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Dear Cigarettes,
Hey, how've you been? I know we haven't talked in a while, but I was just thinking about you the other day. Everywhere I go people are talking about you. It seems like nobody wants you around. I really miss you, and I've been thinking a lot about the time we spent together.
Remember our first time? I didn't really like you right away, but you kind of grew on me. Those first few months were really cool, until my mom found out we were seeing each other. Remember when my mom tried to break us up? We had to see each other in secret for so long. In bathrooms, behind dumpsters, in the backyard late at night.
Once I turned eighteen things were great. We got to see each other whenever we wanted. A lot of my friends didn't want me to see you, they said you made me stink, but I said the only stink on me is the stink of unconditional love.
Remember when I had to leave for boot camp, and I wasn't allowed to see you for two whole months? Everyone said it wouldn't last, but as soon as I finished we got back together. We totally proved them wrong.
I talked to coffee the other day. Remember when the three of us used to hang out at all night restaurants? That was great, me, you and coffee. I really don't hang out with coffee anymore, because it makes me miss you too much, and it makes me shit.
I still talk to beer. Probably more than I should. He asked how you were doing, and I said we stopped seeing each other. He was surprised at first, but he wishes us both the best. I gave him your email address.
I hope you're doing okay, I'd like to say we should get together sometime, but that will never happen. Especially when you're seven dollars a pack.
Okay way to rip off a bit!! Tottally unoriginal and you can get a carton of premium cigarettes for 25 to 30 dollars on the internet so all the people bitching about how expensive cigarettes are in New England or wherever stop whining!
Posts: 758 Rank: 12 Joined:
12/14/2006
Location:
Washington, DC
Posted: 4/3/2007 10:01:00 AM
Wow, someone who listens to Social Distortion AND has cyber panache?!!! Impressive. Like "tottally" thanks for the economics lesson, douche bag. Wait a minute....uncle Tino?
no matter what anyone says. And the fact that they are more expensive now just makes them better. It's the same logic that makes grey goose the best vodka. Sure you couldn't tell it from 5 cheaper vodkas in a taste test, but drinking shows everyone how classy you are, and that you don't care about a few bucks, cause you're rolling in it. So put on your striped shirt, get a pack of premium yuppie cigarettes like benson and hedges or even better imported canadian smokes, and go pound goose and red bull all night, cause you're the shit.
PS. this article sucked ass so hard that I shat in it's mouth a little bit.
Posts: 2748 Rank: 1 Joined:
12/7/2006
Location:
Philadelphia, PA
Posted: 4/3/2007 10:30:08 AM
I can taste the difference between Grey Goose and shit vodka. Its a very distinctive taste. You know, they say smoking fucks up your sense of taste. I'm just saying.
Posts: 1084 Rank: 9 Joined:
3/13/2007
Location:
My Cubicle, CO
Posted: 4/3/2007 10:37:48 AM
I cant vouch for Vodka as I'm not a big fan but there is DEFINATELY a huge taste difference between Seagrams 7, Jim Beam, Jack, and Crown. Shooting Crown is pure deliciousness; shooting Seagrams is equivalent to having sex with a fat girl. Ya you got your rocks off, but was it worth it?
Posts: 1256 Rank: 7 Joined:
12/7/2006
Location:
TPP Island, NY
Posted: 4/3/2007 10:40:25 AM
Miami may have to import canadian smokes but in buffalo canadian smokes = you're a fucking canadian piece of shit. Canadains are a drain on the entire human race!
have you ever actaully met a canadian, they're the worst.
Posts: 1256 Rank: 7 Joined:
12/7/2006
Location:
TPP Island, NY
Posted: 4/3/2007 10:54:04 AM
Christine is right: Dennis who? Laxall before you answer this question, go fuck yourself. We all hate you. In fact i hate you and everybody that looks like you. I hate your parents even more than you because they brought you into this world so in closing...
Fuck you, people that look like you, and your parents.
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