Ive been out here in Hollywood for four months now, and although Ive made over twenty TV show pitches to all of the major networks, I haven't sold a single idea. Why? Because the fucking Jew-Homos that run this town are conspiring to shut me out of the business.
Now, before Jesse Jackson and everyone at the National Jew-Homo Association gets all pissy, let me state clearly for the record: I know theyre not ALL Jew-Homos. Some of them are Jew-Bitches, and some are Chink-Homos. But regardless of what color turban they wear when they sit down and eat their spaghetti macaroni, the point is that they only care about one thing oil and pussy. And they chase after that sacred cow with such blind ambition that theyre unable to recognize true creative genius even when its right in front of their fjord-swimming noses.
Case in point my reality show Canoeing With The Retarded. I put together a three-page treatment for that show (in REALLY neat handwriting) and dropped it off at the front desk of CBS Television on November 8, 2005. But as of November 10 (when my cell phone got turned off), I hadnt heard shit. Nor have they sent any kind of correspondence to the P.O. box in New Jersey that I share with my brothers money-laundering business.
What the fuck, you fucking Jew-Homos?? You gonna try and tell me that Canoeing With the Retarded wouldnt have beaten the snot out of American Idol in the ratings? Please. I know you were just too scared of losing ad revenue from the all-powerful canoe industry. Well, last time I checked, this was a democracy, assholes!
One's retarded, one's not. Genius!
And whats up with those rice-farting Jew-Homos at ABC? I gave them first dibs on my smart, sexy medical drama Hospital Building, but they couldnt even be bothered to sign me to a three-year $37 million production and merchandising deal. I guess the fact that the first episode was about a lesbian who died of BLACK plague made them a little, shall we say, uncomforting. Guess that might not sit too well with their corporate puppet-masters back in Libya.
And then theres VH1. Theyve had a lot of success with I Love the 80s and all those top 100 list shows, so I figured they wouldve jumped at the chance to make The Top 1500 Gay Pornos of the Mid-1980s. I mean, Id already compiled the entire list and picked out the best clips, so all they had to do was call up Debbie Gibson and that guy who used to be on that sitcom to lay down some witty-ass commentary and we wouldve been printing money. But when I made my slide show presentation, the bitch at the front desk was all, Sir, please put your pants back on.
Listen, sister, I wasnt born yesterday you think I dont know that VH1 wants to steal my idea, make millions of dollars, and funnel it all to Ralph Reed and the Sandinistas? Oh, I know and the whole worlds gonna know when I get Michael Moore to make a diorama about it.
You picked the wrong gringo to fuck with this time, Jew-Homos!!!
By the way, if anyone reading this is interested in producing any of the shows mentioned above, or would like to hear about my other show ideas When Animals Get Raped (reality special), When Animals Rape (sitcom), and The Cop Who Plays By His Own Rules (variety show) please sky-write your contact information over the Carl's Jr. in Tarzana between 4 pm and midnight Monday through Thursday and Ill get in touch.
As a Jew Posted: 2/22/2006by: Josh I think I WOULD like to produce your shows. The only twist I would have would be having the animals rape Z-List celebrities. Max Headroom taking it from an anteater would be HOT! thumbs not up Posted: 2/21/2006by: ACS You tried too hard. Could've been better. RE: Dr. Broom Posted: 2/14/2006by: Theresa Walton Get back to work or I will ravage you when I get back. Dr. Broom Posted: 2/14/2006by: Dr. Broom There is so much truth to this article I wouldn't be surprised if it was on CNN tomorrow. Bus Driver Posted: 2/14/2006by: Johnson Ya Nick, you're a pole smokining fag Re: Rice Farting Posted: 2/13/2006by: laughed so hard i pissed myself How is this only rated at 3.7? This was the funniest thing I have read on this site in months. I also "only care about one thing oil and pussy." Hey! Posted: 2/13/2006by: Charlie I think Nick meant that since he has white guilt for slavery making fun of black people is worse.
Regardless, the only people who should be offended by this article are retards... Come on Rob! Retards are people, not just full-time clowns. thanks for the laugh Posted: 2/13/2006by: steelfoot I needed a break from the Super Bowl thread, this was hilarious. But apparently one person here doesn't recognize satire. It's a JOKE Nick, he's making fun of people who actually talk like that.
Although I must say, "Canoeing with Retards" sounds better than 90% of what's on t.v. now. Question for Nick Posted: 2/13/2006by: Epipen Nick:
In all seriousness, why would substituting "black people" for Jew-Homos make it any worse? Joe Posted: 2/13/2006by: Christine Maybe we could get angry bass instead. And we should make the retards were alarms on their vests cause you know how retards hate loud noises and they are always holding their ears and stuff. We will make each of their alrams go off every ten minutes and they will go nuts and hold their ears. this will cause them to drop their oars. What follows next will just be the essence of comedy as the team of tarts struggle for survival.
