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Hey! Hey guys! Hey! Over here! Hi. Okay, so we know what you guys are thinking, but I’m afraid we’ve got some bad news for you....
We are not going to kiss each other!
No way. So just get that dirty little thought right out of your heads, you perverts. We know that no one has even suggested that we kiss each other yet, but we’re sure it’s just a matter of time. After all, it’s every guy’s dream to watch two girls making out. Right? Of course it is. Just the thought of it is probably getting you all turned on and making you want us. Right? Is it?
Well regardless, it ain’t gonna happen. Because we are not those kind of girls. So you guys might as well just shove off.
Wait! Where are you going!? Hold on! Let’s talk about this! Come back!
Okay. Good. Sorry for yelling. Now, we are well aware that we are not the most attractive girls at this party. Not by a long shot. I myself am by no means a basket of cherries and Sharon here is a 4 at best. But I would imagine that the thought of the two of us making out hardcore with each other is enough to help you overcome those inarguable facts and want to hang around us, right?
Sure it is. Well we are very sorry to disappoint you, you dirty birds, but it’s not going to happen. Even though you probably really want it to. Because we have reputations to uphold and we’re not that drunk yet.
Wait! Don’t leave! Yes we are! We’re wasted! Hey!
Our Excuse.
Welcome back. All right, you guys win. We’ll kiss. But if we do this, and oh my God I can’t believe we are actually considering this, can you Sharon? If we do this, it will just be a quick little kiss and that’s it. Closed mouth. No funny business. Because after all, we’re not shameless whores. Deal?
Come back! We’re whores! Huge whores! It’ll be sloppy and uncomfortably long! Look at us! Please! We’ll do it! We will!
All right. Now, I just want to remind you that as we have established we may not be the prettiest girls here, but we are the ones that are willing to disgrace ourselves for your pleasure. I mean, do you think you could ever get those more attractive females to deep throat kiss each other for twenty minutes straight in order to win your collective drunken approval? I think not! Because they don’t have to. We, on the other hand, are clinging to this desperate tool with all of our might. Because we really need your attention.
You see, I’m from a broken home. My father was distant and never around, so I crave male acceptance and companionship. And Sharon used to get felt up by her stepdad. So there it is.
Okay, we’re going to do it. But I was thinking that maybe you guys could give us your phone numbers before we kiss this time. The only reason I suggest that is because we find that a lot of times, once we are done kissing, guys just leave and don’t talk to us any more. My guess is that even though they might be temporarily aroused and intrigued by our lack of inhibition, they are inevitably repulsed by us as people and don’t want to make us a part of their actual lives.
No? You guys don’t like that plan? No phone numbers? Just kiss? Okay. We can do that. Here goes.....
Mmmmmm...... We can taste each others’ insecurities.........
Okay. So what did you guys think? Pretty hot, huh? Do you want to buy us dinners and let us meet you families now? Anyone? No?
Wait! Don’t leave! We have tattoos in weird places! We could show them to you! Come back!
Although you have a penis and are therefore immune to violently and wildly hyperbolic criticism, simply for the sake of joining in on the surprise gang-bang, I must say that this submission is pretty weak. It is not altogether devoid of merit, mind, just simply a bit weak. No worries. Billy Budd sucked ass, yet Moby Dick established Melville's reputation. Yeah. You'll survive as is the precident. Revel in your cock for it shall protect thee from all harm.
Jeff
para-lezzies
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Post #: 4
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Posted: 1/11/2006 6:56:16 AM
I swear there are girls on MySpace who claim "bisexual" status because they do this shit with their bestest friends. Good article.
deuce
keen observation
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Posted: 1/11/2006 7:05:14 AM
well done, mike.
Koniver
Classic line
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Posted: 1/11/2006 7:45:03 AM
We can taste each others’ insecurities
That line alone is worth the whole article. Overall very funny, I think you have reached the level where people are going to trash you just to be cool and say they are not following the herd. Congratulations on reaching that status.
Dr. Shaft
Very Nice
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Posted: 1/11/2006 8:33:32 AM
"Come Back! We're whores! Huge whores!"
Earned an actual chuckle.
Brenda Della Casa
Yuck
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Posted: 1/11/2006 10:17:18 AM
There is nothing more grotesque than watching people act like show monkeys just to get attention. Now, if you will excuse me, I have to go Jump Rope in front of the Exchange...
Cassandra
Whores
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Posted: 1/11/2006 10:21:23 AM
Polk, once again, is right on. Only fat, pasty whores are into this shit. Any girls reading this out there who do this shit: you see the hot chicks on the other side of the room? We're laughing at you as we get phone numbers.
Christine
Good Job. . . .again
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Posted: 1/11/2006 10:44:10 AM
All of my friends have bad bar breath, I would never kiss them. I always try to offer them gum but they're like, "ewww how can you chew gum and drink??" and I'm like, "How can you walk around emitting sewage from your throat?" but they still decline.
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