Gosh, this was the best idea ever. It's like having the greatest roomate in the world. My new wife is perfect. We should have done this a long time ago. I'm so stupid. How come I didn't think of this in college? Who needs the guys anyways? I've been missing out on so many things... like church and "American Idol." Seriously, marriage is awesome!
I mean, who thought of this? What a badass...! Legally acknowledging your love for someone in the name of God for obvious tax benefits- what a breakthrough. There are so many perks- I just hope I don't leave any of them out. You should see the "Save the Date" collage on our fridge. Getting invited to twice as many weddings as I used to is so exciting. Are we going to all of them? Of course we are... we're married now, we have to. I hope that wedding season doesn't interfere with my yard chores. The little missus won't have any of that- nah, i'll just get up earlier on Sundays before church to knock them out. What's that... poker tonight? No thanks guys, I'm married now. We have a baby shower and are DVR'ing "The Batchelor." Drink a few cold ones for me. I know you will. Crazy guys!
Where was I... oh yeah, marriage perks. I got a bitchin' new minivan in the deal too. I mean, we haven't decided how many children she wants to have yet, but this van sure will come in handy when they start needing rides to school and shit. Seriously, how else are we going to get to Disneyworld?
Also, we found her dream house in her parents neighborhood. Having them as neighbors sure will be a blast. Asking her dad for that loan was awesome too. When she suggested that I sell the boat and my golf clubs I almost had a heart attack. But after she explained why, I knew what had to be done. Who needs a boat when you've got an above-ground swimming pool and two cats? I've been trying to find a way to spend more time at work anyways. God, I'm stupid. Why didn't I think of this marriage thing earlier?
Quitting drinking was so easy with her in my corner. My job isn't that stressful, now that I think about it. She's right, I really should be paying more attention to what my body is trying to tell me. This diet we're on is awesome too. I think that on the eighth day God really created tofu. What's that... smaller portions? You're goddamn right!
God, her family is so cool. They have so much fun over the holidays without alcohol. No more ski trips for me, Mom and Dad. I've got a new family to spread cheer with over the holidays. This year we're hosting a turkey drive at their church for Christmas. Feeding dirty people is way more satisfying than mountains of fresh snow. Marriage is such a kick-ass institution!
I really don't miss having sex at all. Who needs sex when you've got love? Marriage is so awesome!
speaking of women Posted: 6/13/2006by: Cleveland This guy complains for an entire page about how awful married life is, how annoying his wife is, and how much his life generally stinks thanks to his marriage. The irony is it reminds me of a woman complaining forever about something and never doing anything about it. If you don't believe in marriage, which your sarcastic remarks seem to imply, then get a divorce. If you do believe in marriage, quit acting like a victim and grow a pair, be a man, and a husband. Life isn't supposed to be entertaining. If it was, we'd be watching Seinfeld, 24 and MXC 24/7 and never have to work or contribute to society. Yeah, those are some really unique observations you have there. If everything in this article wasn't so trite, it might actually be entertaining. Was that the effect you were after, or were you just venting, honey? America is great Posted: 6/12/2006by: c When a woman will marry a man who says "I lay the pipe to her like a pro" in all earnestness. What a guy!
By the way, I don't think want to be fucked in that monotonous, lifeless way associated with the sex "pro."
Hey. Posted: 6/9/2006by: Victor French I gotta take me a shit. Hey homie... Posted: 6/9/2006by: Sad but true You sound like your trying to convince yourself.
Bottom line...Don't do it if you have even .0001% of doubt in you. We're talking about your LIFE. You only get ONE.
If you're ready, then God bless your life together and I hope your marriage is great. Guess what buddy... Posted: 6/9/2006by: Sad but true You sound like you're trying to convince yourself.
All those things are true. Marriage is great, but why do we have this sinking feeling like we got tricked somehow? Like we tricked ourselves? Why did NO ONE pull me aside at my wedding (brother and best friend included!) and try to make sure that I fully comprehended the fact that this is FOREVER.
My advice to all guys getting ready to get married is this...If you're sure then more power to you and I bet you have an awesome life ahead of you.
If you have even the tiniest fraction of doubt in you and it's t-minus twenty seconds until the bride walks in to marry your ass...WALK AWAY or stall for time. Do what you have to do because that .0001% of doubt is enough to F#@K with your mind for the REST OF YOUR LIFE.
Wait a few. Posted: 6/9/2006by: The Living Tribunal. Guarantee all these "glad I'm not making that mistake" commenters will be married within 5 years. There's no shame in it. Just make sure she's not a total overbearing bullshit artist. Be selective. It's kind of tight to have someone you can always count on to be down with you. I give up NO freedoms. As a matter of fact, my woman WANTS me to hang with my peeps. She understands that it is important to my overall happiness. I treat her good. She treats me good. She's fine as fuck, and I lay the pipe to her like a pro and love it. She loves it. Trust me. Just don't make the BIG mistake of settling for someone. Find a DOWN ass woman, cool as a polar bear's toenails, and do your thing. Not everyone is fucking Hugh Hefner. Cant be a single mack all your life. Pretty soon you're gonna turn into "that pathetic single uncle with the fat gut" at the family reunion. No shame in gettin' hitched. Unless you choose unwisely. Peace and good luck. christine Posted: 6/8/2006by: Big Jim Slade Good, entertaining board today, all. Christine - I used to crank When the Music's Over after every one of my HS/American Legion baseball games. Good times! 100? Posted: 6/8/2006by: Max Probably missed it.
Joe, I am going to be by Tinsley Island in the delta. look for the sunburned wasted guy. Oh right, that describes everyone... provo Posted: 6/8/2006by: s texas is a tricky bitch. beautiful, scenic, toughass and cowboy, with little weird pockets of culture -- aside from having longhorns mounted to the front of your el do -- austin, for one. [and possibly only, if you think lubbock is cool...]
but it's white and gun-happy and racist and sexist and you better be able to shoot the nuts off a gnat if you're gay, muslim or a jew.
chick shopping in that berg is like bobbing for turds in champagne. you'll get a few mouthfuls of veuve, but you can't help screaming doody. oh vertigo! Posted: 6/8/2006by: s i'm sorry! i did not mean to mock smu as an educational institution. that was fuckin rude, my very bad.
but its social scene is undeniable. greek life, society rank and the whole nine.
