Posts: 9 Rank: 159
Member Since:
3/19/2006
Location:
Balls, UT
Posted: 10/4/2007
January 29th, 2007. A day no doubt many of you have ingrained in your brains, for that was the day that I last posted a Greatest Season Ever article here at ThePhatPhree. Well fret not my fellow SBTB'ers, I'm back (sorta). For the record I didn't stop writing the series.
Saved by the Bell is my life, it's the one thing that keeps me going. Turning my back on Zach and The Gang would be like Justin Timberlake turning his back on other guys' dicks.
Posts: 779 Rank: 2 Joined:
12/7/2006
Location:
Seattle, WA
Posted: 10/4/2007 5:49:33 PM
“your vagina is beautiful, and it tastes better than a chocolate shake from the Max.” – I’m seriously considering looking up @ my girlfriend and saying that next time I eat box.
I just had a patient whose last name is “Steinke”. I just got to yell “Stinky” in a crowded waiting room.
During Christine’s post the song is Detachable penis riff. For Tom A it’s a James Brown soul riff (No idea why). Vertigo has Stevie Ray Vaughn riffs.
Since watching the South Park episode last night I’ve muttered “Piss” and “Ass” and pretended that I have Tourette’s. I’m seeking help. It’s in the bottom of a bottle. Just have to get there.
One of my goals in life is to teach a monkey Kung-Fu. I will be the greatest person who ever lived if I can accomplish this. Fuck Gandhi. Does anyone know were I can get a monkey?
Posts: 374 Rank: 19 Joined:
8/5/2007
Location:
La Crosse, WI
Posted: 10/4/2007 6:14:42 PM
True Story. My sister has a pet monkey. It's a spider monkey. It's smarter than I am. it can play cards, and collect certian Items that she has tought it to. It has one problem. It attacks the TV whenever it's on. Oh and it shits like everywhere. And I mean everywhere. She might sell it real cheep if you want.
Posts: 857 Rank: 3 Joined:
12/7/2006
Location:
Los Angeles, CA
Posted: 10/4/2007 6:27:02 PM
I feel weird because that's an idea that coincides (I would never accuse you of stealing) with one of the worst movies of all time: Grandma's Boy. You saying it just makes me feel dirty (and not in the good way).
Posts: 22 Rank: 102 Joined:
7/12/2007
Location:
Oak Park, IL
Posted: 10/4/2007 6:32:40 PM
You unbelievable bastard. I was shitting because I liked you. Doesn't anyone do any research before they get a fucking pet?
Toque, call me. Keep in mind I don't have an opposable thumb. I tried to learn judo once and it was like Tara Reid trying to pass a field sobriety test.
Posts: 779 Rank: 2 Joined:
12/7/2006
Location:
Seattle, WA
Posted: 10/4/2007 6:34:02 PM
I’ve never seen Grandma’s boy. And I’ve wanted to teach a monkey kung-fu or rather own a monkey that knows kung-fu since I was like 5. I even asked Santa for one. I would dress him up like a ninja and name him Bruce.
I would also teach him the ‘Dim Mak’ from Bloodsport. If you asked me what would I rather have: the Hawks wining the next 10 Super Bowls or a monkey that knows kung-fu? I would say kung-fu monkey before you even got the e out of monkey. That’s how serious I am about all this.
Posts: 857 Rank: 3 Joined:
12/7/2006
Location:
Los Angeles, CA
Posted: 10/4/2007 6:39:12 PM
I know what it's like to have your dreams taken over and molested like Macaulay Culkin at a 'lock in' at the Neverland Ranch. ("Thanks for being in my music video Macaulay...say, wanna make another video? HEE HEE, SHAM-ON!") When they made The Ringer with Johnny Knoxville, my heart jumped for joy as I always wish I had a posse of retards that followed me around. Then it turned out that the script was more retarded than any of the "actors".
Posts: 779 Rank: 2 Joined:
12/7/2006
Location:
Seattle, WA
Posted: 10/4/2007 6:41:18 PM
If I did have a kung-fu monkey I would get to say, “Sweep the leg” and “There is no fear in this dojo” like 10 times a day. So awesome.
And he could go to the zoo and teach other monkeys. Then I would have a kung-fu monkey army to do my bidding. Much more intimidating than my previous attempt at a goldfish army. Pussies can’t take saltwater.
Posts: 1945 Rank: 5 Joined:
2/27/2007
Location:
Ventura, CA
Posted: 10/4/2007 6:45:56 PM
I think I caught a contact off of your posts. I feel funny.
Or maybe it's DLamp's avatar. I can't tell.
Either way, if you could train your evil kung-fu monkey army to chant the "Oh wee oh, eeeeOOHH OH" from the guards in Wizard of Oz. That would be tits. Oh, oh!!! And teach them how to spray paint graffitti. That shit would set Seattle on fire!!!!
Posts: 22 Rank: 102 Joined:
7/12/2007
Location:
Oak Park, IL
Posted: 10/4/2007 6:46:03 PM
That's the movie where Jean Claude Van Damme beats up Bolo Yueng. Yeah, that's not exactly realistic. You know the corny Chuck Norris game? Bolo would crack Chuck's neck and suck the marrow out.
Let me just add something while I have the floor
()
Post #: 147
Posts: 22 Rank: 102 Joined:
7/12/2007
Location:
Oak Park, IL
Posted: 10/4/2007 6:52:54 PM
A lot of people like King Kong, think its one of the greatest movies ever. The only equivalent I can give you is imagine watching a movie where a gang of men sodomizes your mom. That's how much monkeys like King Kong.
He's just on Monster Island trying to get enough bananas to live. That shit isn't easy when you're a hundred pounds, muthafucker was like 10,000 pounds. I know for a fact he had to eat more often than a hummingbird. Suddenly they ambush him and accuse him of attacking a white woman. Fay Wray wasn't big enough to swab his dick, what the fuck was he supposed to do with her?
I may sound a little sensitive and I'm sorry. Whatever you do, if I'm around, don't bring up the Kong thing.
Posts: 779 Rank: 2 Joined:
12/7/2006
Location:
Seattle, WA
Posted: 10/4/2007 7:06:09 PM
Is one of my favorite movies. My best friend and I have a level of drunkeness named after it.
“Dude how fucked up was I last night?” “Man, you were Bloodport drunk.” “What the hell is a Dim Mak?”
I have a ‘fight’ soundtrack and every time ‘Fight to survive’ comes on we bust out karate punches in time with the chorus. Not good when you’re driving down the freeway @ 90mph. Drunk.
