheering on your all-star team fellas.
Also enjoy fucking your wife. I know I do. Jim Posted: 9/23/2005by: Leo Jim is just pissed because he grew up poor. Our nice new bike comes with a World Series trophy. The Yanks pay the other teams in the league a luxury tax and everyone complains. But, those same teams spend the money on stadium renovations and trivial crap instead of player development, which was what it was intended for. So, if your team sucks and "can't compete," blame your owner, not the Yankees. Who Cares Posted: 9/22/2005by: Stu P Fuck baseball. The players are all crying pussies and judging by the comments so are most of its fans. Thank god football seaosn is here. JIM WANTS HEAD FROM YANKEE FANS!!!! Posted: 9/22/2005by: Pantsman Jim why do you keep asking Yankee fans to "suck your dick"? That's pretty gay... Most Yankee fans are guys, and I wouldn't take head from a guy. But then again I'm not a whining little homo like you.
What do you Yankee haters' memorize pamphlets like Jehova's Witnesses. My God you all spew the same non-sense...
And how is "get fucked" an insult, get fucked???? Maybe I'll fuck my wife tonight, don't mind if I do. Maybe she'll ride me, and I'll get fucked...
