I cant tell you how profoundly disappointed I am in you. I know that I have neglected you a little over the past few years, but Ive been really busy. And lets not pretend that you arent just a little bit responsible for that. We both know that if you had been a few inches taller and more than average athletically, we might be playing professional ball, and then we wouldnt have to sit at a computer all day. Not to mention all the pussy wed be getting. That crushed dream is on you, pal.
Either way, two years of inactivity is no excuse for the excruciating pain you are putting me through. It was only five half-court basketball games. Its not like I went out and ran a fucking marathon. And by the way, you were a total embarrassment out there. You air-balled a wide-open fifteen-footer, and couldnt make a lay-up to save a drowning baby. Inexcusable. You made an ass out of both of us.
I thought the shame was punishment enough, but when I woke up this morning I felt like Id gotten the shit kicked out of me by a gorilla. Even my taint is sore. I didnt even know there were muscles in the taint. If you think this is going to motivate me to take better care of you and exercise more often, youre fuckin crazy. I may never set foot outside the apartment again.
I even stretched before and after the games. And Im not talking about just the manly stretches either- pushing on the pole, jumping up and down, cracking the neck. I actually sat down and stretched my hamstrings and everything. I felt like a real homo, but I did that for you.
Thats why I dont understand why you are doing this to me. My abs are so sore that my eyes were welling up when I tried to push out a turd this morning. Thats ridiculous.
I think Ive been pretty understanding with you over the years. I dont even hold it against you that I cant connect my mustache to my beard. You ever think maybe I wanted to grow a goatee? Well that ship has sailed. Im almost 29 years old; its a little late to start fucking around with facial hair now.
But look, Im willing to forgive and forget if you just give me one comfortable position to sleep in tonight.
nice Posted: 6/21/2006by: christina this was really funny, i just wanted to say good job to the author. it also makes me a little sad to get old. Inigo Posted: 6/21/2006by: Provo I just work for Vizzini to pay the bills. There's not a lot of money in revenge. you twist my arm...and win.. Posted: 6/21/2006by: Provo -Well you see, Iocaine is from Australia, and as everyone knows, Australia is entirely peopled by theives. No one can trust a thief...so I cannot take the goblet in front of me, and you are counting on this, so you may have poisoned the goblet in front of you...
you have a dizzying intelect...
-Wait till I get going!! So bow down to her .... Posted: 6/21/2006by: Christine filth, putrescence....
So what Provo, its fun.
"you wish to surrender to me? very well, i accept!"
"Ah, but we know the secrets of the fire swamp, we could live there comfortably for some time."
"I'm killing myself once I've reached the honeymoon suite"
"she kills me". okay Posted: 6/21/2006by: Provo Im done...or else I'll just keep going and quote the whloe damn thing... ------- Posted: 6/21/2006by: Provo I do not envy the headache you will have when you awake, but unitl then rest well, and dream of LARGE women...
Its not bad....Well, Im not saying I'd build a summer home here, but the trees, they're quite lovely....
Boo. Booooo. -Why do you do this? You had true love and let it go, like garbage...thats what you are..Booo...boooo Queen of Refuse...bow down to your Queen of slime... christine- Posted: 6/21/2006by: deuce i was wasted.. she wasnt. ??? Posted: 6/21/2006by: Christine Ummm... that last comment was mine to Deuce. I don't know why I wrote his name and no we are not the same person. at least I don't think....i black out a lot. Deuce Ha! Posted: 6/21/2006by: Deuce Funny, me and my brother's always say " I.....have no gate key". when questioned about something.
Another favorite is, "hello my name is...." just kidding!!!!
I can't believe you said that to your wife. Ha!
"you're that little spanish brat i taught a lesson to all those years ago. You've been training(?) your entire life only to fail now....i think that is the saddest thing I have ever heard". Touche... Posted: 6/21/2006by: Provo CHRISTINE, I believe that is one of the best monologues to date...HA!!
