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Undisputed vs. Undefeated!
This fight very well may be the most important boxing event this year. Not because this is going to be some huge fight or even half the crowd pleaser that recent fights like Gatti vs. Ward and Trinidad vs. Mayorga have been, but because this bout will determine whether or not there is any good boxing left to watch in the lower weight classes, while the heavyweight division develops a new batch of champions.
Like a starfish regrows a severed arm, the heavyweight division will flourish again. Building stars in any sports is difficult, but it is especially hard in the world of boxing. You can't fight nobodys and expect anyone to take notice (Joe Calzaghe- Who the fuck is Joe Calzaghe, you ask? Exactly.), and you can't dominate too many quality opponents (Floyd Mayweather) or no one will want to fight you. To quote my boy Renton from Trainspotting: "It's a tight rope, Spud. A fucking tight rope."
In the meantime, the burden of "big fights" falls to the smaller men. But for my money, the middleweight boxers have always shouldered the weight of the boxing world. First of all, the fighters in these weight classes move up and down to challenge established fighters from other classes. But the bigger reason is pretty obvious: they throw punches! Arms move. Torsos duck. Jabs matter. And occasionally a body hits the canvas harder than Ted Kennedy hits the sauce. Light and middleweight undercard fights used to just outshine their heavier featured bout on pay-per-view; but in recent years these fighters have turned into a huge PPV business of their own (thanks Oscar). Middleweight fighters now have more PPVs than anything this side of softcore porn.
But now that’s all being threatened by one man, Bernard “I'm Meaner Than an Enron Pension Plan” Hopkins. If Benard Hopkins wins the easy 7th-round KO over Jermain Taylor that I predict he will, then the middleweight divisions will almost grind to halt. There won’t be a fight left that will be worth more than an undercard on "Boxing After Dark", or worse yet, "Sunday Night Fights". All we can do now is hope some smart promoter came up with enough scratch to get Hopkins to take one for team- Yeah, I said it. But it probably won't go down like that.
We all know deep down that boxing can be as fake as "Monday Night Raw" from time-to-time. I mean shit, nothing will convince me that Oscar De La Hoya didn't take a dive against Hopkins for a pay day, but I just don’t think anyone could ever convince boxing’s geriatric gorilla to do anything thing but demolish whatever is put in his path. Getting Hopkins to lay down would be like trying to convince a grizzly not to maul the 12-year-old kid who has been taunting him all day with a turkey leg. It just defies the natural order.
So here are my official predictions. The fight is stopped in the seventh round when Hopkins hits Taylor so hard that people who aren’t even watching the fight wince. Taylor walks to the wrong corner and asks, “Why doesth id fweel like mi jawwa ainton mi fwace nomo?” To which Hopkins' corner replies, “Because it is lying over there in the neutral corner, kid." Hopkins then politely returns Taylor's lower mandible and raises his gloves in victory.
What The Fuck Did I Get Myself In To?
-Here are some fun tips for the degenerate gamblers like me to keep things exciting and minimize expenditures on fight night.-
1. Before you even bet, make sure you don’t pay for shit! If you’re going to the actual fight like me, just sit at the roulette table and hedge your bets long enough to catch the pit boss's eye. Then ask him for comp tickets while you slide him a piece of paper that has Sharon Stone's phone number on it. Of course you will have gotten your sister to leave an outgoing message on your machine saying “Sharon’s not home, leave a message.” This usually gets me 13th or 14th row seats for free. Try it sometime, it really works!
2. If you are staying at home, make sure you are the one who orders the pay-per-view. Tell all your buddies that it’ll only cost them 50 bucks a piece and you’ll even throw in the beer! This will help offset whatever bets you lay online, or at least help pay off your losses from PartyPoker.com that you left on your girlfriend’s credit card. You will of course only buy a 30-pack of Keystone Light for $9.99 and then make whatever guy forgot to pay you or showed up last go get more out of his pocket fo ruining everyone’s good time.
I'm A Bad Mutha Fucka!
3. Find sports books that will put a line or anything. I’d love to bet the over/under on how long Michael Buffer’s “rummmmmbbllllllllllllle” will last. I’d set the line at seven seconds. Or how about the over/under on how many prepositions are used at the end of sentences in the post-fight interviews. This is sure to keep the evening exciting from start to finish, even if the fight sucks.
4. Also, if you’re at home be sure to keep track of that shit fuck Harold Lederman’s scorecard. It is a fairly accurate way to gauge what is going on. Just check his card and reverse what ever he is saying, then you’ll know exactly how the judges are really scoring the fight, though scorecards will probably not matter come Saturday night in Vegas.
The smart money says bet the under, and bet Hopkins wins with a TKO or KO. So enjoy this fight! It may be the last good one you see for a while.
Taylor is a bonifide bad ass. He could really surprise you. Good luck getting in to the fight. I have a couple of friends going and they paid 450 for nosebleed seats. I'll be very impressed if anyone who isn't a high roller from Japan can get comped for this thing. It will be a good ass fight!
J-Rock
True
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Posted: 7/15/2005 6:27:40 AM
Hopkins is a monster! That weight class is totally dead as long as he is standing. Somebody is going to have to take him out on the street with a lead pipe before anyone else can rise to the top. I bet he's got 4 more years left in him!
tom
Next in Line Tour
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Posted: 7/15/2005 10:29:54 AM
Hopkins said he is retiring on his 40th birthday (or 41st not sure which one is coming up) which is next February...he said he is fighting three more fights (this one included)...he is calling it the "Next In LIne" tour...Taylor can definitely win the fight if he keeps punching and doesnt let Hopkins take his patented rest periods during rounds...i have Hopkins in the 10th but the 7th is a real stretch
MEH
Wow...
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Posted: 7/15/2005 10:36:35 AM
Didn't know there were boxing afficianados around here. Well written piece, and nice to see some discussion.
Jesse L.
Nice
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Posted: 7/15/2005 11:46:46 AM
Damn good piece, Justin. I agree with MEH- it's nice to see the afficianadoes of the fight game step up and deliver. As for me, I don't know a lot about boxing, but I do know that Hopkins is maybe the biggest badass on the planet, and he doesn't seem to be slowing down with age. Bernard in the 8th.
Matty K
Taylor
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Posted: 7/15/2005 1:37:42 PM
With 3 minute rounds, if Taylor can consistently make Hopkins work deep into the rounds, it may not be close.
Hopkins has about 3 gears. Early gear, middle round gear where he feels out his opponent, then his championship gear in later rounds where he is REAL good. If Taylor can come in with his jab and get to Hopkins body in the middle rounds, he can offset that third gear and take Hopkins late.
I expect this one to go all 12, or end in the 10-12.
This fight atleast goes 8 or 9. If any earlier, it's a Taylor win.
Jus
It's all about 3rd gear
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Posted: 7/15/2005 3:46:32 PM
My 7th round prediction is based on the third gear that Matty mentioned. I just really believe that Hopkins will step into it early and that Taylor really won't know what hit him when it comes. That is mostly based on hearing that Hopkins has been training to start pulling out his "bob and bomb" thing earlier in his fights so that he can make it to being an old man without getting hit too much. Getting hit is the other big factor here. Taylor has had 20 wins but that was based on his good combinations and steady ring movement. It wasn't based on his chin surviving the fight. Regardless of the mild abuse he has taken in the past, I believe he has no chin and will get seriously pounded in the lower face tomorrow. So thats where my 7th round prediction came from. Would have put it in the piece, but hey, it's a comedy site and I didn't want to get too serious.
BB
Dropped like a bad habit
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Posted: 7/15/2005 5:04:34 PM
Goodbye JR and thanks for showing up. Taylor just doesnt have enough to beat Grandpa Hopkins but this will be great experience if he can take it into the later rounds. I am afraid Justin is right and we will have to wait for some good heavy weights to emerge for some decent boxing. Otherwise we will keep getting the lower level boxers who promoters realize are evenly matched to beat the shit out of each other for 10 rounds. I hope the starfish comment is correct because I miss the classic matches of old. BTW anyone who can defend their title 20 times deserves some respect and Hopkins will go down as an elite boxer. Too bad that Roy Jones bout took a bit of steam out of that train.
clont
Boring fight
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Posted: 7/15/2005 5:29:21 PM
Hopkins, by lame, slow, boring ass JD. There is no other way this fight will end since B Hop is fighting to not lose. There is no way he will do anything risky, like get in range of Bad Intentions, who is way to green to be fighting nard.
Did you miss Corrales v. Castillo?
Best fight since Gatti/Ward 1. Nothing else is close, trinidad mayorga might nbe, but that was too one sided and Ricardo hasn't a fucking clue on how to box.
Jus
Not Quite
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Posted: 7/15/2005 5:44:58 PM
I don't think Hopkins is fighting not to lose, in fact I think you'll see Hopkins actually be a little more risky because he isn't thinking about a loss. He is thinking about going out in a blaze of glory. Remember, Hopkins ain't the sharpest knife in the drawer and I think he wants to dominate even more before he hangs it up. He just that fucking mean.
I did miss Corrales v. Castillo, I only read about it. Didn't even get to see highlights, which is why I did not mention it. If it was that good maybe I'll try to get a tape of it from someone.
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