 | The similarities are astounding. |
Hey, listen what song is on! Cmon man, get up and come out on the dance floor.
Thats alright, buddy, I have to let this food digest for a little while and I want to speak to the bride and groom real quick. Maybe later.
Maybe, later? Cmon, this is Lionel Ritchie.
Exactly, fucknuts. This is Lionel Ritchie, and I am the guy who is going to break a bottle of champagne across your fucking face. You like Lionel Ritchie so much go and try your luck dancing on the mother-fucking ceiling. Climb the fucking trellis and stretch your toes for the ceiling tiles. You can do it because you are awesome. I hope you fall on something sharp.
10 minutes later
Choo choo, its the loco motion! Cmon join in! Ha ha. Choo choo. Get it?
It looks like a blast. Do you want to know what gave me that idea? It is because you have your tie tied around your head. That is pretty much a dead give away that you are Mr. Good Times. It kind of makes you look like Rambo if Rambo was about an annoying drunk dude who gets kicked in the nuts and cut by me.
Choo choo!
Stop touching me. If you grab my shoulder and try to pull me out of my seat again, Ill put your tie back where it belongs and yank it until your face washes purple. Go away.
10 minutes later
 | Smoke machines = Good times |
Its the Cha Cha Slide! Cmon man, quit being such a party pooper! Lets show off the moves. It is soooo much fun out there. You need a drink? I brought my own flask so I dont have to wait in line at the bar!
Can you guess a major characteristic of something that is NOT fun? Just give it a guess. The answer is begging and groveling every 10 minutes for people to join your super fun activity. I have experienced some truly fun things in my lifetime. I never needed to be invited more than once to join in on those activities. Have you realized that Im sitting ten feet from the dance floor? I can see what is going on out there, dickface. I am not reading fun from what Ive seen. If I get the itch to dance, I assure you that Ill join in. Now, get back out there. Youre missing all the fun. I would comment on the fact that you brought a flask to an open bar wedding, but Id probably stab you in the throat with my dessert fork before I could finish. On top of that, you want to do the Cha Cha Slide? Hurry up and get out of here. Im reaching for my fork and I have no control over of it.
10 minutes later
Man, get out here on the dance floor. This D.J. is playing all of my jams.
Again, your numerous invitations have done nothing to make me believe the dance floor is a good time this evening. Fat, ugly strippers ask for fewer dances on an average night. Fuck off. If you choose to bother me again, I will promptly excuse myself to the mens restroom for a moment. While there, I will urinate in a cup, return to the dance floor, and empty the contents of the cup on your head.
Listen. I do not want to dance. I do not want to dance. I do not want to dance. Do you copy? Get back out to the floor. Other guys are starting to tie their ties around their heads too. You wont look like the biggest party animal anymore. Tie your shoe to your arm or something. You really need to up the ante if you want everyone to think that youre the craziest guy at the wedding. Leave me the fuck alone.
The end of the reception
Dude, I am so wasted, you think you can give me a ride home?
Sure. Hop in.
30 minutes later
Dude, where in the fuck are we? My house isnt out this way.
We are in the country. Actually, this may be considered deep in the country. So, do you want to know what I think is really fun? The answer is being wasted and walking a long distance home from the country in the middle of the night. Its a great time. As I told you before, you only have to be asked once to join in lifes truly fun times. Now, get the fuck out. Go get em, Rambo.
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