Great news! I got engaged! I know crazy, right? I want you to come to my wedding buddy. It's in like a year. It's going to be great. I want you and your lovely girlfriend to come. The bar will be open my friend. You want the chicken or the steak?
Since we're pretty tight, I want you to be in the wedding. I want you to be a part of what will be an awesome day, my friend.
Me and the fiance (its sooo weird saying that word!) have lots of planning to do and we've set dates for just about everything so there are a few things we need to discuss.
The engagement party will be next month. It's going to be awesome! It's only a two and a half hour drive for you, and it's gonna be a sick time. You might want to grab a hotel room for that night. Please, no gifts. We're registered at Macy's, Crate & Barrel and Sears.
There will be three showers in the months ahead. Her family's, my family's and her friends. You're obviously excused from those buddy, but it would be awesome if your girlfriend could make an appearance at all of them. Except we will want you to come to the Jack and Jill party. We don't expect any gifts from you guys, but, again we are registered, and if you guys want to kick in for one or two of the showers that'd be great!
I hope your girlfriend can make it to the Bachelorette party. The gals are heading down to New Orleans for Mardi Gras!
As for the Bachelor party, I was hoping you could put that together. I am definitely thinking Vegas. Maybe the Palms, I don't know. I hear the Real World suite is pretty sweet! Surprise me!
I already found a great deal on some awesome tuxedo's. They are only $250 each, just as long as we have them back by 6 a.m. the day after the wedding.
The rehearsal dinner will be the night before the wedding. The rehearsal will be a few hours... My fiance is Greek Orthodox, so there is a lot of crazy Greek stuff to go over! They do everything three times. It so weird, and takes so long. Very interesting stuff!
This wedding will consume 292 hrs of your life
The church is so cool! It's really rustic. It was built like two hundred years ago. It's so amazing! It's definitely not air conditioned so wear something light. Wait, strike that, you'll be in a black wool tuxedo! What was I thinking?
The ceremony will only be about two hours. Two of the best hours of your life my friend!
Then the party will commence! After the pictures of course. We have the best wedding photographer! She is kind of a perfectionist. She is very meticulous, but the best things come to those who wait! Right?
The reception is going to be sick! By the time we are done taking pictures, we should have a good solid hour or two to get introduced, have our dances, do the speeches and toasts, eat some apps, salad, soup, main course a little drinky or seven, and then the cake. It's going to be the best wedding ever!
My brother, who's the best man has a huge fear of speaking in public. Can you do the best man speach? Thanks, man. I appreciate it. Don't go out of your way though. Ten, twelve minutes tops, ok? And I'll just need to proofread it first. And I'll help you with your timing.
You're probably going to need a hotel room for the weekend, on account of the brunch the morning after. I would return your tux first then be back for the 8 a.m. brunch. You'll probably need a hotel room for the entire weekend. You will absolutely love the rooms there, they are super luxurious!
Unless you have family down there. I doubt you have family in Antigua though. Let me tell you my friend, you are going to see plenty of that island! The tux place, the church and the hotel are spread out all over the place! Airplane tickets are actually pretty cheap right now, and I've seen a few with only two or more layovers. Pack some extra clothes, because it will be hurricane season down there, just in case we all get stuck for a week or so!
and approx $8,713.12
I need to ask you what you want as a gift from the groom (me!) I was thinking maybe a pen. Do you have a good pen? Not a great pen but decent one anyway. Do you have a pen that works?
Send your RSVP back as soon as possible, because if you guys can't make it, I need to get someone from the "B" list. We need asses in seats! I'm so happy for us!
Come celebrate with us at all of our celebrations over the next 12 months!
When is it too much? Posted: 8/24/2005by: Robert What about guys who don't have bachelor parties? Am I the only one who thinks if you have to blow thousands of dollars on people you barely know, (to appear well liked) you should get some sort of compensation? Do something you can only do once. Get head from a Norwegian prostitute in wooden clogs while searching for lines to snort off a freshly gessoed canvas. Having a wedding is fine by me, but not when it's a guest list of 850 people you've met once. Pathetic. A large wedding is about as useless as a prom, unless of course your a celebrity. Celebrities need to have large weddings to keep the rest of us fantasizing about clogs and coke. Yes Brenda Posted: 8/19/2005by: Ben Yes, and Yes, to put it simply. Yes Brenda Posted: 8/19/2005by: Ben Yes, and Yes. Very simply put! I know you Posted: 8/14/2005by: Stu Rick, you're such a tool you wont even have to worry about your own wedding. douch bag!!! Bingo! Posted: 8/13/2005by: Rick Ferguson The Only Wedding I will ever attend will be my own... and very reluctantly. this is my life Posted: 8/13/2005by: John Somehow, I wrote this, but I don't remember writing it. Weird. It's exactly like my life over the last two years. Nice Posted: 8/11/2005by: Daric I've been in 14 weddings myself and that is pretty goddam funny. That wedding sounds like the one my buddy and his pain-in-the-balls wife had. God I hate that bitch. hurricane.. Posted: 8/10/2005by: deuce is there anywhere i can get this framed??
well done. Quit Fucking Asking Posted: 8/10/2005by: Hurricane Women of the World: quit investigating what happens at bachelor parties. In fact, while you're at it, take at least (a stretch, I know) 10% of the energy you spend ripping other females apart and invest in the finer techniques of giving head. That's right, I said blow jobs. And no, not the begrudging, you'd-better-stay-down-on-ME-for-45-minutes, I've-been-secretly-reading-your-Men's Health Magazine kind of arduous task the majority of you make it.
Yes, learning and executing spectacular, frequent fellatio is one of many acts able to strengthen a relationship in progress. You'll find that the University of Head is not only a lifelong educational institution but nondiscriminatory to boot. You'll never be turned away even if you are clingy, needy, desperate, possessive, uneducated, unwilling to be gainfully and goalfully employed, have a headache, or look fat with the lights on or off.
Trust me when I say if you can eek out enough self esteem to want to perform on your man without prompting from him, or the stale resentment from you afterward, you won't need to ever obsess yourself over the scandalous festivities during a man's last night of singlehood. brenda Posted: 8/10/2005by: deuce please reference the article written on tpp many moons ago about why it is so much better to be a guy than a girl for your answer. (sorry i cant remember who wrote it or what the title was, but it still makes me laugh)
as for "telling the ladies".. i am sorry that you have walked in on your fiancee the next morning wrapped up with a 300 lb hooker and he is telling you "baby, it happens at everyone's bachelor party..." but, you cant blame him for being too stupid not to leave town for the celebration.
