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Posted: 7/17/2005
It�s Top 50 time again! That�s right, it�s the second week of the month already, and goddamn, do we have treat for you.
Our writers went to the lab to scientifically uncover the 50 people most in need of a vicious beating. We aren�t talking about a run-of-the-mill beat down. We are talking about an �I�m gonna call a couple of hard, pipe hittin� niggas to come down here and work on the homes with a pair of pliers and blow torch� kind of beating. We are talking about the kind o...
If there's anything left over from Barry's drubbing, I'd like to see Gray Sheffield loose some teeth... first, he's a liar, because he was down with BALCO, and that is synonymous with roid head... secondly, he's got a serious case The Bonds Complex, believing that the world owes him a favor... third, he's a Yankee, and that in itself deserves a boot to the groin.
Chris Mullen
By the way...
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Posted: 7/17/2005 8:46:51 PM
... Jim Rome could use a good smack. I thought he was certain to get one from Pete Rose some time in 1997, when Rome said Cralton didn't belong in the HOF... "Jime, have you ever faced a major league pitcher in your life??? You have no clue what you're talking about" (glowering stare as Rome cuts to commerical). I'd have given anything to see the Hit King hand out a HustleStomping on the exact spot where Jim "don't call me Cris again" Everett did.
Shaft
Novak and Rove
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Posted: 7/18/2005 3:01:22 AM
How they not on this list? I'm scouring the internet fo' they addresses so I can smack 'dem up sides the head with 9 inches of limp dick.
Seriously, free up some space to fit them in by condensing O'Reilly and Coulter into "The Entire Fox News Corporation." I guarentee every one of them needs a foot up th'ass.
Crothers represent!
jordan
Black Eyed Peas
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Posted: 7/18/2005 3:11:03 AM
Stay away from Black Eyed Peas; if accidentally ingested consult a licensed record store for help.
They are the shitty synthesis of hip-hop's forerunners; a watered down, dumbed-down version of acts like The Roots, Outkast, A Tribe Called Quest, Jurassic 5, De La Soul, and The Fugees. I guess when you make a 13 track cd and all 13 songs are contrived party anthems you can expect that at least one or two of the songs to be played ad nauseam.
I shouldn't be one to condemn someone for "selling out" (because I'd do it in a second), but how could any artist with a soul take pride in making it big from a song that initially sucked, and then sucked even more after a politically correct re-edit for increased marketability (Get Retarded --> Get It Started)?
Adam
Mr.
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Posted: 7/18/2005 8:18:14 AM
Rush Limbaugh. This arrogant, fat-fuck, asshole redefines hypocracy. While arguing the virtue of social morality and the personal shortcomings of those not earning six figures, he takes enough oxicodon to pacify the Middle East. For that matter, those "diddos" willing to give up free thought to this demagogue need to receive a healthy portion of face stomping.
Paris Hilton. Singlehandendly proving that any press is good press, she jump-started her "career" with a porn video. You would like to think those who manage to make it in the cutthoat Hollywood scene have some intellignece, competitveness, or talent. Apparently not.
The NHL players union. For thinking people care enough about hockey to give them leverage against owners losing money. If you screw your fans for a year, you deserve to lose your shirts in a new labor deal - and get a wicked beating.
Steve K.
...
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Posted: 7/18/2005 8:18:40 AM
I'm suprised that the ESPN crew isn't on this list.
garrett
whoa, whoa whoa
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Posted: 7/18/2005 8:31:12 AM
Where the hell are Ashton Kutcher and Stuart Scott....
STEVE
THANK YOU
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Posted: 7/18/2005 8:31:40 AM
That was fuckin hysterical. HAHAHHAHAHAHAH.....oh yeah, blow me.
Mike
What about...
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Posted: 7/18/2005 9:18:21 AM
1. JC Chasez 2. Gary Sheffield 3. Aaron Carter or anyone in the Carter family 4. Ashley Simpson 5. Barry Pepper
ZJ
another ten.
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Posted: 7/18/2005 9:27:18 AM
1. Ward Churchill 2. Paul Krugman 3. Ken Lay, again. 4. Katie Holmes 5. Sean Penn, again. 6. Dreu Rossenhaus 7. Javon Walker 8. The entire Oakland Raiders squad 9. Tiger Woods 10. and Every President since Ike.
mr. mike
that fuck
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Posted: 7/18/2005 9:33:51 AM
how about that fuck, chandler bing? I know, all of those dudes on that show are gay, but he is with out a doubt the GL (gay leader). also, he looks like my brother, only my bro. is funny and drives the ball over 300 yards! He also has a great touch around the greens.
Goo Boy
Here's a couple more....
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Posted: 7/18/2005 9:45:57 AM
Joe Simpson - Way to whore out your daughters, asswipe....And the last time I heard a grown man mention his daughter's chest, he was served with a warrant the next day. For Christ sakes, you were a minister.
Rashad McCants - "Born to be hated/Dying to be loved" tattoos. That's all that needs to be said. And congrats on winning that Nat'l Championship; make sure you keep the ring as it'll probably get you $30 at a pawn shop 5 years from now once you flame out of the league, you malcontent headcase....
Latrell Spreewell - He does a mean rim job, but don't tell me you need a new contract to "feed your family" when you were pulling upwards of $6 mil/year at the time. What the fuck are you feeding your family; platinum burgers and Bentleys? I liked you better when you were choking PJ Carlisimo.
The fat chick I work with - Cover your body! You are not attractive enough to pull off showing your midriff. Also, I think you may have invented the perpetual motion machine the way your arms constantly jiggle.
G dubbya
dfdfdadfas
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Posted: 7/18/2005 9:53:15 AM
Where the hell is George Bush on this list? I thought for sure he would make #1...jay leno is a very close second to him
RFK
What about
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Posted: 7/18/2005 9:55:17 AM
5. Chris Berman 4. People at the DMV 3. Mr. Rogers (RIP) 2. Bob (from Bob's Discount Furniture) 1. Red Sox Fans
Murph
DONT FORGET......
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Posted: 7/18/2005 10:00:15 AM
PLAXICO BURRESS... HAVE FUN WITH THIS A_HOLE NY!
DeanSmithisGod
and...
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Posted: 7/18/2005 10:02:46 AM
Israel Condie Rice George Bush George Bush's cabinet(Condie again) OJ simpson alan Iverson Sheffield All ESPN anchors, hosts and Journalists (except for Bill Simmons. He rocks) Tony Blair
Lawton
Hypocrisy
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Posted: 7/18/2005 10:24:54 AM
This article is hypocrisy at it's finest. You bash people who act just like you do by even making this list. Yes, Steven A. Smith yells but at least he makes a decent point when he's doing it. All the people on your list are annoying, but so is this article by the time you get to number 43, so do yourselves a favor and stop. You look like a bunch of hacks.
Ted
Agreed
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Posted: 7/18/2005 10:33:31 AM
Ashton Kutcher needs to be there. He sucks balls. As does Rush Limbaugh, that dude from Creed, Ellen Degenitals, Art Model, Butch Davis, fat bitches on the RTA that bumb into you with all 30-lbs of fupa without apologizing, the Yankees, and Blink-182....
Jack
Sweet List
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Posted: 7/18/2005 11:03:48 AM
Its good to finally know what STEVE looks like. Also, I would sacrifice 5 years off my lifespan to see Skip Bayless pummled.
Billy Hatcher
Bayless v. Smith v. Scott
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Posted: 7/18/2005 11:15:42 AM
Bayless deserves to be higher on this list, higher than S.A. Smith even. Smith is loud and obnoxious, but Bayless is genuinely malicious. That Palmeiro article Friday was vicious and idiotic.
Having said that I'm very surprised that cooler-than-the-other-side-of-the-pillow anchor Stu Scott didn't make the cut. Or would the beating be unnecessary because he already has a lazy eye? I say you might as well give him that lisp too.
matt
HA!
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Posted: 7/18/2005 11:19:07 AM
I know the list could have always been longer and I am not going to write "What about Scooby-Doo and the Hair Bear Bunch. . ."type thing, but thanks fgor putting STEVE on there though I may have moved that turd sucker to the 50 people that need to be killed, somewhere in between Striped Shirt Guy and Gilbert Godfrey.
Camps
Very True
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Posted: 7/18/2005 11:20:58 AM
Great article guys... I presume that the creators of Sex in the City are on the list of people that need to get murdered along with Ellen Degeneris.
Keep up the good work.
Kayvon
......
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Posted: 7/18/2005 11:23:03 AM
Not to sound like some movie snob, but I think Jerry Bruckheimer at least warrants consideration for sharting all over the industry.
But Stu Scott is easily the most obvious snub. Decent list though.
yo!
Benny Hinn
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Posted: 7/18/2005 11:44:21 AM
This fucking Con Artist must be beating by every crippled healing searching souls that he has conned money out of. I have heard him say in an interview, that he must have a private plane because God requires him to travel a lot. If I ever see him on the street, I take his fake as hair off and smack him with it till he admits that he is nothing but a fraud.
Andrew
Has to be there....
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Posted: 7/18/2005 11:44:52 AM
George "fuck face" Lucas. Actually he should be beat and then beaten again since Jar Jar Binks is not real and cannot be physically maimed.
Also Larry Merchant. Has this guy ever fought anyone in his life? All he does is spot undescernable shit about a sport he obviously doesn't understand though all he has done is watch it his entire life. What a pussy.
Osama needs a beatin pretty bad but who would want to touch his smelly ass. I would need one of those suits from E.T just to get near this fuck.
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