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 | | Let's make it rain! C'mon...please? |
 | | What? You're too good for this now? |
Returning to work after a long anticipated âcrazy ass weekend in Vegas,â Pinkberry branch manager Nelson Hodge was disappointed not have gone beyond even a PG-13 level of hell raising.
âI donâ™t know, we didnâ™t cut loose like we usually do,â Hodge said over a morning cup of coffee. âI guess I donâ™t really need this coffee to tell you the truth. I got a full eight hours sleep while I was there. Both nights.â
Hodge, who hadnâ™t taken a vacation in over six months, had been planning a âkick ass road tripâ to Vegas with âthe boysâ- two of his friends from college- for the past month. âI didnâ™t think we needed much planning, per se. I mean we were just going to be totally smashed the whole time, win big at the tables and blow it all on strippers. Right?â
Hodge remembers things seeming unusual almost as soon as they arrived last Friday, when his friend and fellow reveler Brian Colman announced he was going to âtake a quick swim then maybe grab some dinner.â âDinner?â recalled Hodge in disgust, âJust grab a Snickers out of the vending machine and letâ™s go drink. He wanted to go to some fancy place with tablecloths and shit; they give you this whole rundown of the menu. What the fuck? Why are we paying for drinks? Theyâ™re free when you gamble. Hello?â Colman, whoâ™d been arrested for public intoxication three times in college, declined the Snickers and said that heâ™d calmed down a bit in the last couple years. Hodge remained skeptical, âThis is a guy who actually puked on a girl during sexâand then they kept going! Now heâ™s pussinâ™ out on me. Itâ™s bad enough weâ™re spending valuable hooker money on a hotel room, we could just sleep in the car the whole time and wash up in a water fountain.â
After the uncharacteristically civilized dinner, Hodgeâ™s announcement that it was time to âgo ape shitâ fell on seemingly deaf ears. âHe kept saying how he wanted to âtear this town a new one,â™ â his friend Colman stated, âBut look, I was tired from the drive. It took like two weeks for my wife to finally give me the go ahead for this trip, especially with a newborn at home. I just want to play some cards and catch up with a couple friends.â
Josh Morgan, also on the âroad trip to end all road trips,â had similar sentiments. â Every time you go itâ™s drink / puke / recoverâdrink / puke / recover. Letâ™s just hang out for a second. Weâ™ll get to that. I mean Nelson was going nuts over all those girls standing around at the bar. Is there anyone who doesnâ™t already know thereâ™s hookers everywhere? Welcome to Vegas dude, calm down.â
Later that evening, a trip to the card tables proved unable to satiate Hodgeâ™s thirst for a properly seedy nightlife, and rounds of blackjack were frequently punctuated with demands that the group immediately head for the Déjà Vu Strip Club. Hodge even offered to take the âthree ugly onesâ working while his friends cavorted with the âthousands of beautiful girlsâ advertised therein.
âWeâ™ve been there like a million times, canâ™t we just relax for a minute? Iâ™m in the middle of a hand here, and the waitress hasnâ™t even brought back my drink order,â Morgan stated. Further ranting ensued when it turned out he and Colman had opted for a beer rather than a Cement Mixer. âI donâ™t really drink that stuff anymore. I still drink though, just not shots.â
âI donâ™t what the deal is with those guys, they used to be great. Every time weâ™re here we go to [Déjà Vu], act like idiots, get thrown out. Itâ™s a tradition. One time Brian got his ass kicked so bad by the bouncer, it was hilarious. Those guys donâ™t even want to talk to any chicks.â
âWell, like I said, Iâ™m married and we just had kid so Iâ™m not really looking for too many chicks. Josh has had the same girlfriend for a while. I mean Iâ™ll cruise out somewhere if Nelson thinks heâ™s going to hook up, but that never really pans out.â
Further attempts by Hodge to âgo nutsâ manifested themselves in the form smoking an entire pack of Marlboro menthols at the blackjack table. âWell, one thing for sure, I was chain smoking like crazy. Firing up one after the next.â Upon being informed that he was well within his legal rights to smoke cigarettes inside a casino in the City of Las Vegas, Nelson replied âWhatever, itâ™s still bad shit. People donâ™t like you to do itâespecially menthols.â
By Sunday the group was a collective $450 dollars ahead. âIt was great,â said Morgan contentedly, âWe went to a couple of those little places off the Strip, real mellow. You can play all day for cheap. They kept the beers coming, too.â Despite Hodgeâ™s insistence that theyâ™d have had even more fun if theyâ™d âjust scored some fucking blow,â the others maintained it was a successful trip. âI donâ™t think Nelsonâ™s ever even done coke to be honest. Whatever, thatâ™s just Nelson, heâ™s cool. We made enough to pay for the room and for gas, and I hadnâ™t gotten to hang out with Josh in a while so that was cool. Good time.â
âNext timeââ Hodge lamented, âTotal â" Fucking â" Anarchy.â
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