Posts: 77 Rank: 35
Member Since:
10/21/2005
Location:
Winter Park, FL
Posted: 10/5/2007
Deep in a vast storage cellar, lined with rows and rows of almost identical boxes, resides a crate containing the one and true Ark of the Covenant. A treasure so important that no one in the modern era is allowed to gaze upon it's melting wax man secrets. But George Lucas and Steven Spielberg have an even bigger secret these days, production notes and scripts from the fourth installment of the series that kept Han Solo from being typecast, Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull. U...
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Posts: 1517 Rank: 5 Joined:
12/7/2006
Location:
New York, NY
Posted: 10/5/2007 1:19:34 PM
Leave cocaine streaks on the desk.
Shit in the urinal (great call deuce).
Ask the HR girl (I can only assume it's a female) if there will be any "entry" going on during this "exit" interview.
Download the most obnoxious ringtone possible and leave your cell phone at various spots around the office where you won't be. Proceed to call yourself form your desk phone every 10 minutes.
Possible ringtones: "It's Raining Men" "This is Why I'm Hot" Anything by Gwen Stefani
Posts: 1026 Rank: 11 Joined:
12/7/2006
Location:
two up two down, VA
Posted: 10/5/2007 1:31:46 PM
i zigged when i should have zagged. (submitted instead of keep typing)
the only reason i know this, is because as i was paying for my lunch, some assholes phone goes off behind me. to my surprise (not really) some jackass kid stares at the caller ID & lets it ring.
"what the fuck was that?"
"soldier boy (followed by something i didn't understand)"
"that is the worst shit ever. you've ruined my lunch."
Posts: 768 Rank: 2 Joined:
12/7/2006
Location:
Seattle, WA
Posted: 10/5/2007 2:14:39 PM
I’ve been thinking of something to properly convey my hate for the Stealers – and then I realized that all this hate comes from the Supersham.
So, the loser of the bet must put “(whatever team wins on Sunday) really won Superbowl XL” after every post that week.
But if you lose you can’t just mysteriously be absent that week or ‘have a ton of work’ or some other lame excuse to get out of it. Not saying that you would, but I wouldn’t put it past you. Not cause you’re a bastard or anything – but a Stealer fan.
Things overheard in Ford Field during the Superbowl by Stealer fans in my section:
“What’s the difference between a kicker and a punter?” – was wearing freshly bought Bettis jersey. Person asking was a GUY!!!
After the flag was thrown on the Jackson TD “Oh, yeah! Get used to that.” – Truer words have never been spoken by a 5’6’’ man with blood pressure higher than giraffe pussy.
“Can you sit down – I don’t want to stand?” – it’s a football game you worthless motherfucker, you stand.
After every Seattle 1st down, “AWW Holding!/ False start!” or Stealers pass defended, “Pass interference!” You guys are like the “ Always Fouls/Never Fouls” guy in ultimate 11 basketball.
AB – I hope your fucking happy, I’m gonna poop a little blood just typing this. You can wash, and wash. But the memories will never go away. I’m going to the Alzheimer’s ward to punch some demented people now.
Posts: 1926 Rank: 6 Joined:
2/27/2007
Location:
Ventura, CA
Posted: 10/5/2007 2:28:17 PM
Toque, that line should be in some important book or maybe part of a law or something. This is the second time you have used that phrase on here and it fucking kills.
Just watched the Iron Man trailer...again. That movie will either fail to live up to its expectations like Mako's resume, or it is going to cure cancer. Either way, the trailer is pure pwnage.
Posts: 1026 Rank: 11 Joined:
12/7/2006
Location:
two up two down, VA
Posted: 10/5/2007 2:51:39 PM
don't sleep on cleveland... their offense can get it done. if you compare the bengals that the browns put 51 on and the bengals that the pats put 34 on you'll notice that the bungles were missing about 8 of their starting D against the pats. clevelands o-line is sick (derek anderson's jersey hasnt had to be washed in 3 weeks) and clevelands receivers have about 6 inches on all of NE's DB's good matchups.
of course, cleveland could shit the bed. (the run D is 2nd worst behind the bungles).
toque - awesome line.
is anybody else as exited about reading* a {wasted} bignick's posts as i am??
Posts: 852 Rank: 3 Joined:
12/7/2006
Location:
Los Angeles, CA
Posted: 10/5/2007 2:52:02 PM
1. Indiana Jones all the way. The less sleepyheads on my TV/movie screen, the better! I just don't trust 'em, what with their shifty eyes and hairless bodies. You can just tell that they're always planning something.
2. Not pictured: this girl's lack of self esteem.
But seriously, I bet this girl is more prudish than Blue Balls Hoffman. I can just picture this girl, using this little circus trick to lure boys into hanging out with her, and then her never giving up anything, especially a good tromboning. She just uses this shit to get attention in the dorms and then gets offended when some dude pulls out his dip stick and asks to check the oil. I have worked myself in to such a fervor, that I now hate this girl.
3. The only way John Elway could alienate himself from the good people of Denver would be to suddenly become black.
Posts: 1065 Rank: 9 Joined:
3/13/2007
Location:
Denver, CO
Posted: 10/5/2007 3:01:11 PM
Are you game for the Quailman pic or would you rather stand out front of a Bally's or 24 hour fitness with a tanktop and holding a big sign above your head that says "This Place Doesnt Work" and an arrow pointing down?
Posts: 852 Rank: 3 Joined:
12/7/2006
Location:
Los Angeles, CA
Posted: 10/5/2007 3:10:51 PM
I'm in for the Quailman action. That's going to be a really funny picture. Of course, I'm going to have to find a way to get my hands on some tighty whities (I don't own any), but I don't think that should be a problem for someone like me...
your bet is gay, because unlike a bunch of northwesterner, crybaby, hippies, we won the fucking superbowl, and nothing can ever change that. Bad calls went both ways. GET THE FUCK OVER IT! Do you still get pissed about that called strike in the bottom of the 7th when you were playing pony league?
The bet leaves you with nothing to lose, because the Steelers actually won Super bowl XL, so you'd only be typing the truth, meanwhile I would be typing an out and out lie.
This bet is about this game, and will not salvage history for you or your patchouli stinking city.
I'm down for "the (winning team) is superior in every way to (losing team) and I'm a faggot for being a (losing team's) fan" as the signoff, I think that should about sum it up.
Posts: 768 Rank: 2 Joined:
12/7/2006
Location:
Seattle, WA
Posted: 10/5/2007 3:38:58 PM
I forgot that I overheard this guy, think his name was ‘Derek’ or something: “I got this one taken care of guys. But Bill Leavy’s splooge tastes like asparagus. He should really drink some pineapple juice or something.”
I crushed that pitch to right-center. MVP of the game actually. Coulda gone to the big show if it wasn’t for my bum knee. Hurts when it rains. Which in this city is a lot. Rain is just God’s way of washing hippies.
Fuck it – a picture of you in a bar with your team’s jersey holding a sign that says “I’m Toque’s bitch.” If you win I’ll do the same. You do own a jersey, right?
Posts: 852 Rank: 3 Joined:
12/7/2006
Location:
Los Angeles, CA
Posted: 10/5/2007 3:47:33 PM
I'm impressed. That is some very insider information. Although I guess it's not to hard to figure. Most rock headed islanders are always soaked in beer, sweat, and uncontrollable rage. I just hope it doesn't keep him from playing the game this week.
Ohhhh, you were talking about your Polamalu jersey, which you refer to as "The Polamalu". Yeah, it's official, you and I wouldn't be friends.
