Use the form at the right to log in for more options.
Welcome! Glad to have you hear! Much love!
I'm at the tail end of my seventh year of college, and I just found out I haven't fulfilled my psychology requirement. I'm thinking about taking this class next semester. What do you think? Here's the syllabus:
Course: The History of Psychology in Relation to Scientology Instructor: Thomas Cruise Mapother IV (but you can call me Tom Cruise) Term: Summer 2007 Course Code: BATSHIT305
(a lab fee of 10% of your net worth is required and will be given to the Church of Scientology. Consult the school's registrar in regards to method of payment)
Instructor Credentials: considered by many to be one of the greatest American actors, even though I have never won an Academy Award; twice-divorced (Mimi Rodgers, Nicole Kidman) and currently married to and very much in physical love with Katie Holmes; converted to the Church of Scientology by Rodgers; outspoken ambassador and missionary of Scientology; expert on the falsehoods of psychology (a pseudo-science) and the benefits of Scientology in regards to mental well-being; father of two adopted children w/ Kidman and my lovely, precious little Thetan-in-waiting Suri with Holmes; extremely heterosexual
Course Objectives: To gain a better understanding of Scientology in all its glory and prove once and for all that psychology is evil and placebic; to study the true history of psychology and why 90% of people are being misled by procedures and diagnoses that have been practiced for thousands of years; to not discuss basic psychological theories that debunk Scientology; we will NOT discuss how or why our alien ancestors' souls embody us and torment us, for this is known as the R6 Implant, which is designed to kill us should we try to figure it out (via disease, heart attacks, etc.)
My office hours are by appointment only!
Required Texts:Dianetics: The Modern Science of Mental Health by L. Ron Hubbard; Child Dianetics: Dianetic Processing for Children by L. Ron Hubbard; Scientology 8-80 by L. Ron Hubbard; Have You Lived Before This Life? by L. Ron Hubbard; Battlefield Earth by L. Ron Hubbard; Risky Business: The Book by Tom Cruise; I Am Heterosexual and Used to Be an Alien by Tom Cruise
Class Procedures: Every class will begin with me walking into the classroom sporting my signature smile (w/ dimples), falling to one knee and pumping my fist to a cavalcade of applause from you, the students. The class will then sit in quiet awe as I thank Xenu (speaking the holy words "All praises to Xenu and the Honorable L. Ron Hubbard" repeatedly), our galactic ruler who brought billions of people to earth 75 million years ago, stacked them around volcanoes, and then blew them up with hydrogen bombs, subsequently causing the souls of these alien-people to stick to the living, where they torment us to this day. The Church has instructed me to keep facts about Xenu confidential, so do not ask me about him unless you want to convert to Scientology. Do you want to convert to Scientology? C'mon. Give it a chance. You really don't know what you're missing. No? Okay. I respect that. You can learn more on your own about Xenu by reading Master Hubbard's script of Revolt in the Stars, which in no way suggests that Master Hubbard made Scientology up as a clever ruse based on science fiction.
Psychological/Scientological Timeline
75,000,000 ago--Xenu does his schtick, and human beings wander the Earth and through their proverbial minds looking for truth for the next 74,999,950 years, until the Honorable Prophet Hubbard bestowes the truth on the world, which will mostly only be accepted by intelligent Hollywood stars, who are the only people that matter anyway.
600 B.C. to the present day--psychology grows like a weed in the garden of humanity, beginning with a bunch of Greek philosophers who waxed on the human mind and had sex with each other and young boys (those were the days, huh?), followed by other European snake-charmers like Descartes, Freud, Skinner, Kierkegaard, and Dr. Ruth. The world is predominantly fooled by the smoke and mirrors of conventional research and medicine, which only makes people "feel" well and "appear" to be well to others. Vitamins are the only true path to physical and mental well-being. They even cured my, Tom Cruise's, dyselxia.
I am so heterosexual!
Disability Statement
If you require special accomodations because of a disability, you can either take vitamins to cure it, you pussy, or notify the Office of Student Relations who will make the necessary accomodations.
people on this planet that I hate more than Tom Cruise. Why is that cool musicians and actors die young, but shitbags like Cruise and Michael Bolton will live for fucking ever?
Posts: 3005 Rank: 6 Joined:
12/7/2006
Location:
New York, NY
Posted: 4/10/2007 11:04:04 AM
But the second pic and caption bumped it up.
Four closet-case scientologists falling down stairs.
It's true that the scientologists' story about the aliens and crap is way off the deep end, but a lot of the other religions are based on things that are a liiiiiitle out there too.
Finally, how close do you think NBC was to having a "technical difficulty" during the Tom Cruise-Matt Lauer interview a couple years ago? I thought he was going to shank him with a pen.
As long as it doesn't conflict with K-Fed's "Music Theory" class and Brangelina's symposium entitled "Foreign Kids That Win the Lottery Through Adoption."
Hollyweird is the only place flakes like this don't end up trolling for breakfast in a dumpster and checking every butt in the outdoor ashtray for one that was only half-smoked.
Posts: 4645 Rank: 5 Joined:
2/27/2007
Location:
Ventura, CA
Posted: 4/10/2007 11:37:02 AM
You forgot about the part of the class where we will discuss that Xenu lured all of the victims from the other planets to his space modified DC-10s by sending out tax fraud investigation notices. Once the "frauders" showed up, he knocked them out with a sleeping agent and stacked their frozen bodies into the DC-10 space ships. No shit.
Although, let's avoid talking about the fact that the volcanos that Ronny names in the Xenu saga weren't here during the timeline he described...
I can't give a guy a compliment without upsetting a few people? Maybe your mother's should have thought more about taking the pill...but what do I know? Hey, does anyone want to hear about the time I met Tom Cruise?
Posts: 915 Rank: 7 Joined:
12/7/2006
Location:
Rock Hill (sucks), SC
Posted: 4/10/2007 12:11:26 PM
tommy cruise.
See, he has to figure out a way to explain how his underweight, below average height, meglomaniac self somehow has had the opprotunity to sleep with dozens of hollyweird starlets, play an insane range of characters, get paid millions for being a nut-bag, and finally, publically kidnap and brainwash a young woman (in the lens of most of the paparazzi no less).
What this all equates to is scientology; cause the only thing crazier than all that shit that cruise has been lucky enough for, are the basic principles of belief that the mighty fundraising "religion" of california holds dear.
Posts: 1476 Rank: 17 Joined:
12/7/2006
Location:
savannah, GA
Posted: 4/10/2007 12:23:22 PM
and i think it's pretty obvious by your picture that you could have handled eating his wife and child afterwards. you could have wiped away his curse away for good you fuckin jerk.
Use the form at the right to log in for more options.
