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Damn You, Laga. Damn You To Hell.
My name is Alex Fritz. I grew up in Peoria, Illinois. On the East Side Bluffs, to be more specific. On West Corrington Avenue, to be downright correct. That's right, brah, I was born and raised in the 309. Representing. Always.
Because of the powers that be (who happen to be racist), Peoria was never blessed with a Major League Baseball team. Since P-Town is conveniently located between Chicago and St. Louis, young men like me have two options: 1.) Grow up a Chicago Cubs fan, or 2.) Grow up as a St. Louis Cardinals fan (3.) Grow up a Chicago White Sox fan, was optioned only to guys whose mothers were currently sleeping with their uncles in their grandfather's mobile home. That demographic did not include me).
At the age of 5, I chose 2.), and for the last twenty years I have been as die hard of a Cardinals fan as there are. I have spent twenty years worshipping the likes of Gregg Jefferies, Tom Brunansky, Ray Lankford, and other schmucks. I have seen my team blow 3-to-1 series leads in the playoffs time and time again. We worshipped a 'roided out slugger named Mark and fell hard for a coked-up pitcher named Ricky Ankiel and his puppy dog eyes, only to see him throw more wild pitches in a four-game span than Ricky Vaughn (pre-horn-rimmed glasses.)
And for the last 19 of my 20 die hard years, I have heard tall tales about a young man named Mike Laga
For those of you who have never heard the legend, here goes:
The year was 1986. A young nation learned how to grieve after the tragedy of losing the Space Shuttle Challenger. "Perfect Strangers" made its debut on ABC, starting a Mypos-tinged pop culture explosion which (unfortunately) quickly fizzled out. Bon Jovi made us look deeper inside of ourselves then we ever had before. Perhaps, in fact, we actually did give love a bad name.
And on September 15, 1986, Mike Laga of the St. Louis Cardinals became the first, and to this date the only, baseball player to hit a ball literally out of Busch Stadium. Although the ball was foul, Laga still received a standing ovation from the crowd, thus beginning a love affair between Cardinals fans and standing ovations which continues to this day (Last Friday, my buddy Dave gave David Eckstein a standing-o for "having a decent at-bat.")
This is a great story that's passed along amongst generations of Cardinals fans. A story about a marginal-at-best baseball player with limited power (the man hit 19 home runs in nine seasons) who once mustered together all his strength and in his one shining moment, hit a ball out of the cavernous ashtray that is Busch Stadium.
I have only one problem with this story: I have never met, nor spoke with, any human being who remembers seeing Laga's accomplishment first-hand. Nobody seems to have any footage of the at-bat.
I want proof that this once happened.
I NEED proof that it happened.
Hours of scouring the Internet in hopes of finding video, a picture, ANYTHING which could definitively offer me proof that Mike Laga once did the impossible have been in vain, instead leaving me with a lower credit score and a chafed penis. But no proof.
Rather, I run into brainwashed Cardinals fans who sit around bars like Paddy O's and Al Hrabosky's, raising their 24-ounce cans of Budweisers to the sky and praising Mike Laga as if he was Bill Brasky ("TO MIKE LAGA!!! HE ONCE HIT A BASEBALL OUT OF BUSCH STADIUM!!! TO MIKE LAGA!!! HE ONCE SWAM ACROSS THE MISSISSIPPI RIVER WITH A KEG OF BEER TIED TO HIS GENTITALS!!! MIKE LAGA!!! HIS POOP IS USED AS CURRENCY IN ARGENTINA!!!")
To these people I say "Don't be so naive. And you can't pee there. And, no, I don't think the beer girl wants to 'eff' you."
I'm sorry, Mr. Laga. I am not usually the skeptic among the bunch, but I simply don't believe it.
My buddy Josh theorized that "Maybe Laga was the one who started this rumor, and no one has ever been able to prove otherwise." Maybe so, Josh. Maybe so.
1986: THE salad year.
As the Cardinals play out the remainder of their final season at the soon-to-be imploded Busch Stadium, sentiment and ardor are at an all-time peak. And that's saying something. Fuck, Scott Cooper used to get standing ovations for putting the donut on the right end of his bat while he was in the on-deck circle.
It seems as if everywhere I turn people are discussing their favorite Busch Stadium memories. And every time, right near the top of that list, sits Mr. Mike Laga, hitting a ball clear out of Busch, whether they actually saw it or not.
I opened up this morning's St. Louis Post Dispatch to find a Mike Laga poster on the back page of the Sports section. Conveniently enough, there is not a picture of the ball actually leaving the stadium, but a picture of Laga's "reaction" after he hit it.
Real responsible journalism, Post Dispatch. Instead of spending the money and manpower to find out exactly what happened that September night (Perhaps there was a momentary change in gravity that science could explain? Was David Copperfield in attendance that night and feeling more illusion-y then usual?) the Post just throws in a Laga poster, celebrating what I believe could never have happened.
My fascination with Mike Laga is beginning to ruin my life. Most of my waking hours are now spent thinking about him. I've created a scale model of Busch Stadium and have been working on geometric equations hoping to prove that it is truly impossible to hit a ball out of the stadium. My girlfriend left me last Monday night, after I screamed "LAGA!" when I orgasmed and demanded that she did the same.
Damn you, Laga. Damn you to hell.
Hopefully my skepticism will help me redeem myself. The way I see this whole thing going down, is at the final regular season game at Busch Stadium, Mike Laga will walk out to the pitcher's mound to throw the ceremonial first pitch.
On the Jumbo-Tron in right field, a grainy video from September 1986 will begin to air. The crowd will see a young Mike Laga at bat... he swings at the first pitch... and it's a long foul ball! The fans get worked up into a fever pitch, readying themselves to give Mike Laga a standing ovation for a foul ball he hit 19 years earlier.
On the Jumbo-Tron the ball rises higher and higher... the video suddenly cuts off.
Five seconds of silence have passed.
"Technical difficulties", everyone in attendance assumes.
Wrong, Busch Stadium.
Dead wrong.
Suddenly appearing on the Jumbo-Tron, it's everyone's arch-nemesis. The man who made me stop wearing mesh hats. Ashton Fucking Kutcher.
Nice hat...dork
That's right, Busch Stadium, Mike Laga never hit a ball out of the stadium.
Funny article. I've always been pissed off at Willie Stargell for hitting not one, BUT TWO home runs out of Dodger Stadium. It's even more insane since in 43 years of the stadium, it's only been done 3 times(4 if you count Mark McGwire....nah), twice by Stargell and once by Piazza. I know he's a HOFer but it's not like there's been a lack of HOF hitters in the National League in the last 43 years. 3 times and twice by one player? God, what an asshole.
Bill Brasky
Thanks
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Posted: 9/15/2005 9:36:22 AM
Thanks for the compliments Fritzy, I appreciate it.
Captain Dipshit
Tiger Stadium
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Posted: 9/15/2005 10:13:01 AM
I remember a story about someone hitting a ball out of Old Tiger Stadium. anyone remember who it was?
sigh
This story
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Posted: 9/15/2005 10:32:21 AM
i remember it...i was only 9 at the time, but i remember either watching the game that this happened or seeing it on a highlight show or something....who was the other team? pitcher? if it was the mets, then i definitely saw it....
Alan Trammel
re: Tiger Stadium
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Posted: 9/15/2005 10:54:35 AM
Rob Deer?
Tigerfan
Cecil Fielder
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Posted: 9/15/2005 11:01:01 AM
Cecil Fielder hit more than one on the roof of tiger stadium but I think the homerun you are talking about was in an all-star game. I think it was reggie and the ball was rumored to roll across Trumbull Ave.
Alex
RE: Tiger Stadium
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Posted: 9/15/2005 11:03:25 AM
I believe Reggie Jackson hit a ball onto the roof during the '71 All Star game and I'm pretty sure Mantle hit one out of the stadium in '56. And yes, I watch completely too much sports.
Also, Laga's foul ball was "hit" (I'm still not convinced it really happened) against the Mets. Me thinks Ron Darling was pitching.
ERIC
Mantle
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Posted: 9/15/2005 11:13:48 AM
His shot at the old Yankee stadium hit the facade (the upper portion of the outer wall of the stadium) but did not go out. Still a legendary shot though
Mike S
Awesome
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Posted: 9/15/2005 11:17:19 AM
This article is awesome. I really enjoyed it. If youre girlfriend is going to leave you for that... you didn't need her...
deuce
harbor park
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Posted: 9/15/2005 11:50:05 AM
i watched ryan klesko put one into the elizabeth river while playing for richmond (trip-A) againts the Tides
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