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* = fucking never
Dear Makers of Cialis,
I have a boner.
Let me rephrase that. Over the past day and a half I have had several throbbing stiffies that have lasted just under the 4-hour target mark for calling my physician. I just wanted to send this quick note that I think your product sucks balls, no pun intended.
Oh, yeah...and the whole adage of "when you're ready?" What kind of bullshit is that anyway? I am ALWAYS ready. What happens when SHE isn't ready? We mess around a bit, my prick still in its permanent catatonic state and yet, I pop the pill to wake it up, and she is no longer in the mood. So I am left to tug at this rock hard needless pole you have left me with. Even then I do not get any relief. This isn't the first time this has happened. Last week, I took one of your magic pills on Thursday thinking by Friday night, even at the tail end of the blood boost this son of a bitch gives me I would AT THE VERY LEAST catch her "in the mood," I got nothing. Have you ever been wearing khakis, only to have this protrusion grow even with the fabric resistance that is Dockers? It hurts like a son of a bitch. Not to mention, my constant adjusting makes people at work wonder if I am harboring a pubic lice farm in my shorts. Maybe you need to come up with a partnering drug called SHE-ALIS. The slogan can be, "when his raging rock cock is making him contemplate raping herd of sheep, you will for once in your life, be ready." It can be disguised as a Cheese-It. I can easily pass that to her a few minutes after I have popped my personal hormone. I have yet to see her pass up a Cheese-It.
It's not me, it's the Cialis
So to conclude, go phuck yourselves. I hope you and your drug get ass raped by a herd of Wildebeests. I hope some deranged customer finds you and strips you down, paints your body with honey and throws you into a fire ant pile. In fact, I hope they force feed you your shit product and only paint the never ending erection you are FORCED to have and release the ants on your nether regions. At least then, you will know the pain I feel every time "I am ready."
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