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Hi! I’m a Wacky Character, and this is my TV talk show! Welcome to the show!
You know, one of the things that people seem to like about me is the fact that I have little to no sense of what is or is not appropriate behavior for a grown person. It’s almost as though I'm a sociopath. But it sure makes for good television! I just say whatever damn fool thing pops into my head and my guests are left struggling to figure out how they should react.
Speaking of guests, I’d like to bring out my first one, a Well-Known Person-in-the-News!
"Hi, Wacky Character. It’s great to be here."
It’s great to have you, Well-Known Person. Say, Well-Known, I’d like to put you in an awkward position by mentioning some frequently referred-to embarrassing incident from your past. How would you react to that?
"Um, well, I…"
I don’t want to put you off, you understand, because I really am happy to have you on my talk show. Which is on TV.
"I see. Of course, I-"
But, then again, I just can’t help bringing up subjects my guests would rather not discuss because I’m such a Wacky Character!
"That’s fine. I guess I knew what I was getting into."
Which brings up an interesting point. Here you are, a Well-Known Person-in-the-News, and for some reason, you’ve agreed to appear on this TV talk show where you have every reason to assume to that I’m going to behave in a wildly inappropriate and disrespectful manner. Why do you think that is?
"I really couldn’t say. I suppose my publicist-"
Have I mentioned we’re live?
"What?"
The Wacky Character Talk Show is broadcast live. That’s kind of important, because otherwise all of this uncomfortable and improper conduct could be edited and re-shot. However, unlike most television, I had a vision for the Wacky Character talk show, and I insisted that it must go out live and unfiltered.
"That’s very interesting. Can we talk about my-"
Fortunately, the producer of my talk show has an even worse sense of judgment than me. If that wasn’t evidenced enough by the fact that he gave me my own talk show and continues to produce it even after I’ve repeatedly demonstrated my complete lack of aptitude for carrying on a coherent conversation, much less conducting a lucid interview, he’s also gone along with my every demand about the nature of the broadcast.
"Uh-huh."
I suspect that one of us is retarded.
"That’s terrific. Listen, about my-"
Hold it a second, Well-Known Person. It’s time for me to say the Thing I Always Say.
"Great."
Are you ready?
"Sure."
It’s the Thing I Always Sa-aay!
"Fabulous."
What was that? I couldn’t hear you over the raucous laughter and applause that invariably follows the Thing I Always Say.
"I said it was fabulous."
I’ll say! You know, sometimes people will wonder why I have a TV talk show in the first place. I’ve often thought that by putting a Wacky Character like me in the context of a TV talk show, a post-modern comment about the vapid nature and increasing low standards of television broadcasting is being made.
"I guess that makes sense."
But in fact, I really only have a TV talk show because it’s an easy way of increasing the potential for embarrassment and keeping me from having to do any real acting by placing me in a presentational setting.
"That makes sense, too. You know, I don’t usually see this kind of self-aware deconstructionist comment on a TV talk show."
That’s what makes me such a Wacky Character! In fact, it reminds me of the Thing I Always Sa-aay! Good night everybody!
THE WACKY CHARACTER TALK SHOW HAS BEEN BROUGHT TO YOU BY SOME IMPOSSIBLE PRODUCT THAT COULD NEVER ACTUALLY EXIST BUT ALLOWS US TO MOCK RAMPANT COMMERCIALISM AND UNSUBTLE MARKETING. FROM THE PEOPLE WHO BROUGHT YOU “UNCLE STINKY’S ARMPIT SHELLACK.”
Dawn Together and thats pretty damn funny. This? not so much.
Zing
Good
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Posted: 5/31/2006 2:12:36 AM
Quintessential TPP article. Not that it's not original, just a tried and true format. Funny, and a good critique of SNL sketches in that vein without coming off bitter that you never got a writing gig at SNL.
Tom A
Well, Isn't that Special?
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Posted: 5/31/2006 9:25:25 AM
Well done Herr Amiott.
Now is the time we dance on Sprockets.
digdoug
good stuff
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Posted: 5/31/2006 9:26:55 AM
really funny. intelligent, and not too over the top bitter like most articles.
Patrick M
congratulations
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Posted: 5/31/2006 10:16:10 AM
I hate SNL even more. Didn't think that was possible. Agree with digdoug.
mkkdwuvwni
[No Title]
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Posted: 5/31/2006 11:26:44 AM
cptdujs izmfbrijrg yojywxenyg
Christine
mkkdwuvwni
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Posted: 5/31/2006 12:03:56 PM
That is not nice. have some decency.
I thought is was an excellent article. Way to go!!!
Provo
Funny b/c its so true its cliche
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Posted: 5/31/2006 12:26:23 PM
Godd article....although, when titled wacky-character-talk-show-host is the guest on a talk show....it is FANTASTIC!!!
See Jon Stewart on CNN's Crossfire...you'll have to find it on the net.....the show was pulled shortly after he was a guest on it AND he is the reason Tucker 'queer' Carlson no longer wears his once signature bow-tie on his new show....HA!!!
ps. Jon Stewart had to be escorted off the set.....he's one of my idols...
Hermann
The emporer has no clothes
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Posted: 5/31/2006 5:37:56 PM
This article was fucking wack. Did not laugh once.
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