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FAKE NEWS
by: MARTY PLATINUM
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Richard Wood - file photo
ALBUQUERQUE, NM – The Albuquerque Daily Star has hired a new staff writer, Richard Wood, former Score editor, to cover local politics. In only two weeks, he has made quite a splash with readers concerning his unorthodox style of reporting.

In an article titled “Councilman Screws City Staff”, Wood reports on City Councilman Byron Tanner’s suggestion that city workers take a pay cut to offset the city’s budget deficit. In the article he states, “Tanner says city workers should have seen this cumming, but that doesn’t help pay the massive load of bills these workers have at home.”

Since Wood’s hiring, the Daily Star has nearly doubled its subscribers. Local reader Oletha Mills counts herself as one who likes the different style of reporting. “I don’t know this Wood guy, but from what I’ve read, he seems to have a no-nonsense approach to journalism and city government and I like it.”

In another column, Wood referred to the city’s new downtown renovation project as “titillating” and “muff-defying.” At one point, he even stated that the town’s mayor, Madeline O’Farrell, was “hot to trot in the new jogging area.” He then went on to add that the proposed dog park wasn’t “fair to the town’s pussy cats” and further expressed his displeasure by stating “like my Hitchcock, this is for The Birds.”

Where it all started
Not all residents are excited about Wood’s reporting style however. Rio Grande Baptist Reverend Carl Strummer has been the leading voice of displeasure. “This foulmouthed reporting style is not representative of our town’s values. I am organizing a petition to send to our local legislatures and also demanding back-issues of this Score magazine for my personal review. We’ll get this guy- we must, for I made a promise to God.”

Despite the controversy, Wood’s local political reporting continues. Most recently he covered a city employee charity basketball game with a piece titled “D.A. Blows Game, Courts Cum Up Short on Rimshot.” His account of the game, though riddled with misspellings that the AP would not approve, was a big hit with readers.

Daily Star editor Blake Michaels defends his intentional oversights by stating, “Wood is the biggest sensation in town. If you strike lightning with something like this, you don’t pull the reigns do you? No way. You ride it out, baby!”

So like him or not, it appears Wood is here to stay. “I ain’t going nowhere,” stated a defiant Wood. “So get ready Albuquerque, the cumming years are sure to be a blast!”
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