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Feed me the Rock!
We all know our fair share of High School Harry’s that’ll tell anyone who will listen he could’ve gone pro in this sport or that. And while driving a car is something everyone over the age of 16 does everyday, it doesn’t mean everyone has the ability to be a NASCAR driver. However, there are definitely some positions in the world of sports that the average fast-food employee could step into and no one would be the wiser. I present to you, the top ten easiest jobs in sports:
10.) WNBA player
This probably does take some skill, but if nobody’s watching, who cares? Fact: change nothing about the WNBA except substituting attractive females, with no basketball ability, for the post-ops they’re currently trotting out there, and ratings would go up 1,000%. If I want to watch a bull dyke sweat for an hour, I’ll wait for the Rosie O’Donnell sex tape.
9.) Shannon Sharpe’s CBS studio partners
Most ex-player analysts only hurt themselves by the stupid, obvious shit they spew every week (see: Joe Theisman); Mr. Sharpe, on the other hand, elevates everyone around him with his unintelligible drivel. Mushmouth delivers a cringe worthy performance week in and week out, making “Boomer” Esiason and “laces out” Marino look like Presidential candidates.
8.) Iditarod Racer.
Granted, if you’re from anywhere south of the Mason-Dixon line, you might have a tough time with this one but I guarantee you could have a ‘who can sit in this meat freezer the longest’ competition and the same guy is going to win both. I’m just saying, it seems like a lot of unnecessary travel and canine abuse.
7.) Jockey
These little freaks of nature would have you believe that they whisper sweet nothings into the horse’s ear to make it run faster. Give me the same horse, an average sized 8-year old with a whip, a roll of duct tape, and that weird-looking animal is running just as fast. (A horse walks into a bar; bartender says: “why the long face?”)
6.) Soccer team doctor
God doesn't throw interceptions, Brett
As witnessed by the World Cup and numerous articles since then, there’s no soccer injury a can of aerosol spray can’t fix. So, not only are all European athletes complete pussies, apparently if you have a functional index finger you’re eligible for a PhD over there.
5.) Wide Receivers Coach.
“Jesus Christ, Johnson, I told you to catch the ball! Why didn’t you catch the ball? Again!”
4.) Brett Favre
What’s so difficult about throwing five interceptions every Sunday and getting your dick sucked by everyone you meet?
3.) 3rd Base Coach.
Job Requirements: Depth perception, and ability to do “the windmill”.
2.) PGA Caddie.
Yeah, definitely go for a hole in one
I’m going to go out on a limb here and say that Tiger’s got a pretty good idea of what club to use in any situation. “Okay Tiger, you’re going to want to hit the ball as close to the hole as possible- preferably in it”. For that little nugget, this bag mule gets to collect 10% of whatever the seven-figure purse is that day. If this guy could swing a club, he’d be unstoppable.
1.) GM of the Yankees.
“New York is a pressure cooker”. “The fans and media are ruthless”. Cry me a river, you fat fucking baby. As far as I can tell, if you know how to read, you are fully qualified to be the General Manager of the New York Yankees. You have an unlimited supply of money to work with, and you don’t have to worry about depleting your minor league system of prospects, because every other major league team is your minor league system. Here’s what happens every November: Steinbrenner’s talking dildo sits down with a stat sheet listing the league’s top performers in every category, and if they’re not already on the team, he offers whatever amount of money it takes for them to move to Manhattan. That’s it. Thank God it’s football season.
about the 3rd base coach... "depth perseption and the ability to do the windmill"
UK REPRESENTATIVE
EURO PUSSIES?!?!?
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Posted: 9/6/2006 4:16:47 AM
Listen up septic tank, if euro athletes are such pussies how come Lennox Lewis owned Evander Holyfield and Mike Tyson. How come you play American "Football" in big fucking protective body pads, while we play rugby with no protection whatsoever. Get some perspective you dumb cuntpig. Europeans are stupid? At least we had the good sense not to vote a fucking anal blemish like Bush into office. Oh. and by the way its Football, not Soccer you ignorant cunt. The sport in which you get owned by such superpowers as Iran, Korea, Ghana etc. Fucking Yankee losers, all brawn no finesse. And Magic Johnson is an aids ridden faggot. Biyatch!!
Lord Chiswick
Euros are Pussies
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Posted: 9/6/2006 4:59:34 AM
Indeed, Europeans are pussies. As the UK representer proves only so well by molesting modern American slang.
Face it, the UK is now a colony of the US, your Blair is giving Bush an anal tongue bath as we speak.
UK REPRESENTATIVE
fuck your sister Gaylord
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Posted: 9/6/2006 5:10:24 AM
How have i molested your slang gaylord? Considering you speak "English" the mother tongue of "England" perhaps that must make you pussy too, right? Dumb fucking mayonaisse sandwhich eating, cousin fucking, stock car racing numb nuts. I fucked an American girl once, (not you sister, she's heinous) and it was too easy to get the panties!! All you do is pretend to have the same demeanour as Hugh Grant or Orlando Bloom and they're on the dick quicker than an American soldier can abuse a prisoner of war. Fucking hoe bags, and yes i am talking about your sister. Fair comment on Blair though, the guy is a fucking lapdog. I'm not saying he should die but a very vicious beating would make me happy.
deuce
uk rep.
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Posted: 9/6/2006 6:51:14 AM
fick dich selber. (german for "go fuck yourself") of course, you would probably already know that if it wasn't for the US.
yes the US is losing its athletic prowess in the olympics, "world baseball", "world basketball" & "ryder cup" - but who gives a shit, really. where do the euro patsies come to play when they want to prove themselves? the MLB, NFL, PGA, & NBA. why? that's where the money is. why? that's where the BEST play. your euro leagues will always be training camp. live with it. only exception? soccer. but who cares, soccer is lame.
dammit. article was legit. PGA caddie description, pic, & caption were top shelf. nice job.
Bored
football
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Posted: 9/6/2006 6:56:38 AM
Actually americans play football with big fucking protective body pads because in the 1930's FDR made it a law to wear pads because too many people were dying from massive head trauma while playing the game.
UK REPRESENTATIVE
Pussies, Eastern Europeans and Friendly Fire
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Posted: 9/6/2006 7:59:25 AM
Well if you Yanks weren't such pussies the FDR wouldn't have to pass laws to save your lame asses. Watch some rugby buddy, same game just faster flowing with no protection whatsoever (Except a cup, but i'm sure we all agree that acceptable!!). Which in my eyes make the Europeans, and the boys from the southern hemisphere that play the game much tougher. I'll bet you your mothers food stamps and welfare cheque that Andrew Sheridan and Lawrence Dallaglio would give any of your Gridiron pussies a run for their money. All your American sportsman are rapists and woman beaters anyway, REAL MEN i'm sure. How narcissicist can a sporting country be when they name their baseball tournament, "The World Series", surely that should entail teams from around the world competing, fucking idiots. Also I'm pretty sure your boys got schooled by some eastern europeans at basketball at the olympics, am i right? So you just keep concentrating on your shit sports that only America plays such as baseball and American Football, no wonder your better than the europeans, no-one hardly plays that shit. The sad thing is our Britsh ladies play a form of basketball called Netball, look it up you'd be surprised, It'd be funny to see Kobe in a pleated skirt the little bitch, he's got a girls name anyway. Soccer or Football as we call it (NOTE:- we use our feet to kick the ball) is a game of finnesse and accuracy, so judging how your air force and army drop bombs and fire rifles at the wrong targets, they are qualities you exiled Brits do not have. Fuck America!!!
J-Dub
AWESOME!!
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Posted: 9/6/2006 8:04:15 AM
My only complaint, if you want to call it a complaint, is that #10 - The WNBA - should have made itself to the top 3. That was freaking awesome.
Well Done!
N
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Posted: 9/6/2006 8:39:16 AM
Hey limey...
a) We play rugby here too, there's just no real national league for it like the other sports. I play in a rugby league here myself, and there are many others across the country.
2) It's called the world series because we invented the fucking sport and it was named the "World Series" in the 19th century long before baseball took off worldwide. Also, in case you haven't noticed, all of the best players from around the world, including Japan, play here. (I'm so sick of you Euro fucks complaining about the term World Series, I hear it ALL THE TIME, learn the fucking history)
c) Basketball is a bitch sport, and Kobe is in fact a bitch. But the bitches that play basketball here are still twice the men your footballers are.
And way to throw in prisoner abuse earler. Although it's kind of hypocritical since your boys did the same thing in Basra.
UK REPRESENTATIVE
Prisoner Abuse
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Posted: 9/6/2006 9:14:49 AM
Our boys were convicted of no such things. The newspaper that printed the pictures of British Soldiers attacking prisoners came out and admitted the pictures were fakes. The editor of the paper (The Daily Mirror) was promptly dismissed. I know most of the goings on in the was as I serve in the Royal Air Force, so i'm not saying that our armed forces don't take part in any "Prisoner Brutality", its just were not as fucking dumb to film it and take pictures of it. Baseball sucks ass. Full of steroid freaks like Barry Bonds, and your telling me that can be classed as a sport when this is not frowned upon, what a fucking joke. Sport should be competitive, not be dominated by juice junkies. oh and by the way, England Kicked the USA's ass by like 70 points last time we played them. And not at that pussy Rugby League version, I'm talking Rugby Union, know the difference?
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