SkullFucker69: Hey fuckface, I've got you and your kingdom fucked like a dog taking on some sort of gigantic dog-killing machine. Eternia doesn't stand a chance. LOL (sadistically)

He-Man4ever: Let me guess. You came up with another plan to take over the universe. Why don't you just give the fuck up? You're pathetic.

SkullFucker69: Give up, He-man? Not this time. My first initiative when I take over the universe will be for genital herpes to be mandatory for all people name He-Man. Healthcare reform will follow soon after.

He-Man4ever: What's your scheme this time, Skeletor? I foil every retarded-ass plan you ever attempt.



SkullFucker69: You are mistaken this time, fool. I've got you by the balls (symbolically, of course).



He-Man4ever: I'm not going to ask you again.




SkullFucker69: There is no stopping me now. It's already too late for you and your kingdom. I might as well tell you. My plan is that I am going to sell a whole bunch of copies of Grand Theft Auto IV in Eternia. LOL!

He-Man4ever: What? I can't say that I really follow you on this one.



SkullFucker69: Ignorant bastard! I will sell the game to one and all. People will flock to the stores with credit cards drawn. The game will be a super bad influence and make everyone turn into rape-thirsty homicidal death machines. Everyone knows that violent entertainment is the reason people become violent! It has nothing to do with responsible parenting or human nature. Anarchy will ensue. Eternia will play the game and become desensitized into uncontrollable fits of malicious violence! Parent groups will flock in masses to emergency meetings, while their children sit home… unsupervised… playing GTA IV. News anchors will pound their fists on desks. "Scientific researchers," funded by religious groups, will release "studies" based on the phenomenon. Chaos will ensue.

He-Man4ever: You are a fucking idiot.



SkullFucker69: Obviously, He-Man, one of the dicks that have broken off in your ass from some previous gay sex match has made its way up through your body and fucked the living shit out of your brain. You have the foresight of a shit-filled thermos. While the majority of Eternia's youth will be desensitized into crime-lusting zombies by GTA IV, the remaining citizens will be stretched thin looking for a remedy. All the while, my minions and I will raid the kingdom and take it over. I'll be one step closer to ruling the universe. By the way, I have enormous personal goals.

He-Man4ever: First of all, congrats again on your having of minions. That is pretty fucking cool. Still, I gotta tell you, your idea is retarded.



StinkorDie: Boss, I just got home and read your message about selling GTA IV to take over Eternia. Are you back on heroin again? If so, I have to call Dr. Drew.


SkullFucker69: No, you ass. My plan is ingenious. You're just too ignorant to comprehend it all. This is not very minion-like of you, Stinkor; questioning me and all.


StinkorDie: Just checking, boss. Sorry. So, speaking of GTA IV, do you think you can float me a copy?



He-Man4ever: Skeletor, who helped you come up with this piece of shit plan? Man-E-Faces? LOL



SkullFucker69: The only things that Man-E-Faces "comes up with" are two people, and they're named Prince Adam and He-man; during super-gay orgies.


He-Man4ever: Dude, what's with all of these gay jokes? We both dress very similar and have a flare for the dramatic. Why is my sexuality always in question?


SkullFucker69: It's undeniable, you fool! You are ignorant to believe that nobody realizes that you are identical to the fucking prince of Eternia (the same fucking prince that dresses in pink, purple, velvet, and fur). The only thing that's different between you and Prince Adam is your outfit. Everyone knows you are both the same fucking guy! Why wouldn't you wear a mask or something?

He-Man4ever: I told you. I AM NOT PRINCE ADAM and PRINCE ADAM IS NOT GAY! WHAT-EV-ER!



SkullFucker69: Fuck, Prince Adam. Fuck you. Consider the following. Have you ever just sat back and thought about when the guys at Kenner came up with the idea for you?

He-Man4ever: Not really.




SkullFucker69: I'd be willing to bet that a fat guy in a suit held a meeting about developing an alpha-male character who oozed the macho bravado in an eye-bleedingly obvious manner. Then, an unmotivated guy in another suit exhaled with effort and replied, "How about we call him He-Man?" "That's pretty macho, isn't it?"

SkullFucker69: Your name could have just as easily been Male-Dick, or Guytosterone. The point is that you were created as a stereotyped super-alpha-male.

He-Man4ever: Wouldn't that make me incredibly unhomosexual?



SkullFucker69: Only if you routinely confuse shit for pudding, dumbass. Your character archetype calls for a secret identity that inversely reflects your "superhero" persona. It has to be the direct opposite.

Voila, your secret identity is Prince Peter Puffer, who rocks a velvet vest with fluffy boots. Even if you are only fucking guys part-time, He-Man, you're still super gay. That's pretty much why I mock you relentlessly.

He-Man4ever: I fucking told you already! I'm not Prince Adam. Get ready fucker, because I'm on my way over to shove my sword through your face. And no, there is no sexual innuendo behind my previous statement.

SkullFucker69: LOL! Do what you must. I've already pulled the lever to release GTA IV to all Eternia EB Games locations! My plan is in action. I win!


He-Man4ever: Really? In that case, I'll probably pick up a copy and check it out for a while. I'll be over to stab your face later.


He-Man4ever has signed off.