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I love you baby!
Growing up, my Dad used to work with wood all the time. He built tables, chairs, desks; basically, if it was made out of wood, my Dad could build it. He also had a kick-ass collection of Playboy centerfolds from the 1970’s. As a young, virile male, working with tools and checking out Jumanji bush was a pretty cool thing. One of these things made me have my first orgasm. It wasn’t the bush.
I was eleven and wondered, on occasion, why the fuck my dick would get hard walking down the street. It was embarrassing. Little did I know the embarrassment got worse. While sanding the face of a clock face, I dropped the orbital sander. This thing vibrated 500 times a second. Later in life, some woman found that the same thing could be made into the shape of a phallus and sold on the open market. That’s beside the point. When I bent down to pick it up, the cord was between my legs, and I felt this vibration on my nut sack. Holy shit. Instant hard-on. I looked around. No one was looking. Shit, I wonder what would happen if I just put it right…OMIGOD! I need a towel.
That's not my spunk
It piqued my curiosity at that point. I never felt anything like it. I had to do it some more. So I would sneak out late at night not to meet up with some real potential, but to go fuck the sander. It was turning out to be the best 17 seconds of my life.
After about three weeks of this, sneaking out after my parents went to bed to jack off with a construction tool, my Mom caught me coming in the downstairs door, and asked me what I was doing. Shit. What do I say? I am turning Dad’s rag pile into my personal sperm bank? “It was hot in my room, so I went outside.” She said okay, and then went upstairs. Sweet. Choke on that, ‘rents. I blew my nuts and YOU CAN’T DO A THING ABOUT IT. I didn’t know how wrong I was.
The next night, I was anxiously waiting for my industrial rendezvous. I ran out the basement door, into the cabinet, grabbed my orbital love machine and unwound the cord, reached to plug it in…what the fuck? The cord was cut. THE FUCKING CORD IS GONE! Bitch. The secret was out. My parents had discovered my affair. I am not sure what gave it away. It could have been that everyone of my Dad’s rags was covered in dried spunk. Those bitches. I went to my room and stared at the ceiling, cursing my erect penis for existing. My parents drove a wedge between me and my first love.
My dad's Dewalt Sander is loud as shit. At least you got to try it for a week. It will never happen for me. Also, kudos on getting out of the he-man woman hater club.
5/5 just for the embarrassment factor.
Huge fan
hahahaha
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Posted: 9/6/2006 12:27:06 PM
this is some funny stuff. A sander? WOW....I wish I had the balls to do that when I was a kid. Nice read....keep them coming.
antony
why don't
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Posted: 9/6/2006 12:50:13 PM
all three of you just go buy that 'pocket pussy' you've been eyeing and get it done with.
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